161 Hilarious History Jokes for Teachers and Students
It’s time for some history jokes! It’s been said by Winston Churchill that “the further back you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see.”
With this spirit in mind, we set out to investigate the past using not just our wits but also our scholastic expertise.
Professionals have long recognized the value of humor in the classroom as a tool for engaging students and helping them retain what they’ve learned.
Whether you’re a history professor hoping to inject some humor into the classroom or a student looking for a break from the books, you’re in for a treat with these amusing jokes about history.
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Table of Contents
Best History Jokes
In this article, we will examine some of the best and most memorable historical jokes ever told, so get ready to laugh your way through history.
Why did Columbus cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
How does Moses create his tea?
Hebrews it.
Why did Captain Cook sail to Australia?
It was too far to swim.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
Who led the Australians into the Promised Land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
1 Where did Montezuma go to college?
AZ Tech.
What do Nazis eat for breakfast?
Luftwaffe’s.
Why didn’t the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
What did Noah do for a job?
He was an architect.
Why did people hate Ho Chi Minh?
He was hanoiing.
Civil War Jokes?
I General Lee don’t find them funny.
What was the most popular dance in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
Funny History Jokes
Take a trip down memory lane with these hilarious historical jokes. These humorous tales are sure to put a spring in your step, no matter what era you’re in.
What is the most fruitful subject at school?
History, because it’s full of dates!
What causes history to repeat itself?
Because we were not listening the first time round!
How do early European settlers in America and ants have anything in common?
They both lived in colonies!
Fractions were invented by whom?
Henry the 1/8th!
As a planning proposal for a parking lot was submitted, what did Richard III say?
“Over my dead body.”
What made Karl Marx dislike Early Grey tea?
Because proper tea is theft.
Kermit the Frog and Alexander the Great have what in common?
The same middle name!
What happened at the Boston Tea Party?
I don’t know, I wasn’t invited!
How did Louis XIV feel after finishing the Palace of Versailles?
Baroque.
What caused George Washington to have trouble sleeping?
Because he couldn’t lie.
Where is an Ancient Egyptian’s favourite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
What was the reason for the Vikings sailing to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
In Great Britain, where are kings and queens crowned?
On the head!
What made the king stand one foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What is a snake’s favourite subject in school?
Hissssstory.
What is the most ground-breaking invention in human history?
The shovel.
Who were the greenest presidents in US history?
The Bushes.
Why do history teachers like fruit cakes?
It’s full of dates.
Who built the ark?
I have Noah idea!
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What did the Continental Army call their cartoonist?
Yankee doodler!
Hilarious History Jokes
Discover the history in a way that will make you laugh out loud as we weave together satire and real-life events.
What made WWI happen so quickly?
Because they were Russian.
What made the Dark Ages the darkest period of history?
Because there were so many knights.
Who crafted King Arthur’s round table?
Sir-Cumference.
Why did Julius Caesar need crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What famous Roman had hay fever?
Julius Sneezer.
What type of potato can be found in the Roman Coliseum?
Gladiator-tater!
Which mouse was an Emperor of Rome?
Julius Cheeser!
Pharaohs are always boasting, so why is that?
He is a sphinx. He’s the best!
What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
Plymouth Rock!
Why was the Pharoah boastful?
Because he Sphinx he’s the best.
Two wrongs don’t make a right.
But two Wrights did make an airplane!
What did King George think of the American colonies?
He thought they were revolting.
Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up too!
How are the first Americans like ants?
They both live in colonies.
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked.
How did the Vikings send secret messages?
By Norse code.
Short History Jokes
In the realm of comedy, brevity is the soul of wit, and these short history jokes prove just that. These concise and snappy jokes will have you laughing in no time.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors!
What’s a mummy’s favorite type of music?
Wrap!
Did you hear the joke about the Liberty Bell?
It cracked me up.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
What was Camelot?
A place to park camels.
Alexander did not like eating chicken legs
because he hated defeat.
What was written on a knight’s headstone?
Rust in peace!
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphic!
Where would you find Hadrian’s Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
How do you to play War of 1812?
You burn down a White House.
Who was the world’s first carpenter?
Eve, because she made Adams banana stand
History Jokes One Liners
With these history jokes in one-liner format, you should brace yourself for a rapid-fire bombardment of comedy.
A Roman walks into a cafe makes an ‘X’ with his fingers, and says, “Ten teas, please!”
When Napoleon died in the explosion,
he was blown-apart-e.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
The early ages in history are called the Dark Ages because there were too many knights.
If someone else would have invented the airplane,
it wouldn’t have been Wright.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta,
he replied, “Sher-man!”
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
A salad that requires to be eaten with 23 knives is called a Caesar salad.
Karl Marx dislikes EarlGrey Tea because proper-tea is theft.
“Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.”
There are countless marble-lous statues in Greece,
but we always take them for Granite.
I wouldn’t say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40.
It was non-friction.
“Now is the winter of our discontent/ made glorious summer by this son of York”
The type of lighting that Noah had used in his ark was Floodlights.
The Cyclops Episode in Homer’s Odyssey
History Jokes for School
These jokes will delight and educate in equal measure, whether you’re a teacher hoping to get your pupils interested in the material, or a student looking for a break from the books.
What is the fruitiest subject at school?
History, because it is full of dates.
How did the teacher know that the student is not good in history class?
