145 Short Dirty Jokes That Bring More Adult Humor

Short dirty jokes might come in handy when you have nothing to do and want to ask acquaintances or close ones who share your thoughts. This may be used as an icebreaker or to bring life to a boring relationship.

Remember that long or detailed jokes might ruin the entire game, so short dirty jokes are the way to go.

That happens every time. We are frequently advised not to take life too seriously. After all, life is nothing more than a huge, nasty joke.

Sometimes, humor is all about efficiency, and short adult jokes are no exception. You may call yourself a very hilarious person if you can make others laugh with only one or two phrases.

If you are easily offended or require a safe environment, these nasty jokes are not for you!

You May Also Be Interested In:

• dirty minded jokes
• flirty knock knock jokes
• sarcastic jokes

Best Short Dirty Jokes

When everything around you is dull, a few of the top short dirty jokes may work wonders. What’s 6 inches long, 2 inches broad, and drives ladies insane? That’s one of the short adult jokes. One hundred dollars.

“Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled. “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.


What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth?
A glad-he-ate-her.


How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.


Sex is like playing Bridge – if you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand.


What do boobs and toys have in common?
They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.


What did the elephant ask the naked man?
“How do you breathe out of that thing?”


Why didn’t the toilet paper make it across the street?
It got stuck in a crack.


What’s worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?
Finding out it was traced.


What does being born in September mean?
Well, it means your parents started the year with a bang.


What’s the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?
A washing machine doesn’t follow me home after I dump a load in it.


My girlfriend thought I’d be a pushover in bed, and wouldn’t you know it, she had me pegged from the start.


How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from!


What did the man say to the police officer who told him, ‘Anything you say can and will be held against you?’
‘Boobs!'”


What does a 75-year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn’t?
Her navel.


What is the difference b/w stress, tension & panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, tension is when girlfriend is pregnant & panic is when both are pregnant


What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato?
A dictator!


Sex is like a burrito…Don’t unwrap or that baby’s in your lap.


Name something you can say during Game of Thrones and sex.
The ending was disappointing.

Funny Short Dirty Jokes

Is it feasible to have a dirty and humorous joke at the same time? It is, indeed. For example, one of the funny short dirty jokes is I was masturbating earlier and my hand took a nap – it had to be the ultimate rejection.

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.


What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.


What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.


Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn’t budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.


What is the first thing a man puts in a woman when they get married?
The wedding ring.


What’s the difference between a prince and a booger?
A prince is an heir to the throne. A booger is thrown into the air.


What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.


I’ve been taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn’t cure it but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night.


What do a hooker and bungee jump have in common?
Unfortunately, if the rubber breaks, you are obviously screwed.


A dad tells his son “Stop masturbating! if you do it too long you will go blind.” The son replied “Dad, I’m over here.


A couple gets married, and on their wedding night, the wife asks what a penis is.
The husband, surprised, pulls his out.
She says, “Oh, it’s like a dick but smaller.”


What did the sex toy store employee say to the customers before closing for the night?
‘It’s time for you to beat it!'”


What’s the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick?
The hockey player takes a shower after three periods.


I really deeply wish that you are here with me in my room on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together to show you my glow in the dark watch.


My girlfriend asked me if I smoke after sex…I said I haven’t looked.

Hilarious Short Dirty Jokes

Sending hilarious short dirty jokes to a mate may be a lot of fun, and you can wind up laughing your lungs out together. What is another word for a vaginal opening? The container in which a penis is delivered.

Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.


I asked my partner if I was the only one, she’s/he’s been with.
She/he said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights”


You should only have sex with a famous person if you really, really genuinely want to tell people about it afterwards.


What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.


Hair on the top and hair on the bottom, in the middle a wet slit, what is it?
The eye.


People keep asking me if I helped elect the booger.
I keep telling them he wasn’t my pick.


Do you know why a witch never wears panties?
More grip on the broom.


If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.


What would you call a hooker with her hand up her skirt?
Self-employed


What’s the difference between a Greyhound terminal and a lobster with boobs? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.


You know you’re getting old when your wife says, “Honey, let’s run upstairs and make love,”
And you answer, “I can’t do both.”


Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra.
“The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.”


What do a guy and a car have in common?
They both have an ability to misfire.


Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife has passed away.

Corny Short Dirty Jokes

It is inappropriate to have sex in an elevator. On a variety of levels. One of the instances of short inappropriate jokes that should be sent with caution. Your best friend is definitely a great choice for it.

What’s the difference between kinky and perverted?

Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?
I want you inside me.


What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.


What did the guy say when he got caught masturbating to an optical illusion?
“It’s not what it looks like!”


What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?
A private tutor.


What is the difference between a prostitute and a 7-year-old?
You don’t know? You sick weirdo.


One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, “Please send me a sister.” Santa Clause wrote him back, “Ok, send me your mother.”


What’s the best help you can give to a constipating person?
Well, scare the shit outta them.


Why do walruses love a Tupperware party?
They’re always on the lookout for a tight seal.


What did the left nut say to the right nut?
Don’t talk to the guy in the middle; he’s a real dick!


A husband says to his wife, I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me happy and sad both at the same time.
She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, “Your p*nis is bigger than your brother’s.”


How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
Once you open it, you realize it’s half-empty.


What did the clitoris say to the vulva?
“It’s all good in the hood!”

Short Dirty Jokes One Liners

There is no law stating that hilarious jokes must be defined. One of the best dirty one-liners what is the difference between “ooooooh” and “aaah” Approximately three inches.

(Use index finger to call someone over and then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.


What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? A: Halfway


I didn’t have sex at all, not a scrap til I was 67. And that was cos I’d no small change for the window cleaner.


They say that kissing is a language of love, so would you mind starting a conversation with me?


Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.


If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are… you have small boobs.


If a threesome is with three people and a twosome with two, do you now understand why people call you ‘handsome’.


What name do you give to a country where everyone is pissed off?
Urination.


Sex is like pizza, if you’re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you’re doing.”


A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.


A worm crawls out of a pile of spaghetti and says: “Damn, that was one hell of a gang bang!”


You know you’ve got a high sperm count when she has to chew before she swallows.


If it’s true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

Short Dirty Jokes for Adults

As we become older, we find “clean jokes” less humorous as we have a lot more adult sense of humor: hence we prefer funny short adult jokes that can’t make us stop laughing.

What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.


They say make up sex is the best…
Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up


Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, ‘Yes, who did you think it was?


Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.


Why did the white goo cross the road?
Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.


What’s the process of applying for a job at Hooters?
They just give you a bra and say “Here, fill this out.”


If circumcision is done poorly and cheaply, what do you call that?
A bloody rip-off.


What do a good woman and a good bar have in common?
Liquor in the front and poker in the back.


My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.


What do a penis and Rubik’s cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.


What’s the speed limit in bed?
“It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.”


What’s the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus!


What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
Beat it. We’re closed.

Short Dirty Jokes for Her

Texting short nasty jokes to your partner on occasion might help keep the flame alive in the relationship. What’s fluffy and poking out of your pajamas in the middle of the night? Your head. One of the nasty jokes for her.

Why does a mermaid wear seashells?
Because she outgrew her B-shells!


Your face reminds me of a wrench; every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up.


What does one boob say to the other boob?
If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.


Why is sex like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.


I’m not calling you a slut, I’m calling you a penny: two faced, worthless, and in everyone’s pants.


Did you hear about the guy who died because he was erect for too long?
They couldn’t close his casket.


What do mice and gay people have in common?
They are both enemies of pussies.


I wish you were my big toe. Then I would bang you on every piece of furniture at my house.


What the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?
I’ve never let a garbanzo bean on my chest.


If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have?
Three feet of my cock up your ass.


Congratulations! You’ve been voted “Most Beautiful Girl In This Room” and the grand prize is a night with me!


How is being in the military like getting a BJ?
“The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.”


I wish you were soap so I could feel you all over me.

Short Dirty Jokes and Riddles

Riddles pique our attention. What if the theme was filthy and disgusting? What’s the best portion of your body to put into a pie? One of the examples of a short dirty jokes and riddles. Your pearly whites.

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.


Why are men like diapers?
They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.


