100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off
Unless you’re a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley.
And we don’t even wonder ‘why’ because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. Thus, airplane jokes could be the go-to jokes for any aviation fan to kill their time during the journey, delays, reroutes, or flight cancellation.
Moreover, without disregarding the fact that not all of us enjoy, flying up high in the sky, airplane jokes can prove to be an amazing source to distract our mind from all the absurd thoughts and have a safe peaceful journey.
So, without any further due, fasten your seatbelts because we are going to take off very soon for our trip to funny airplane jokes.
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Table of Contents
Best Airplane Jokes
Are you looking for the best airplane jokes to fritter away time for your upcoming flight? Well, then keep yourself hooked till the end because we have brought you the ideal airline jokes.
What’s the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?
An optimist created the airplane; a pessimist created the seatbelts.
I hear they’re trying to make flying fridges. It’s a cool concept but I don’t think it’s going to take off.
ROBERT: Where does a mountain climber keep his plane?
IAN: Where?
ROBERT: In a cliffhanger.
What happens to a bad airplane joke?
It never lands.
Why did the kid study in the airplane?
Because he wanted a higher education!
What’s the difference between a jet engine and a flight attendant?
At the end of the flight the jet engine stops whining
Why do they have frosted glass on airplane toilet windows?
Who’s going to look in at thirty thousand feet!
A vulture is boarding an airplane carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess says, “I’m sorry sir, there is only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
Why are drone pilots considered the snobs of the sky?
They are always looking down on everyone.
What’s an airplane pilot’s favourite flavor of crisps?
Plane.
Funny Airplane Jokes
Funny airplane jokes can be a fun way to divert your mind from all the extra thoughts and negativity. Have a look at the funny jokes about airplanes and let us know your reviews in the comments below.
Wanna know how to make a small fortune running a charter airline?
Start out with a large one.
My son, who took the wrong flight, texted me to ask what baggage he should use for a plane flight home.
I responded, “Carry on, my wayward son.”
A plane lands, and shortly after, the flight attendant comes over the speaker.
“Hi, folks! Sorry about that rough landing. It wasn’t the captain’s fault. It definitely wasn’t my fault… It was the asphalt.”
What’s the difference between God and a pilot?
God doesn’t think he’s a pilot…
Bought a new plane the other day. Disappointed that they wouldn’t let me keep the hangar.
Why didn’t the flight attendant let me change my seat that time I sat next to a crying baby?
They won’t do it if the baby’s yours.
What did the doctor say to the man who got sick at the airport?
It’s a terminal illness
Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane?
Because it was overbooked!
Why did everyone want to sit next to Lisa Nowak (AstroNut) on her return flight to Texas?
Because they knew she wasn’t going to get up for any bathroom breaks
Pilot: “We are 20,000 people in the air”
Blonde Air hostess: “I didn’t realise there were that many people on the plane”
What do you get when you cross an aeroplane with a magician?
A flying sorcerer!
How do you know there’s a pilot in the room?
He or she will tell you.
Delta airlines have stopped using seasoning on board their aircraft.
They only serve plane food.
A man parachuted out of an airplane and his chute did not open. As he headed for almost certain death, he saw a man coming up toward him through the air from the ground.
As the man zoomed by, the man headed down asked, “Do you know anything about parachutes?”
The man replied in passing, “No, you know anything about gas stoves?”
Did you hear about the cow who gambled on an airplane?
The steaks couldn’t have been higher.
What happens to bad plane jokes?
They never land.
Hilarious Airplane Jokes
Check out the multiple hilarious airplane jokes below and you will be surprised how amusing even the stupidest puns and aeroplane jokes can be when you have nothing to do. Enjoy!
A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked, “How long does it take to fly to Boston?”
The clerk said, “Just a minute…” “Thank you,” the man said and hung up.
Do you know what happened when I tried airplane mode for the first time? I threw my phone but it didn’t fly.
Will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?
Nah, I just can’t see them taking off!
During one flight, the air hostess asked the passenger if he wanted to have lunch.
‘What are my choices?’ asked the passenger.
‘Yes or no.’
My wife and I have decided never to talk again about my addiction to aviation puns. It’s a soar subject.
PETER: What has a nose and flies but can’t smell?
ELAINE: I haven’t a clue.
PETER: An airplane!
Who invented the first airplane that couldn’t take off?
The Wrong Brothers
What do you call the movie where pilots fight to take off?
The Hanger Games.
Pilot: Have you ever flown in a small plane before?
Passenger: No, I have not.
Pilot: Well, here is some chewing gum. It will help to keep your ears from popping.
Pilot (after the plane landed): Did the gum help?
Passenger: Yep. It worked fine. The only trouble is I can’t get the gum out of my ears.
TRAIN: Why did the airplane get sent to his room?
CAR: I don’t know.
TRAIN: Bad altitude.
Dirty Airplane Jokes
An adult can not survive a long voyage on an airplane without some dirty airplane jokes. Keep an eye on the given jokes about airplane and don’t forget to share them with other passengers as well.
