133 Hilarious Monday Jokes to Brighten the Whole Week
If you’re having a bad day at work or school on Monday, here are some Monday jokes to perk you up. The weekend has come to an end, and we must all return to our regular lives.
But on Monday, it feels like our thoughts are trapped in the fun we had over the weekend while our bodies are imprisoned at school or work, that’s why we despise Mondays. But what if you weren’t required to?
You’ll discover a fair number of amusing Monday jokes for work and school here that will keep you laughing all week.
The first day back in the office is generally the most difficult, but these Monday morning jokes will help you get through it alive and sane. Perk up your next Monday morning further with these humorous Monday jokes that everyone will enjoy.
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Table of Contents
Best Monday Jokes
The first day back at work is often the most difficult. Read through these amusing Monday morning jokes to start your week off properly. These best Monday jokes will undoubtedly brighten your day.
Why did the corrupt calendar go to prison at the start of the week?
He had been Monday laundering!
What is your favorite day of the week, and why it is your favorite day of the week? Mine is Tuesday because that means Monday is gone.
Thank God It’s Monday
-My Liver
Which day of the week are demons most exhausted?
De-Monday, just like the rest of us.
Q: Why does Sunday always beat Monday in arm wrestling?
A: Because Monday is a weakday.
Hello Monday, can I ask you a question? Why are you always back so quickly? Do you not have a hobby?
Monday really needs something to keep itself busy so we don’t have to see it.
What do you call a person who is happy on Mondays?
Unemployed.
If you ever see me smiling on a Monday, know that an alien has killed me and is wearing my skin as a disguise. We never, ever smile on Mondays.
What did the cashew say on Monday morning?
Monday always drives me nuts!
Funny Monday Jokes
These simple yet effective, engaging, and funny Monday jokes will have your coworkers and friends laughing, and will undoubtedly spice up any dull Monday morning.
Q: What did the Cyclops say every Monday morning?
A: Eye don’t want to get up!
Set your clocks at the start of the weekend so that you know just how much fun time you get to have. Then smash your clocks so you won’t know when Monday starts.
My wife’s panties are labelled ‘Monday’, ‘Tuesday’, ‘Wednesday’ …
My underwear is labelled ‘January’, February’, ‘March’…
Monday, you’re so jealous of my relationship with Sunday because I am so happy to see you leave!
In the example given, Johnny would buy seventeen donuts each Monday, and he would eat twelve each Wednesday. What would Johnny have at the end of the year?
Diabetes.
What did Monday say to Friday?
Between you and I, today is a good day to hump.
Hope you guys had a great weekend! Who is dreading today besides me?
What do you call an ant that sells medicine from Monday to Friday, and helps a farmer on the weekend?
A farmassistant!
Why does Gordon Ramsay not like WWE on Monday Nights?
Because it’s RAW!
Q: How do cheeses greet each other on Monday mornings?
A: Have a Gouda week!
Why did Selena Gomez dump The Weekend on a Monday?
She wished The Weekend was longer.
My wife gives me head every Monday.
She won’t let any of Sunday’s roast chicken go to waste.
How do you make a blond laugh on Monday?
Tell her a joke on Tuesday
Monday: Greg, Tuesday: Ian, Wednesday: Greg, Thursday: Ian, Friday: Greg, Saturday: Ian, Sunday: Greg – The Greg-or-Ian calendar!
If every day is a gift, I want to know where I can return Mondays.
Cute Monday Jokes
It’s Monday, and you’re facing another week of work. You need to be convinced that there’s a cause to feel anything other than despair – anything to give you confidence that you’ll make it to Friday. These cute Monday jokes are just what you need to get you started!
Things I don’t like:
1) Probably you.
2) Cold coffee.
3) Small talk.
4) Mondays.
5) Having a small talk with you on a Monday while my coffee is getting cold.
The shortest horror story is called: “Monday.”
If a man arrived in a town with his horse on a Saturday and stayed there for one night, how is it possible that he arrived back home on Monday?
The horse’s name was Monday.
Somebody walks into an ice cream parlour and asks “what flavours do you have?”
The Store assistant says “over there on the signs on the wall, you’ll see them all”
The client goes “Um, well I’ll have a cone with two scoops of Mondays Closed.
Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.
Dear Monday, my mama doesn’t like you and she likes everyone.
What subject did the snake learn in school on Monday?
Hiss-tory!
I thought about wishing you a ‘Happy Monday!’ but that’s like saying ‘enjoy your root canal.’
Hello, I’m Monday I will be with you all day long.
On a Monday morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
“Wake up son. It’s time to get to school!”
“But mom, I don’t want to go.”
“Give me two reasons why.”
“Well, the kids hate me, and the teachers hate me too!”
“That’s no reason. Come now get ready.”
“Give me two reasons why I should go?”
