160 SS-Seriously Funny Snake Jokes That Will Make You Laugh
We’d like to welcome you to one of the most spectacular and terrifying collections of snake jokes. Do you have a child who is obsessed with creepy crawlers or who is going through a snake phase?
Are they pleading with you to watch videos of pythons and boa constrictors? Are you attempting to overcome your crippling childhood snake phobia before it resurfaces? Fortunately for you, we’ve compiled a list of some amazing snake jokes for your amusement.
Snakes have always appeared throughout history and tales as legendary symbols, connected with both good and evil; sometimes they appear as regular snakes, and other times as magical entities.
We’re focusing on the hisss-terically humorous side of these strange critters with these funny snake jokes, which include plenty of puns and knock knock jokes. So let’s get started.
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Table of Contents
Best Snake Jokes
These best snake jokes are sure to make you laugh. Try to memorize your favorite snake joke or snake pun to share with the kids when they need a chuckle.
What do you get if you combine two rattlesnakes with one magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What do snakes use to build clocks?
Metal Gears
Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake?
Someone else’s!
Snake: *hissssssssss*
Feminist snake: \*herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr\*
What do you get if you cross 100 snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and larders.
If adam and eve were Chinese
Then we would still be in paradise as they would eat the snake instead of the apple.
You and me, we’re like two snakes tied together
We be long together
What medication does a snake take before giving a presentation?
An antihissstamine.
What do you get if you cross a rattlesnake and an aeroplane?
A Boeing constrictor.
Why couldn’t the snake talk?
It had a frog in his throat!
Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?
He couldn’t afford plane fare!
What is a snake’s favorite magic spells?
Abra-da-cobra and adder-ca-dabra!
What’s the difference between a headmaster and a poisonous snake?
You can make a pet out of a snake.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
Funny Snake Jokes
Snakes are every parent’s fear, especially those who live in areas near animal sanctuaries or woods. But you don’t have to. Here are some funny snake jokes that will let you know about the other side of things.
What would you get if you cross a newborn snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
Why was the snake so happy while it was on a long road?
Because it was going on for ssss-miles
What’s worse than a box full of snakes?
A box that was SUPPOSED to be full of snakes.
What do you call a snake what has been fused with a fruit?
A bananaconda.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What has the head of a dog, the body of a pig, and the legs of a spider?
My daughter’s drawing of a snake.
Mom, are we venomous? said the baby snake
No, we aren’t at all! Why?
Phew! Because I just bit my tongue!
What did the green snake say to the mouse?
I am sorry, hiss is the end of the line for you.
A snake bit Chuck Norris
After many hours of excruciating pain, the snake died
What did the snake say when another snake asked him the time?
Don’t asp me.
What do you call a snake without any clothes on?
Snake-ed.
Two men are hiking through the woods when one of them cries out, “Snake! Run!”
His companion laughs at him. “Oh, relax. It’s only a baby,” he says. “Don’t you hear the rattle?”
What’s the name for a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What do you call it when you have snakes in your pants?
E-Reptile Dysfunction
“Hey, can I try feeding your snake?”
“Sure. His bread is in the pantry.”
“Your snake eats… Bread?”
“My anaconda don’t want none, unless you got buns, hun.”
What’s the best thing about a deadly snake?
They’ve got lots of poisonality.
I told my friend about how I caught a huge snake. He asked me how big it was and I said, have you seen the movie anaconda?
It was about the size of the Anaconda’s DVD box.
I advertised a python for sale in the paper
a man rang up and said “What size is it?”
I replied “It’s quite big”
“How many feet?” he asked,
“None, it’s a snake…”
A snake slithered into a bar and asked the bartender for a drink.
“I’m sorry,” said the bartender, “but I can’t serve you.”
“Why not?” asked the snake.
The bartender said, “Because you can’t hold your liquor.”
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python.
Oh, you can’t get round me like that, you know.
Hilarious Snake Jokes
Snakes have a nasty reputation that is unfair, but these hilarious snake jokes and puns are entertaining! You’ll be laughing so hard that you’ll need aspirin for your headache! Enjoy!
I was taking care of my friend’s snake while he was on vacation, but somehow it crawled into our freezer and died.
I asked my wife, “What should I tell him?”
She said, “Just give it to him straight.”
What did the snake say when offered a piece of cheese?
Thanks, I’ll just have a sliver!
Did you hear about the stupid snake?
He lost his skin.
Did you hear about the computer nerd who was eaten alive by a giant snake?
Now he’s programming in python.
Last night, I attempted to feed it a freshly grilled hamburger.
Just the patty, no bread.
The thing is, he wouldn’t eat it.
As it turns out,
my anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns, Hun.
Have you heard about the slippery eel?
Didn’t think so, you wouldn’t be able to grasp it!
What condition does a snake have that can’t get hard?
Ereptile dysfunction
What does a German snake sound like?
ßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßß….
So glad to meet you said the Hindu politely?
“Charmed I’m sure”, replied the snake!
