133 Hilarious Monday Jokes to Brighten the Whole Week
If youβre having a bad day at work or school on Monday, here are some Monday jokes to perk you up. The weekend has come to an end, and we must all return to our regular lives. β
But on Monday, it feels like our thoughts are trapped in the fun we had over the weekend while our bodies are imprisoned at school or work, thatβs why we despise Mondays. But what if you werenβt required to? β
Youβll discover a fair number of amusing Monday jokes for work and school here that will keep you laughing all week.
The first day back in the office is generally the most difficult, but these Monday morning jokes will help you get through it alive and sane. Perk up your next Monday morning further with these humorous Monday jokes that everyone will enjoy. β
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Table of Contents
Best Monday Jokes
The first day back at work is often the most difficult. Read through these amusing Monday morning jokes to start your week off properly. These best Monday jokes will undoubtedly brighten your day. β
Why did the corrupt calendar go to prison at the start of the week?
He had been Monday laundering!
What is your favorite day of the week, and why it is your favorite day of the week? Mine is Tuesday because that means Monday is gone.
Thank God Itβs Monday
-My Liver
Which day of the week are demons most exhausted?
De-Monday, just like the rest of us.
Q: Why does Sunday always beat Monday in arm wrestling?
A: Because Monday is a weakday.
Hello Monday, can I ask you a question? Why are you always back so quickly? Do you not have a hobby?
Monday really needs something to keep itself busy so we donβt have to see it.
What do you call a person who is happy on Mondays?
Unemployed.
If you ever see me smiling on a Monday, know that an alien has killed me and is wearing my skin as a disguise. We never, ever smile on Mondays.
What did the cashew say on Monday morning?
Monday always drives me nuts!
Funny Monday Jokes
These simple yet effective, engaging, and funny Monday jokes will have your coworkers and friends laughing, and will undoubtedly spice up any dull Monday morning. β
Q: What did the Cyclops say every Monday morning?
A: Eye donβt want to get up!
Set your clocks at the start of the weekend so that you know just how much fun time you get to have. Then smash your clocks so you wonβt know when Monday starts.
My wifeβs panties are labelled βMondayβ, βTuesdayβ, βWednesdayβ β¦
My underwear is labelled βJanuaryβ, Februaryβ, βMarchββ¦
Monday, youβre so jealous of my relationship with Sunday because I am so happy to see you leave!
In the example given, Johnny would buy seventeen donuts each Monday, and he would eat twelve each Wednesday. What would Johnny have at the end of the year?
Diabetes.
What did Monday say to Friday?
Between you and I, today is a good day to hump.
Hope you guys had a great weekend! Who is dreading today besides me?
What do you call an ant that sells medicine from Monday to Friday, and helps a farmer on the weekend?
A farmassistant!
Why does Gordon Ramsay not like WWE on Monday Nights?
Because itβs RAW!
Q: How do cheeses greet each other on Monday mornings?
A: Have a Gouda week!
Why did Selena Gomez dump The Weekend on a Monday?
She wished The Weekend was longer.
My wife gives me head every Monday.
She wonβt let any of Sundayβs roast chicken go to waste.
How do you make a blond laugh on Monday?
Tell her a joke on Tuesday
Monday: Greg, Tuesday: Ian, Wednesday: Greg, Thursday: Ian, Friday: Greg, Saturday: Ian, Sunday: Greg β The Greg-or-Ian calendar!
If every day is a gift, I want to know where I can return Mondays.
Cute Monday Jokes
Itβs Monday, and youβre facing another week of work. You need to be convinced that thereβs a cause to feel anything other than despair β anything to give you confidence that youβll make it to Friday. These cute Monday jokes are just what you need to get you started! β
Things I donβt like:
1) Probably you.
2) Cold coffee.
3) Small talk.
4) Mondays.
5) Having a small talk with you on a Monday while my coffee is getting cold.
The shortest horror story is called: βMonday.β
If a man arrived in a town with his horse on a Saturday and stayed there for one night, how is it possible that he arrived back home on Monday?
The horseβs name was Monday.
Somebody walks into an ice cream parlour and asks βwhat flavours do you have?β
The Store assistant says βover there on the signs on the wall, youβll see them allβ
The client goes βUm, well Iβll have a cone with two scoops of Mondays Closed.
Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.
Dear Monday, my mama doesnβt like you and she likes everyone.
What subject did the snake learn in school on Monday?
Hiss-tory!
I thought about wishing you a βHappy Monday!β but thatβs like saying βenjoy your root canal.β
Hello, Iβm Monday I will be with you all day long.
On a Monday morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
βWake up son. Itβs time to get to school!β
βBut mom, I donβt want to go.β
βGive me two reasons why.β
βWell, the kids hate me, and the teachers hate me too!β
βThatβs no reason. Come now get ready.β
βGive me two reasons why I should go?β
βWell for one you are 40 years old. And for another, youβre the teacher!β.