“Well for one you are 40 years old. And for another, you’re the teacher!”.
Roses are red, Mondays are hard. I’m not good at poetry. COFFEE.
Dear Monday, go step on a lego.
My family found out that my brother and I stopped fighting ever since we started going out to a fancy restaurant twice a week. My brother goes out Mondays and I go out on Fridays.
Monday checklist: coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee.
It’s Feb. 14th. Happy Valentine’s Day to all those in love and happy Monday to all those who are married.
Cheesy Monday Jokes
With these cheesy Monday jokes in your armory, you’ll always have something to laugh about on Mondays. You might even share these Monday jokes with your friends and coworkers to help lighten their day.
Q: When does Monday come before Sunday?
A: In the dictionary!
Last year I bought an instructional boxing DVD on Cyber Monday.
This year I’m going Black Friday shopping.
I think I’m allergic to Monday.
In the sentence: “I love Monday”, the guy is crazy, retired, or on vacation.
Rolling out of bed on Mondays is easy.
Getting off the floor is much harder.
Never make your favorite song the alarm for Monday morning; you’ll hate it for years.
Another Monday
Uggggg……Another Monday is near. All I look forward to anymore is laying down and relaxing on the couch after a long day of sitting upright and being tense on the couch.
Are you ready for Monday?
Not.
Monday should be optional.
Why did the skeleton do a poor job in school on Monday?
His heart wasn’t in it!
One day on Venus lasts 5,832 hours.
The same as one Monday on Earth.
Did you hear about the African who loved Monday Mornings?
He was a Monday morning kinda Gueye.
Sunday and Monday are in a fight. Who wins?
Sunday. Monday is a weekday. We feel weak on Mondays, too.
Q: Why was the root vegetable in a good mood on Monday?
A: It was an up-beet.
Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at Monday jokes?
He didn’t find them humerus!
I’m always in a bad mood on Monday morning. It makes me hate everything for no reason whatsoever.
Q: In a galaxy far, far away, who is always eager to start a new work week?
A: The Mondaylorians.
If Monday were a person, it wouldn’t have friends.
What’s the best time to get a discount on robotic parts?
Cyborg Monday!
Q: What’s the saddest part of the week?
A: Monday mourning…
Monday Jokes One Liners
I know it’s Monday morning and you’re already planning how you’re going to get through the week. If you don’t like Mondays, then these Monday jokes one liners will help lift your mood!
Look on the bright side, at least Mondays only happen once a week.
Tuesday through Sunday are okay, but Monday is the week link.
On what day do ghosts do their howling? Moan-day!
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF…
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring. No one would ever want to watch it.
If Monday had a face, I would punch it.
If you look at it on the bright side, Monday only comes once a week.
Why was Sunday afraid of Monday? Because Monday through Friday!
Mondays are always long and boring, just like the movie.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. Imagine if we had two Mondays every week!
Monday is an awful way to spend one-seventh of your life.
What is the best way to describe Monday? Monday-ne!
The only thing worse than Friday the 13th is Monday the 13th. It’s a much spookier day.
I like Tuesday simply because it is the furthest from next Monday I can possibly be.
Monday isn’t that bad – just 48 hours ago it was a sadder-day!
A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday – those were the days!
God gave us Mondays to punish us for the things we did over the weekend.
I really need a day in-between Sunday and Monday. Make every weekend a three day weekend and Mondays won’t seem so bad.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, I blinked and now it’s Monday, again.
Knock Knock Monday Jokes
Are you still seeking for more amusing jokes for Monday? Sometimes the only method to get through anything is to crack a joke about it. We’ve got some Monday knock knock jokes specifically for you.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Toothy.
Toothy who?
Toothy the day after Monday.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Monday.
Go Away!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Heymon.
Heymon who?
Heymonday is here already!
Monday Jokes for Work
Is Monday your least favorite day of the week? Well, we have compiled these funny Monday jokes for work for you to enjoy! Share these Monday morning jokes for work with your colleagues and enjoy a laugh you so desperately need.
What do you call Mondays without any Zoom meetings?
Meetless Mondays.
You know how to get your weekly return to work started with a bang? With a battle! Let’s grab some foam weapons and have a playful office brawl.
Boss: “Can you work this weekend?”
Me: “Yeah no worries but I’ll probably be a bit late as public transport is slow on weekends.”
Boss: “What time will you get here?”
Me: “Monday.”
I always give 100% at work.
14% on Monday.
30% on Tuesday.
30% on Wednesday.
24% on Thursday.
2% on Friday.
I’ve been keeping this a secret for almost a year now because I didn’t want to lose friends
-I don’t work on Mondays.
That obnoxious moment when your boss calls you early on a Monday asking where you’re at.
I can honestly say that I am likely to resemble a sloth when I crawl out of bed on Monday morning!
