140 Hilarious Golf Jokes to Keep Your Golfing Buddies Entertained

Golf jokes may help you communicate with new players in your foursome or keep you interested while playing a game of golf with longtime buddies.

There are many different types of people that like golf, yet the game may be difficult at times. ‎

Telling golf jokes throughout your next game will help you relax and improve your thinking. Golf is much more than just hitting a hole in one. It teaches you to be honest, to go with the flow, to focus, to solve problems, and to be patient. ‎

A polo shirt with khaki slacks can also be used for a variety of occasions. Furthermore, how many sports allow you to freely roam a field packed with vegetation and gorgeous ponds?

If you’re attempting to get your kids interested in golf, giving them these funny golf jokes could help. So let’s get started. ‎

Best Golf Jokes

When it comes to terrific golf on magnificent courses, it is not a joke. But what good is a game of golf if there’s nothing to laugh about? Here are some of the best golf jokes that will help you enjoy.

Golf’s a hard game to figure. One day you’ll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps, and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.

Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won’t work… and both are expensive.

Two golfers are ready to play on the 11th tee as a funeral cortege passes by. The first player stops, doffs his cap, and bows his head as the cortege passes.
“That was a really nice thing to do,” the second golfer says. “It’s good to see there is still some respect in the world.” “Well, it’s only right,” the first golfer replies. “I was married to her for 35 years.”

What should NASA do if it wants to explore water on Mars?
Send a golfer there to hit a golf ball.

Why do golfers always carry a spare pair of trousers with them?
In case they get a hole in one.

Why do golf announcers whisper?
Because they don’t want to wake up the people watching.

Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing.

Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.

Golfer: “I think I will go drown myself in that lake.”
Caddy: “I don’t think you are able to keep your head down long enough.”

A fellow caddy and I recently helped two aged Germans around our course. Failing yet again to get the ball in the air the worst golfer of the pair exclaimed, “I suppose you have never seen any player worse than me?” My friend the caddy replied, “There are plenty worse than you sir but they all quit playing years ago.”

What is a golfer’s favorite bird?
Any birdie will do.

If you do find that you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here’s a valuable tip: Your life is in trouble.

Noting that her husband looked more haggard and disgruntled than usual after his weekly golf game, his wife asked what was wrong.
He answered, “Well, on the 4th hole, Harry had a heart attack and died. It was terrible! The entire rest of the day, it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry!”

Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night?
Clubbing.

I’m so bad at golf that I have to get my ball retriever regripped more often than my clubs.

An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice … once before swinging, and once again, after swinging.

What is the difference between a golfer and a fisherman?
When a golfer lies, he doesn’t have to bring anything home to prove it.

Funny Golf Jokes

If you’re searching for some funny golf jokes, here are a few to tell the next time you’re out on the course. Have a good time! ‎

There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly… or start cheating.

What did the sign above the golf club bar say?
“Don’t drink and drive. Don’t even putt.”

In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers… they shoot a “six”, yell “fore” and write “five”.

Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh.

The man who takes up golf to get his mind off his work soon takes up work to get his mind off golf.

“You’re late on the tee, John.”
“Yes, well being a Sunday, I had to toss a coin to see if I should go to church or go and play golf.” “Okay, but why are you so late?” “I had to toss it 15 times!”

Golf is a lot like taxes… you go for the green and come out in the hole.

What do you call a wizard that can turn himself into a golf club?
Harry Putter.

MacDermott and MacDuff were sitting in the clubhouse on a raw, blustery day, thawing their beards in front of the fireplace while freezing rain beat against the windows. The pair were silent for a long time over their whiskeys. Finally, MacDermott spoke, “That was quite a round of golf.”
“Aye,” MacDuff replied. “Same time next Saturday?” “Aye,” said MacDuff, “weather permitting.”

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.

A golfer standing at a tee overlooking a river sees a couple of fishermen and says to his partner, “Look at those two idiots fishing in the rain.”

Golf balls are like eggs.
They’re white. Sold by the dozen. And a week later you have to buy some more.

Hear the one about the bad-tempered golfer who bought a new set of TaylorMade R7 clubs? After playing with them for a couple of rounds he returned to his pro shop and told the pro, “These were the best clubs I have ever played with. In fact, I can throw these clubs 40-yards further than my old ones!”