After the safety talk in the airplane the pilot forgets to turn off the microphone…
He turns to his copilot and says: “I’m gonna take a dump and then I’m gonna fuck that smoking hot stewardess.”
When the stewardess realizes what’s going on she starts to sprint to the front to warn the pilot that his mic is still on but trips and falls.
A passenger turns to her and says: “Calm down, he’s taking a dump first.”
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
The FBI Arrested me Once for Masturbating on an Airplane Toilet. They accused me of High Jacking.
How do you know you’re flying over Poland?
Toilet paper hanging on the clotheslines.
What do you call an airplane’s cockpit if it’s staffed by female pilots?
The Box Office.
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.”
She removes all her clothing and asks, “Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?”
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, “Here, iron this!”.
What do you call a pregnant flight attendant?
Pilot error.
A cat was sat next to me on the airplane
I was on an airplane and noticed a cat sat two seats over from me with a balaclava on, all of a sudden he gets up, walks to the cockpit, pulls a knife and puts it to the pilot’s throat.
Pilot says “What the hell’s going on?”
Cat replies “Take me to the canaries”
One of the reasons for the low number of female pilots has been found to be….
The Cockpit!
The passenger asked the flight attendant if he could join the mile high club. She replied back, “Sir, we don’t offer that service, we are Virgin Airlines.
Why won’t a Red bull travel in an airplane?
Because it already has wings!
Airplane Jokes One Liners
Nothing can beat a good laugh better than a well-placed one-liner. Get your hands on the airplane one liners jotted down below, to brighten up your mood and your spirits as well.
You know what being this high up in the sky feels like?
Air-mazing!
Pilot: Mouse in cockpit. Maintenance Engineer: Cat installed.
What do you get when you put a flight stick in an egg?
A yoke.
When Chuck Norris goes through airport security he makes them take their shoes off.
What did they call the company that makes rubber planes?
Boing!
I tried making aeroplane jokes, but, they went right over people’s heads.
What is a fleet of helicopters called?
Hellacopters.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three rights make a left, and two Wrights made an airplane.
Saw an aircraft with no branding. It was quite plane.
A plane was about to take off when a man burst out of the cockpit naked, yelling “this is your captain streaking”
Dark Airplane Jokes
People associated with aviation are true fans of aviation humor jokes. If you are one of those or you may know someone then there could be no better choice than to choose dark airplane jokes from the given list and have a good laugh with your friends.
What did the pilot name the dish he cooked while flying an airplane?
A recipe for disaster
Did you hear about the new TV show about a plane crash?
The pilot was horrible.
Did you know that there are more airplanes in the ocean than there are submarines in the air?
I mean… it’s plane to sea.
Give a man a plane ticket and he’ll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
If a plane has a small crack in it, is that called an airline fracture?
A plane crashed and every single person died except two, Why?
Because they were a couple.
The blonde pilot was interviewed after her helicopter crash.
Interviewer: “Can you tell us what happened just before you crashed?”
Blonde: “Well it was getting really cold so I decided to turn the fan off”
An airplane crashes onto an old cemetery. The police reports over 3.500 dead people
A plane is about to crash.
The pilot comes out of the cockpit, and solemnly addresses the passengers. “The plane is going to crash. There are 286 passengers, but only 285 parachutes. Does anybody know how to pray?”
A minister in the middle row raises his hand.
“Good.” The pilot says. “You start praying. The rest of us will take the parachutes.”
When terrorists feed their children, do they use the airplane method of “open wide” while making airplane noises? Or do they just smash it into their faces?
Airplane Jokes for Adults
Seeking some airplane jokes for adults to pass your time during your flight? Then, don’t you bother anymore because we have got you covered with the perfect collection of aviation jokes.
I told the check-in assistant at the airport to send my bags to New York, while I flew to London.
She said she couldn’t do that.
I replied, ”Why not? You did last week!”
How do flat- earthers travel the world?
On a plane.
An airplane is about to crash with only 5 parachutes on board.
A doctor says, “Save the women.”
A young mother says, “No, save the children.”
A lawyer says, “Fuck the children.”
A priest asks, “Do we have time?”
When I wear contact lenses, I keep seeing Russian aircraft flying around in front of my eyes. The doctor said it could be some kind of optical Ilyushins.
What is the ideal cockpit crew?
A pilot and a dog. The pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything.
What does a person who dislikes airplane food say when he’s served with chicken steak?
‘Let’s hope for the breast!’
What do an internet junkie on dialup and an F18 pilot have in common?
Both break out in cold sweat when their screen show NO CARRIER.
What do airplane builders say about their job?
It’s riveting.
How does cupid visit his girlfriend?
On an arrow-plane!
How do you know your overweight?
You have to purchase two airline tickets.
Why didn’t the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
She’d just blow dried her hair and she didn’t want it blown around too much.
What separates three whores form two alcoholics?