It’s Monday . . . back to work. I hate this moment. Let me sleep a little more.
For everyone in the working world today: It’s a Tuesday… which is like a Monday but with steel-toed boots and a slightly lower aim.
Work is usually easy, but once in a while it gives me a run for my Monday.
Hello, Monday! I don’t really hate you. Anyway, why should I, huh? It’s just that I feel uneasy when I hear that you are around.
What does the executioner say on Monday mornings?
“Time to beheaded to work.”
If I was elected president, the first thing I would do would be to eliminate all Mondays and lengthen the weekend one more day.
I’m pretty sure that it’s a universal truth that everybody hates office work after having the weekend off.
Cyber Monday – finally a reason to legitimately feel appear focused at work.
Monday Jokes for Adults
Adults have a very low threshold for working on Mondays since they have to work all day long. And in doing so, their lives become hell. If you find yourself in the same situation, here are some Monday jokes for adults that you may enjoy.
I hope that Cyber Monday extends to the deep web.
Because I’m going to need to a discount on a new liver after all of that Thanksgiving drinking!
I’m financially set for life… providing I die next Monday.
Good morning. Keep calm and pretend it’s not Monday.
Good Friday is the day Jesus died.
Easter Sunday is the day Jesus rose from the dead.
And Cyber Monday is the day Jesus ascended into the cloud.
What did the calendar maker do after he created an entry for Monday?
He called it a day!
Why do fishermen catch barramundi on a Monday?
Because if they caught it a day later, they would have to call it barratuesdi.
Just once I want to wake up on Monday morning, turn on the news, and hear: “Monday’s been canceled go back to bed.”
Did you hear about the group of restless Cyber Monday TVs?
They were ADHD.
Q: What does Sonic need a lot of on Mondays?
A: Hedge-hugs.
I hope your Black Friday injuries aren’t so severe you can’t click a mouse on Cyber Monday.
What is large on Sunday and Saturday, small on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, and disappears on Monday?
The letter S.
What comes after Cyber Monday?
Buyer’s Remorse Tuesday and Hiding From Your Creditors Wednesday.
Guess who is so excited that today is Monday?
That’s right! Not me!
Monday Jokes for Kids
Monday jokes for kids are a terrific method to introduce your kids to wordplay while also eliciting immediate amusement. Here are a few of them for you to share with your children.
Q: How do hens feel on Mondays?
A: Eggshausted.
Q: Why does Santa hand out candy canes on Mondays?
A: For encourage-mint.
Q: What do kids do on Mondays during vacation?
A: The same thing they do every other day!
Q: What’s the most annoying thing for NFL players starting the week?
A: Monday morning quarterbacks…
Q: During the school year, what’s the number one thing kids wish for on Sunday night?
A: A foot of snow by morning…
Q: What’s the most depressing sound on Monday?
A: Alarm clocks!
Q: Which day of the week are demons most tired?
A: De-Monday, just like everyone else.
Q: Why was the acid so rude on Monday?
A: He was a-mean-o-acid…
Monday Jokes for Students
These Monday jokes for students are ideal for any student who needs a pick-me-up at the beginning of the week, whether it’s a drizzly Monday morning on a school day or the weary conclusion of a Monday during the summertime.
What’s the number one thing schoolchildren wish for on Sundays?
A foot of snow by Monday.
Why was the M&M excited to get to school on Monday?
He wanted to be a Smartie!
Q: What did the teacher say to her aardvark student when he walked into class on Monday morning?
A: Why the long face?
Why was the broom late for school on Monday?
He over-swept!
Q: Why did the cat stay home from school on Monday?
A: He wasn’t feline well.
Why was the pirate excited for school on Monday?
He had arrrrt class!
Why did the zombie have to stay at home from school on Monday?
He was feeling rotten!
Why did the magicians in class get the best mark on their test on Monday?
They got all of the trick questions right!
Why did the robot have some trouble focusing at school on Monday?
He was a little rusty!
Why couldn’t the ghost leave school on Monday?
He was the school spirit.
Final Thoughts on Monday Jokes
Monday is a day that everyone dreads. The weekend has come to a close, and it’s time to head back to work. If you’re experiencing a rough Monday, try these amusing Monday jokes.
Our objective is to offer you with the majority of the goofy comedy so you can start your week off correctly. Please share these Monday jokes with your friends so they may laugh as well! Monday isn’t just ordinary day; it’s the day many people return to work following a weekend off.
There are those who return to work rejuvenated, well rested, and ready for the day, and those who straggle in fatigued and recuperating from a long weekend; the variances provide grist for a number of funny Monday jokes.
These Monday jokes, puzzles, and gags are ideal for parents, educators, cab drivers, colleagues, and children of all ages. Mondays aren’t always amusing, but Monday morning jokes are.