Where can you find 100 doctors all at the same place on any given day?
A golf course

After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th.
He looked at his caddie and said, “I’ve played so badly all day, I think I’m going to drown myself in that lake.” The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, “I’m not sure you could keep your head down that long.”

Knock Knock Golf Jokes

As with other sports, there is a plethora of jokes available for you to unleash on your golfing buddies the next time you are at the club. Here are some knock knock golf jokes for you.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke, the tee went further than your ball did.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Ben.
Ben who?
Ben waiting for you to hit a drive straight.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Andy.
Andy who?
Andy to ave a water golf ball retriever for the round with you!

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Noah.
Noah who?
Noah golf pro who can fix your swing?

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Adam.
Adam who?
Adam just took your golf ball – you should have hit it straight.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Wanda.
Wanda who?
Wanda how deep your ball is in the lake.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Ida.
Ida who?
Ida know what your score is for the hole. I stopped counting at 10.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Annie body seen your golf ball – I lost it when it landed in the lake.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
I’d cry too if I played golf like you.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Tahiti.
Tahiti who?
Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Ida
Ida who?
Ida like to see you out drive me on this hole.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up and hit your shot.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Harvey.
Harvey who?
Harvey gonna take 6 hours for this round – take your shot!

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Les.
Les who?
Les go and have a round of golf.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Adolph.
Adolph who?
Adolph ball knocked teef out of my mouf – and dats why I talk like dis.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Wendy.
Wendy who?
Wendy ball retriever needs a new grip, you should give up golf.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Fred.
Fred who?
Fred you’re not going to find that ball in the woods.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry you so bad at golf.

Good Golf Jokes

Do you want to hear some good golf jokes? These funny golf jokes can liven things up. These jokes will make your partner laugh. That, I am confident, will brighten your day!

Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot, rarely make the perfect shot.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.

Why does the golf pro tell you to keep your head down during lessons?
So you can’t see them laughing.

A friend of Henry’s dies suddenly. A week later, he comes back to tell his friend how great Heaven is.

What are the primary components of a golfer’s diet?
A lot of greens and water.

“Henry,” he says, “you won’t believe it, but there is golf in Heaven.” “That is wonderful!” Henry replies. “Don’t be so thrilled,” his friend tells him. “You have a tee-off time scheduled for Saturday.”

Did you hear about the two guys that met on the golf course?
It was the beginning of a beautiful friend-chip.

I’m not really that bad at putting, I just can’t catch a break.

Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.

To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.

Golf Jokes One Liners

Golf is a fun and thrilling sport, but these golf jokes one liners will make it much more entertaining. So, what are you holding out for? Check them out right now!

Golf is what you play when you’re too out of shape to play baseball.‎

If you golf on election day, make sure to cast an absent-tee-ballot.

Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken.

The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often.

What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?
The Bogeyman.

It takes a serious amount of balls to golf like I do.

Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments.

Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.

The only thing that causes more cheating than golf is income taxes.

I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer!

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.

Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five.

The best wood in most golfer’s bags is the pencil.

Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early.

Golf: A 5-mile walk punctuated with disappointments.

Dirty Golf Jokes

Have you ever noticed that life appears to get a little too serious? Whether it’s work stress, career issues, or a worldwide epidemic, somebody is constantly attempting to take your joy! Well, share some dirty golf jokes with your mates and have fun. Here are some bad golf jokes for you.

What do you call a blonde at a golf course?
The 19th hole.

How do you “Tiger” proof a golf course?
By strategically placing fire hydrants.

Do you know why the game is called golf?
Because all the other four letter words were taken.

If you think it’s hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the course sometime.

Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case he gets a hole in one.

What is the difference between golf and sex?
A bad hole won’t get you a slap across the face when you play golf.

How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife?
He always puts his driver in the wrong bag.

What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough?
Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball.

What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation?
You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will happen again!

What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer?
Everyday I’m Schauffele.

What’s the difference between a golf ball and a Nissan?
A golf ball can be driven 300 yards.

Why are golf and sex so similar?
They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them.

What do you getll a blonde at the driving range?
Lift your head and spread your legs.

Where is the best place to go on vacation?
In the Golf of Mexico!

Short Golf Jokes

Everyone enjoys a good golf joke, whether they are watching or playing the game, which is why we have compiled a list of short golf jokes for you and your friends to enjoy! Please share these humor golf jokes with your pals. ‎

What’s the easiest shot in golf?
Your fourth putt.

How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Fore.

Why didn’t the golfer get his homework done?
He was puttering around.