The cockpit door!
The 3 things you don’t want to hear in a cockpit?
Flight engineer: “That’s odd…”
First officer: “I have an idea.”
Captain: “Watch this!”
What does a felon falling from an airplane and a significant other talking down to you have in common?
Condescending
I was at the grocery store with my GPA when a couple girls in super short skirts walked by….
GPA said, looks at those jet skirts, as we both admired the two ladies.
I had to know, what’s a jet skirt?
GPA replied, it’s a skirt so short that when they bend over you can see the cockpit.
Airplane Jokes for Kids
Kids can be the biggest challenge for parents to keep them busy during the trip. Here are some airplane jokes for kids to engage them with some thoughtful jokes and provide them with a happy, peaceful environment.
Yesterday, I saw a police officer wearing a pilot’s uniform.I thought it was a bit odd. Then I realized he was one of those plane clothes cops.
What happened when the little boy opened a window on an airplane?
He had his head in the clouds for a moment.
Who invented the paper airplane?
The Write Brothers.
What happens if you wear a watch on a plane?
Time flies!
I failed my aviation exam yesterday but I was just winging it.
My son saw an airplane in the sky, and he asked me what it was doing.
I said it was running air.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane chocolate!
What should you do to achieve higher grades?
Study in an airplane!
How do you make Pikachu and his friends get on an airplane?
You Pokemon.
SETH: What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?
JAKE: Tell me.
SETH: A “plane in the neck.”
Kid: “I want to be a pilot when I grow up!”
Parent: “You can’t do both!”
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing Constrictor.
Who was the first cat to fly in an airplane?
Kitty-hawk
What did the twin towers mom say when she fed them?
Open wide honey here comes the air plane.
Knock Knock Airplane Jokes
Believe it or not, knock knock jokes are still the most famous and highly recognized joke format for kids as well as adults. Share these airplane knock knock jokes with the ones who are with you on the journey and make your trip a memorable one!
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Plane.
Plane who?
Plane dumb won’t save you.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
The Pilot let me in.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
The black guy who flies airplanes.
The …who?
The pilot, you farking racist!
Can I get a coffee please?
Air hostess knocks the cockpit door.
Air hostess: Knock Knock
Pilot: Who’s there?
Air hostess: Tank
Pilot: Tank who?
Air hostess: You are welcome!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
The Captain.
The Captain who?
The Captain who wants to get back into the cockpit!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Plane.
Plane who?
You are just Plane awesome.
Pilot 1: Knock Knock
Pilot 2: Who’s there?
Pilot 1: Air.
Pilot 2: Air who?
Pilot 1: Aerosmith. (laughing)
Airplane Jokes about Pilot
We all agree that pilots have an insanely cool job! But do yourealize, that there are some airplane pilot jokes as well? Catch a glimpse of these funny jokes about pilots and make sure to share these puns with them!
Two pilots are discussing piloting.
One asks, “Why did you become a pilot?”
He responds, “To overcome my fears.”
The other asks, “Which one? Heights?”
To which he responds, “Dying alone.”
I want to die like my pilot father, peacefully sleeping.
Unlike the rest of the passengers on the plane, screaming.
I was once in an airplane when I realized the pilot didn’t pass any proper training.
He was just winging it.
What’s the difference between a pilot and a pepperoni pizza?
A pepperoni pizza can feed a family of four.
Why will a pilot never starve to death?
He can always boil his tie. (pilots eat with food in lap; getting tie dirty)
If a female fighter pilot shoots down a lot of enemy airplanes, she might plausibly be called a heroine. But if she shoots up a lot of heroin, she will probably not be called an enemy airplane.
Any pilot who relies on a terminal forecast can be sold the Brooklyn Bridge. If he relies on winds-aloft reports he can be sold Niagara Falls.
I decided to leave work an hour early today.The flight attendants started freaking out when I grabbed my parachute, though.
What does the propeller do on a plane? It keeps the pilot cool. if you think I’m wrong, stop it and watch him sweat!
I think my spy master has a second job as a pilot.
He says he’s a master of de skies.
During the Coronavirus lockdown a pilot I know was doing some painting at his house, I went around to his house to check it out and was suprised to see how good his landing was.
Final Thoughts on Airplane Jokes
Whether you are a fan of flying in heights or a person who loves to roam around the world with their backpacks but hate to wait during the boarding, connected flights, or delays, airplane jokes can be the ideal escape for both of you.
We all understand that things don’t turn out the way we have usually imagined. Unlike long car drives, airplane flights can be super tiring, boring, or annoying just because you were seated next to a talkative person, a cranky child, or an individual snoring out loud while sleeping.
Therefore, funny airplane jokes can surely have your back to fritter away time and avoid your mind getting distracted from the surrounding.
You can also share these aircraft jokes with the passengers as well if they are a little bit frightened from the environment. This selection of hilarious airplane jokes will get the job done whether you want to start a conversation with a stranger or entertain yourself.