Roses are red, Mondays are hard. Iβm not good at poetry. COFFEE.
Dear Monday, go step on a lego.
My family found out that my brother and I stopped fighting ever since we started going out to a fancy restaurant twice a week. My brother goes out Mondays and I go out on Fridays.
Monday checklist: coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee.
Itβs Feb. 14th. Happy Valentineβs Day to all those in love and happy Monday to all those who are married.
Cheesy Monday Jokes
With these cheesy Monday jokes in your armory, youβll always have something to laugh about on Mondays. You might even share these Monday jokes with your friends and coworkers to help lighten their day.
Q: When does Monday come before Sunday?
A: In the dictionary!
Last year I bought an instructional boxing DVD on Cyber Monday.
This year Iβm going Black Friday shopping.
I think Iβm allergic to Monday.
In the sentence: βI love Mondayβ, the guy is crazy, retired, or on vacation.
Rolling out of bed on Mondays is easy.
Getting off the floor is much harder.
Never make your favorite song the alarm for Monday morning; youβll hate it for years.
Another Monday
Ugggggβ¦β¦Another Monday is near. All I look forward to anymore is laying down and relaxing on the couch after a long day of sitting upright and being tense on the couch.
Are you ready for Monday?
Not.
Monday should be optional.
Why did the skeleton do a poor job in school on Monday?
His heart wasnβt in it!
One day on Venus lasts 5,832 hours.
The same as one Monday on Earth.
Did you hear about the African who loved Monday Mornings?
He was a Monday morning kinda Gueye.
Sunday and Monday are in a fight. Who wins?
Sunday. Monday is a weekday. We feel weak on Mondays, too.
Q: Why was the root vegetable in a good mood on Monday?
A: It was an up-beet.
Why didnβt the skeleton laugh at Monday jokes?
He didnβt find them humerus!
Iβm always in a bad mood on Monday morning. It makes me hate everything for no reason whatsoever.
Q: In a galaxy far, far away, who is always eager to start a new work week?
A: The Mondaylorians.
If Monday were a person, it wouldnβt have friends.
Whatβs the best time to get a discount on robotic parts?
Cyborg Monday!
Q: Whatβs the saddest part of the week?
A: Monday mourningβ¦
Monday Jokes One Liners
I know itβs Monday morning and youβre already planning how youβre going to get through the week. If you donβt like Mondays, then these Monday jokes one liners will help lift your mood! β
Look on the bright side, at least Mondays only happen once a week.
Tuesday through Sunday are okay, but Monday is the week link.
On what day do ghosts do their howling? Moan-day!
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTFβ¦
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring. No one would ever want to watch it.
If Monday had a face, I would punch it.
If you look at it on the bright side, Monday only comes once a week.
Why was Sunday afraid of Monday? Because Monday through Friday!
Mondays are always long and boring, just like the movie.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. Imagine if we had two Mondays every week!
Monday is an awful way to spend one-seventh of your life.
What is the best way to describe Monday? Monday-ne!
The only thing worse than Friday the 13th is Monday the 13th. Itβs a much spookier day.
I like Tuesday simply because it is the furthest from next Monday I can possibly be.
Monday isnβt that bad β just 48 hours ago it was a sadder-day!
A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday β those were the days!
God gave us Mondays to punish us for the things we did over the weekend.
I really need a day in-between Sunday and Monday. Make every weekend a three day weekend and Mondays wonβt seem so bad.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, I blinked and now itβs Monday, again.
Knock Knock Monday Jokes
Are you still seeking for more amusing jokes for Monday? Sometimes the only method to get through anything is to crack a joke about it. Weβve got some Monday knock knock jokes specifically for you. β
Knock Knock
Whoβs there?
Toothy.
Toothy who?
Toothy the day after Monday.
Knock knock.
Whoβs there?
Monday.
Go Away!
Knock Knock
Whoβs there?
Heymon.
Heymon who?
Heymonday is here already!
Monday Jokes for Work
Is Monday your least favorite day of the week? Well, we have compiled these funny Monday jokes for work for you to enjoy! Share these Monday morning jokes for work with your colleagues and enjoy a laugh you so desperately need.
What do you call Mondays without any Zoom meetings?
Meetless Mondays.
You know how to get your weekly return to work started with a bang? With a battle! Letβs grab some foam weapons and have a playful office brawl.
Boss: βCan you work this weekend?β
Me: βYeah no worries but Iβll probably be a bit late as public transport is slow on weekends.β
Boss: βWhat time will you get here?β
Me: βMonday.β
I always give 100% at work.
14% on Monday.
30% on Tuesday.
30% on Wednesday.
24% on Thursday.
2% on Friday.
Iβve been keeping this a secret for almost a year now because I didnβt want to lose friends
-I donβt work on Mondays.
That obnoxious moment when your boss calls you early on a Monday asking where youβre at.
I can honestly say that I am likely to resemble a sloth when I crawl out of bed on Monday morning!