The student said, “My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles’ elbow.”
What did a patriot put on his dry skin?
Revo-lotion.
What’s red, white, blue, and green?
A patriotic pickle.
Why the history degree was deemed useless?
Because there’s no future in it.
Who’s the most famous Jewish cook in history?
Hitler.
What has four legs, a shiny nose, and fought for England?
Rudolph the Redcoat Reindeer.
Why aren’t you doing well in history class at school?
Because the history teacher keeps on asking me about things that happened years before I was born.
Why did the boy wish to be born a thousand years ago?
To not learn about all the history from then.
What would you get if you crossed a monster with a redcoat?
A bigger target.
Why does history keep repeating itself?
Because the kids were not listening the first time around.
Nate: Why was school easier for cave people? Kate: Why?
Nate: Because there was no history to study!
Student #1: I wish I were born a thousand years ago.
Student #2: Why do you wish that?
Student #1: Think of all the history I would not have had to learn about!
What do history teachers talk about at parties?
The good old days!
Parent: How did you do on your latest report card?
Child: I did what Winston Churchill did.
Parent: What’s that?
Child: I went down in history.
Dirty History Jokes
These jokes unearth the seedier side of historical personalities, delving deep into the shadows. These spicy history jokes are sure to elicit some hearty belly laughs and a dash of irreverence.
I like my porn just how I like my search history
Disabled.
For a brief moment in history, people would listen to Bryan Adams and mutually perform oral sex.
It was summer of 69s.
Why did the gastroenterologist delete his browser history?
He was into weird shit.
The Hindenburg is the greatest feat of aeronautical engineering in all of human history
Edit: Holy shit this blew up
Who was the greatest prostitute in history?
Ms. Pacman. For 25 cents she swallowed balls until she died.
My high school history teacher once gave me detention for inappropriate language.
All I did was call Oedipus a motherfucker.
March is women’s history month.
It’s also bleeding disorder awareness month, and I think that’s kinda fucked up.
Maritime History Professor: So, what do you think is the most important sea in Europe?
Student: Undoubtedly the one in Amsterdam Canal Experience.
Some parents find their teenager’s browser history
It’s full of S&M porn.
Mom says: well what are we going to do?
Dad says: what do you mean?
Mom says: well. We can’t *spank* him.
My new doctor asked me if there was a history of stroke in my family and I told him no.
However, I told him that my wife’s family were all a bunch of wankers.
History Jokes for Adults
Leave the seriousness of adulthood behind and indulge in some grown-up humor with these history jokes catered specifically to an adult audience.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the pee is silent.
Why did the Native Americans hunt bear?
They didn’t – they wore clothes.
What did the pharaoh say when he saw the pyramid?
“Mummy’s home!”
Where do young Vikings hang out?
In the Norsery.
What did Mason say to Dixon?
We’ve got to draw the line here!
What was the most popular kids’ movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rock star!
What do you call a medieval knight who’s always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What was Camelot famous for?
It’s knight life.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington’s army?
Laugh-ayette!
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
What was the world’s first palindrome?
Madam, I’m Adam.
What’s the moral of the story about Jonah and the whale?
You can’t keep a good man down.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So he couldn’t be cornered.
History Jokes for Kids
History can be fun for all ages, and these jokes are perfect for young minds hungry for laughter and knowledge.
Why did Renoir become an Impressionist?
He did it for the Monet.
How were the first Americans like ants?
They also lived in colonies.
What was the greatest achievement of the early Romans?
Learning how to speak Latin.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
It can’t sit down.
Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America?
On their feet.
What kind of lights did Noah use on the ark?
Flood lights.
What’s purple and about 5000 miles long?
The grape wall of China.
Why didn’t Cleopatra go to the psychiatrist?
She was the Queen of Denial!
Why is history class so hard?
Because the teacher asks about things that happened before you were born.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What was the Declaration of Independence signed in?
Ink.
What did colonists wear at the Boston Tea Party?
T-Shirts.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want?
Liberty.
Why didn’t Socrates like old French fries?
Because they were made in ancient Greece.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
Let’s rule Toga-ether!
History Jokes and Puns
Buckle up for a pun-tastic journey through time as we present these cleverly crafted history jokes and puns.Let’s dive into it!
The English Pilgrims’ favorite type of flower is the May Flower.
What do you call George Washington when he breaks wind?
Father of Our Country.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, “You’re just going to lose it.”
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
In a fallen knight’s grave, the epitaph usually reads “Rust in Peace.”
Who was the biggest thief in history?
Atlas. He held up the whole world.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked silly in a Parka.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in ‘Battleship,’ he said, “A2 Brute?”
Why did the Ancient Greeks make pottery?
It was a good way to urn money.
There are countless marble-lous statues in Greece, but we always take them for Granite.
Entire Russian history in five words.
Russian history in five words: “And then things got worse.”
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, “Sher-man!”
Why did the mummy go for a relaxing spa and massage?
He was all wound up.
Final Thoughts
As we bring this laughter-filled journey through history to a close, we hope that these history jokes have brought joy, laughter, and a newfound appreciation for the past.
History can sometimes be seen as a serious subject, but humor has the power to make it engaging, relatable, and memorable.
We encourage you to share your favorite jokes about history, add your own puns, and engage in the comments section below.
Let’s keep the laughter alive and continue to find humor in the annals of time!