I can’t see how this day could get any worse. First, my baby cousin went missing…
And now my pet snake has a huge tumor
Did you hear about the snake that killed animals for fun?
He was a cold-blooded murderer
What do you call a python with a great bedside manner?
A snake charmer!
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What do you get if you cross a glow-worm with a python?
A twenty-foot-long strip-light that can squeeze you to death.
What do you call a two-faced snake that runs a morgue?
A formaldehydra
What happened when a deadly rattle snake bit a witch?
He died in agony!
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It’s made of asphalt.
What is a snake’s favourite opera?
Wriggletto!
What is green, sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together?
Chimney Cricket!
Why is weighing snakes so easy?
Because they come with their own scales.
What sort of perfume do snakes prefer?
Poison by Christian Dior!
Knock Knock Snake Jokes
Let’s now look at some knock knock snake jokes. If you loved the preceding snake jokes, do your hardest not to laugh at these knock knock jokes.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Snakeskin.
Snakeskin, who?
Snakeskin bite, but we’d rather run away.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Adder.
Adder, who?
Adder you get in here?
Snake Jokes One Liners
There’s always something hilarious about a play on words, and snakes, fear not, lend themselves to a plethora of witty one-liners. Here are some of those snake one-liners for you to enjoy.
I don’t understand why so many people are scared of snakes. They’re completely armless.
My pet snake is exactly 3.14 metres long. He’s a πthon.
Did you hear about the Australian guy who had a snake come out of the toilet and bite his sack? The guy was OK but the snake died…it had a nut allergy.
Nobody wants to listen to White Snake with me. So here I go again on my own.
I’m a bit worried about the snake that ate the Meccano set. Apparently, he’s now a boa constructor.
A snake walks into a shop. The shopkeeper says, “How did you do that?”
A friend of mine crossed a physicist with a snake and got a Bohr Constrictor.
Think I’ve annoyed my friend’s pet snake. It’s had a bit of a hissy fit.
I was looking for rubber snakes in Dad’s Toy Store I found them in the rept-aisle.
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard It’s a lawnboa.
A snake charmer was bitten on the lips He didn’t know his asp from his oboe.
I gave my pet snake some glasses Now he’s a see serpent.
Two snakes parted. The first one said, “Well, fangs for the memories”.
A bottle of venom walks into a bar. The barman says “sorry mate, we don’t serve snakebite in here”.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff. Bah-dum-tiss.
Got mugged by a cobra once when I was walking through the park. Wouldn’t recognise it again though, it was wearing a hood.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
Which snakes are best at mathematics? Adders.
What’s the best unit of measurement of snakes? Inches, as they don’t have any feet.
A lady tried to order an exotic snake online but was surprised to find that when she opened the parcel, it contained only feathered scarves. Looks like the boa cons tricked her!
After the flood, satisfied his work was done, Noah was inspecting the ark one last time when he came across a pair of snakes. “Why are you still here?” he asked in surprise. “It’s safe now. Go forth! And multiply!” The snakes stared at him in confusion. “But… we’re adders.”
A jellyfish, a snake, and a snail walk into a bar. The jellyfish says, “This is impossible.”
Dirty Snake Jokes
Are you afraid of snakes? You won’t have to do that any longer if you get your hands on dirty snake jokes. And if you are a fan of snakes, there is plenty for you here. Here are some bad snake jokes for you.
Are you a snake charmer?
Want to charm my one-eyed snake?
Are you learning python?
Check out the one I got in my pants.
Babe, you sure know how to handle that snake.
I would like you to handle mine tonight.
Girl, your pussy is like a boa constrictor, it’s killing me inside.
Snake Jokes for Adults
Snake jokes are merely amusements based on snakes and their behaviors. These snake jokes for adults will have you chuckling all day long, even when you least expect it. They are designed to wow rather than frighten. So, expect more laughing and thrill, and absolutely no fear.
Why don’t snake drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
How do you measure a snake?
Answer: In inches. They don’t have any feet!
In which river can you expect to find lots of snakes?
The Hiss-issippi River.
What did the python say to the viper?
Answer: I’ve got a crush on you!
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What did the snake say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
Answer: Give me a little hiss.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What do you say when taking a selfie with a rattlesnake?
This is a missssss-take.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
What do you call a cereal box full of snakes?
Answer: Honey Bunches of nopes
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
Answer: A civil serpent!
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
“Hiss,” and “Herss.”
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Answer: Wait until he’s finished.
Why are snakes so hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
A snake walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “How did you do that?”
What do you get if you cross a serpent and a trumpet?
Answer: A snake in the brass!
What should you do if you find a giant snake sleeping in your bed?
Answer: Sleep in the wardrobe!
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
What did the snake give her boyfriend?
A goodnight hiss.
When will the little snake arrive?
Answer: I don’t know, but he won’t be long.
Why are snakes hard to trick?
Answer: No one can pull their leg!
Why should you never use a snake as a boomerang?
Because it will always come back to bite you.
Snake Jokes for Kids
Let us now take a look at some of the snake jokes for kids. You may pique children’s interest in zoology by telling them these jokes. At the same time, kids will learn that they should not tamper with any snakes.