Itβs Monday . . . back to work. I hate this moment. Let me sleep a little more.
For everyone in the working world today: Itβs a Tuesdayβ¦ which is like a Monday but with steel-toed boots and a slightly lower aim.
Work is usually easy, but once in a while it gives me a run for my Monday.
Hello, Monday! I donβt really hate you. Anyway, why should I, huh? Itβs just that I feel uneasy when I hear that you are around.
What does the executioner say on Monday mornings?
βTime to beheaded to work.β
If I was elected president, the first thing I would do would be to eliminate all Mondays and lengthen the weekend one more day.
Iβm pretty sure that itβs a universal truth that everybody hates office work after having the weekend off.
Cyber Monday β finally a reason to legitimately feel appear focused at work.
Monday Jokes for Adults
Adults have a very low threshold for working on Mondays since they have to work all day long. And in doing so, their lives become hell. If you find yourself in the same situation, here are some Monday jokes for adults that you may enjoy.
I hope that Cyber Monday extends to the deep web.
Because Iβm going to need to a discount on a new liver after all of that Thanksgiving drinking!
Iβm financially set for lifeβ¦ providing I die next Monday.
Good morning. Keep calm and pretend itβs not Monday.
Good Friday is the day Jesus died.
Easter Sunday is the day Jesus rose from the dead.
And Cyber Monday is the day Jesus ascended into the cloud.
What did the calendar maker do after he created an entry for Monday?
He called it a day!
Why do fishermen catch barramundi on a Monday?
Because if they caught it a day later, they would have to call it barratuesdi.
Just once I want to wake up on Monday morning, turn on the news, and hear: βMondayβs been canceled go back to bed.β
Did you hear about the group of restless Cyber Monday TVs?
They were ADHD.
Q: What does Sonic need a lot of on Mondays?
A: Hedge-hugs.
I hope your Black Friday injuries arenβt so severe you canβt click a mouse on Cyber Monday.
What is large on Sunday and Saturday, small on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, and disappears on Monday?
The letter S.
What comes after Cyber Monday?
Buyerβs Remorse Tuesday and Hiding From Your Creditors Wednesday.
Guess who is so excited that today is Monday?
Thatβs right! Not me!
Monday Jokes for Kids
Monday jokes for kids are a terrific method to introduce your kids to wordplay while also eliciting immediate amusement. Here are a few of them for you to share with your children. β
Q: How do hens feel on Mondays?
A: Eggshausted.
Q: Why does Santa hand out candy canes on Mondays?
A: For encourage-mint.
Q: What do kids do on Mondays during vacation?
A: The same thing they do every other day!
Q: Whatβs the most annoying thing for NFL players starting the week?
A: Monday morning quarterbacksβ¦
Q: During the school year, whatβs the number one thing kids wish for on Sunday night?
A: A foot of snow by morningβ¦
Q: Whatβs the most depressing sound on Monday?
A: Alarm clocks!
Q: Which day of the week are demons most tired?
A: De-Monday, just like everyone else.
Q: Why was the acid so rude on Monday?
A: He was a-mean-o-acidβ¦
Monday Jokes for Students
These Monday jokes for students are ideal for any student who needs a pick-me-up at the beginning of the week, whether itβs a drizzly Monday morning on a school day or the weary conclusion of a Monday during the summertime. β
Whatβs the number one thing schoolchildren wish for on Sundays?
A foot of snow by Monday.
Why was the M&M excited to get to school on Monday?
He wanted to be a Smartie!
Q: What did the teacher say to her aardvark student when he walked into class on Monday morning?
A: Why the long face?
Why was the broom late for school on Monday?
He over-swept!
Q: Why did the cat stay home from school on Monday?
A: He wasnβt feline well.
Why was the pirate excited for school on Monday?
He had arrrrt class!
Why did the zombie have to stay at home from school on Monday?
He was feeling rotten!
Why did the magicians in class get the best mark on their test on Monday?
They got all of the trick questions right!
Why did the robot have some trouble focusing at school on Monday?
He was a little rusty!
Why couldnβt the ghost leave school on Monday?
He was the school spirit.
Final Thoughts on Monday Jokes
Monday is a day that everyone dreads. The weekend has come to a close, and itβs time to head back to work. If youβre experiencing a rough Monday, try these amusing Monday jokes. β
Our objective is to offer you with the majority of the goofy comedy so you can start your week off correctly. Please share these Monday jokes with your friends so they may laugh as well! Monday isnβt just ordinary day; itβs the day many people return to work following a weekend off. β
There are those who return to work rejuvenated, well rested, and ready for the day, and those who straggle in fatigued and recuperating from a long weekend; the variances provide grist for a number of funny Monday jokes. β
These Monday jokes, puzzles, and gags are ideal for parents, educators, cab drivers, colleagues, and children of all ages. Mondays arenβt always amusing, but Monday morning jokes are.