What do you call a video of two toads having sex?
Frogspawn.


What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.


What’s the difference between a microwave and a woman?
A man will actually press and pull a microwave’s buttons and knobs.


How is playing bridge similar to sex?
If you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand.


What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say when clients are leaving?
“Thanks for coming!”


Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom.


Did you know about the hole in the walls of houses in the nudist colony?
The police are looking into it.


What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
Two Test-tickles


Want to know how to fit 71 people in the car?
2 in the front while we handle 69 in the back.


What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common?
They both take it in the back and go “whoot whoot.”


How is a thunderstorm similar to sex?
You never know how many inches you will get or how long it will last.


Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
They don’t have balls to scratch.


I’ll admit it, I have a tremendous s*x drive. “My girlfriend lives forty miles away.”


Three nuns are sitting on a park bench when a flasher comes by. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, the third nun couldn’t reach.


What’s the best part about sex with 28-year-olds?
There are twenty of them.

Funniest Short Dirty Jokes

Every one of us has probably done something nasty at some point in our lives. Why not try some short naughty jokes? For example, what becomes wetter as things get raunchy? Steamboats.

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.


Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with, ‘I can’t talk now, I’m going into a tunnel.


What’s the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.


A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.


They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the hell runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?


I farted at work the other day and my coworker tried opening the window. It must have been a really bad one — we work on a submarine.


What do you get when you mix human DNA and goat DNA?
You get kicked out of the petting zoo.


How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper!


What’s the difference between you and the refrigerator?
The refrigerator doesn’t moan when I put my meat in it.


What do a boyfriend/girlfriend and a math test have in common?
They’re both something we could cheat on.


A husband says to his wife, “Why don’t you tell me when you orgasm?”
She replies, “I don’t like calling you when you’re at work.”


I told my mom that I have an Oedipus complex.
She asked if I was serious, and I said, “Nah, I’m just fucking with you.”


Did you hear Lorena Bobbit just died?
Yeah I heard she was on the freeway and some dick cut her off.


My bae told me that s/x is better on vacation.
“It wasn’t the best postcard I’ve ever received.”


How do you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
By the taste.


My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, “I shaved my pussy you know what that means?”
I said, “Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again.”

Short Dirty Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

If you are naive, you may not understand what to expect from short sexy jokes. You can get an idea from the offered one. What did the condom say to the penis? A. Protect me, I’m going in.

What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?
Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.


Do I believe in safe sex? Of course I do. I have a handrail around the bed.


Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because like all men, they won’t stop to ask directions.


Who are the most dangerous farters in the world?
Ninjas. They’re silent but deadly.


Weirdly, I’ve been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. It doesn’t cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night.


What do you call an anorexic woman with a yeast infection?
A Quarter Pounder with Cheese


Every man has one. It feels great when you blow it and if you’re not careful, it may drip. What is it?
A nose.


My wife gave me a handjob the other day using Vaseline. I came three times trying to wash that shit off.


Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say “don’t” and if he touches your pussy say “stop”?
Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said “don’t stop”


It’s not that the man didn’t know how to juggle… “He just didn’t have the balls to do it.”


I took a poop in the elevator. I’m taking this shit to a whole new level.


2 men went 2 a callgirl.
1st went in and came out n said: Na my wife is better.
2nd went in and came out n said: U R right ur wife is much better.


What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block?
A beaver dam!


It goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet. What is it?
A bubblegum.

Final Thoughts on Short Dirty Jokes

Some of us are more deviant than others. However, there will be few people who have never committed a single act of naughtiness throughout their lives. In truth, without a little mischief, especially as children, our lives would be pretty boring.

Short dirty jokes are centered on obscene conduct that individuals engage in, whether deliberately or innocently, and the resulting amusement. Discover these short dirty jokes and get a good chuckle. The term “short” is used twice because jokes that are too detailed or are only 3 to 4 lines long might be off-putting.

Make sure to tell some of the nicest and short adult jokes that will make the other person think of you as a humorous person.

We’re not suggesting you should stop making infantile jokes since we find them entertaining as well. However, as you become older, short rude jokes may be the most suitable and pleasant alternative.