How can you rescue a snake that looks dead?
With mouse-to-mouth resuscitation.
What do you call a young snake that tells the teacher false stories?
A grass snake.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What do snakes use to shoot something?
They use a boa and arrow.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What did the baby snake say when the mummy snake offered everyone a piece of cake?
Thanks, I’ll just have a slither.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
What should you do if you see a huge snake sleeping in your bed?
Sleep somewhere else.
What did the mummy snake say to the baby snake?
Please stop crying and viper your nose.
What do you call a snake that bakes?
A pie-thon.
What did the baby snake say to his big brother?
“Don’t be such a rattle-tail!”
What’s a snake’s favorite dance?
The snake, rattle, and roll.
What’s subject at school did the snake win an award for?
Maths, because it was an adder!
What is a snake’s favorite school subject?
Hisstory.
Why do snakes like to squeeze their food?
Because they don’t have arms to hug it.
What’s a snake’s favorite dance?
The mamba.
What did the snake say to the loud children at the library?
Ssssss.
Why did Woody have to wear sneakers?
There was a snake in his boot.
What do snakes have printed on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
What kind of car does a snake drive?
An ana-honda.
How did the snakes escape from prison?
They scaled the wall and got out.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a snake?
A jump rope.
When is the wrong time to reason with a snake?
When it’s throwing a hissy fit.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
Funniest Snake Jokes
Let us now look at some of the funniest snake jokes. In these jokes, there is no mention of these creatures biting people. They are, in fact, one of the funniest snake jokes.
Doctor: “Can you describe the snake that bit you?”
Patient: “Yes. It looked like an angry rope.”
A childhood classic my dad used to tell me:
Q. Why was a frog flying?
A. Because he ate a helium baloon.
Q. Then why was a snake flying?
A. Because it ate the flying frog.
Q. Then why was the eagle flying?
A. Because it has wings
My girlfriend said she was going to get a massive tattoo of a snake on her back.
“Do it,” I said. “But it might hurt you.”
“I know,” she replied. “But it’s only a needle.”
“No,” I said. “I mean being single.”
I got mugged by a cobra once when I was walking through the park.
I wouldn’t recognize it again, though. It was wearing a hood.
I got really frustrated and my wife warned me not to cuss when the kids were around.
Me: This is such bull-
Wife: Shhh, say snake instead
Me: Oh right. This is such snakeshit
Not many of you know that my wife was bitten by a rattlesnake over the summer, while we were camping. After two days of horrible, writhing agony, the snake died.
Why did the snake cross the road?
Answer: To get to the other s-s-s-side!
A snake tells her son, “Go out and get me some scale cream!”
“Why?”
“Because I shed so!”
Why don’t snakes ever bite lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
A male snake charmer married a female undertaker…
Their bath towels read “Hiss” and “Hearse”
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
Looks like the boa cons tricked her.
My friend told me he bought a 4-foot snake
I told him that’s a weird way to describe a lizard.
Whatever you do, don’t buy anything from eBay seller xx_Anna_xx
My wife bought a crocodile skin handbag from her. When the bag arrived, turned out to be snake skin…
Anna conned her.
Snake Jokes That Will Make You Laugh
The majority of us are still terrified of these crawlers. And there’s a solid reason behind it. Despite their reputation as toxic and destructive animals, they do have a beneficial side. Here are some snake jokes that will make you laugh.
Q: How can you tell if a snake enjoyed a good joke?
A: He laughs hsssssss-terically.
How did the snakes bust out of jail?
They scaled the wall.
Do you know snakes can avoid making babies?
By Using an Anacondom.
How do snakes cook pasta?
Heat until the water coils or comes to a slither (Boils or comes to a simmer).
Q: What do you call a deadly snake with a lovely singing voice?
A: A choral snake.
What clothing might sister snakes share?
Co-bras
I used to be jealous of Harry Potter for being able to talk to snakes.
But it turns out, I’ve been doing it for years.
What is another word for a python?
A mega-bite
Who married the kingsnake?
Queensnake
Q: Why did the snake travel from coast to coast?
A: In order to make a long-distance coil.
Q: Why do snakes make so little money?
A: They work for scale.
What kind of snake can cut a rug with the best of them?
A carpet python
What do you call a reptile that plays baseball?
Snake Arrieta
Final Thoughts on Snake Jokes
Thank you for taking the time to read the snake jokes we provided. Whether you adore or despise the monstrous reptiles, the snake jokes we shared with you are sure to make your family laugh.
They’ll be a hit with the kids, we promise! Every year on July 16, World Snake Day attempts to raise awareness of the roughly 3,500 snake species that live across the world. Yes, it is a large number of snakes!
And guess what else? Not all of them are as frightening or dangerous as we assume. Because of their negative image throughout the years, the interesting reptiles are frequently not given the credit they deserve.
These funny snake jokes try to transform the negative attitude of snakes and encourage compassion for all living beings, including those we fear. So, share these jokes about snakes with your friends and family and have a great time.