What do you call a really friendly golfer?
A social putterfly.

Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.

What do golfers do on their days off?
Putter around.

Where do ghouls and ghosts play their golf?
On a golf corpse.

What is a golfer’s favorite dance move?
The Bogey.

When is it too wet to play golf?
When your golf cart capsizes.

What are a golfer’s favorite flowers?
Fore-get Me Nots.

Funniest Golf Jokes

A nice joke may sometimes lift one’s spirits. Well, I’m sure these long golf jokes will have you rolling on the floor laughing! ‎

There’s no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies

Golfing is the idlest sport…
Can you imagine just kicking a white ball around all day long?

A “gimme” can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers…neither of whom can putt very well.

What’s the difference between a rock climber and a golfer?
A golfer goes: whack! “Shit!” A climber goes: “Shit!” whack!

What did Obi-Wan say to Luke Skywalker before he went out for his round of golf?
“May the fores be with you, Luke.”

Why was Cinderella such a terrible golfer?
Her coach was a pumpkin.

Why didn’t the golfer say anything before he hit the ball off the tee?
He was at a loss fore words.

An American went to Scotland and played golf with a newly acquainted Scottish golfer. After a bad tee shot, he played a “Mulligan” which was an extremely good one. He then asked the Scottish, “What do you call a Mulligan in Scotland?”
“We call it 3.”

Practice Tee: A place where golfers go to convert a nasty hook into a wicked slice.

Golfer: I would move both heaven and earth to get a birdie today.
Caddie: Try heaven. You’ve moved most of the earth already today.

James was playing a round of golf with the club pro one day and after 18 holes they went into the clubhouse. James asked the pro: “What do you think of my game?”
The pro replied: “You should shorten your clubs by 1 inch.” James asked if the pro thought this would help his game. To which the pro said, “No! It will help them fit in the trash can!”

Q: Are you a scratch golfer?
A: Yes I sure am, after each shot I scratch my head and wonder where my ball went.

Golf Jokes for Ladies

Ladies love to play golf as well, and that this why we have designated this section to them. Here are some golf jokes for ladies that they may use to have some fun.

Wife: You spend far too much time concentrating on golf! Do you even remember the day we got engaged?
Husband: Sure I do. It was the same day I shot even par.

Women are clever golfers, they shout fore, shoot seven and score three.

Which actress is incredible at golf?
Minnie Driver.

What does a golfer like to hear from his wife?
“Talk birdie to me.”

Husband: “Of course not.”
Wife: “I think you would.”
Husband: “Fine, I probably will.”
Wife: “Will you let her sleep in our bed?”
Husband: “Yeah, probably, I guess.”
Wife: “Would you even let her use my golf clubs?”
Husband: “No way, she is left-handed.”

A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, “Well, you said I had to choose, right?”

A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, “Well, you said I had to choose, right?”

How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer?
He’s the one getting his balls cleaned.

A man walks through the front door of his home, clearly exasperated.
“I had a terrible round today,” he told his wife. “Oh, no! What happened, honey?” she replied. “Well,” he said, “I only hit two good balls — and that was when I stepped on a rake.”

How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course?
She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he’s handicapped when he meets a blond working at one.

What’s the difference between looking for a lost golf ball and Lady Godiva?
Looking for a lost golf ball is a hunt on a course.

“You think so much of your old golf game that you don’t even remember when we were married,” said the pouting wife. “Of course I do, my dear — it was the day I sank that thirty-foot putt.

Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife?
Because he thought every day he needed to play around.

Lady goes to her doctor and says I got stung by a bee while golfing!
Doc says were did it sting you?
Lady says between the 1st and 2nd holes.
Docs says wow you must have wide stance..

Golf Jokes for Adults

Many adults like playing golf and making golf-related jokes. As a result, we’ve blended it all and collected these golf jokes for adults that I’m sure you’ll like. ‎

A schoolteacher was taking her first golf lesson. “Is the word spelled p-u-t or p-u-t-t?” she asked the instructor. “P-u-t-t is correct,” he replied. “Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing.”

What should you do if your round of golf is interrupted by a lightning storm?
Walk around holding your 1-iron above your head, because even Mother Nature can’t hit a 1-iron.

What did the duck say to the golf ball?
Nothing it should have ducked.

What did the golfer say after performing yoga?
Damn, my shaft is all bent.

Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve.

What did the driver yell at the golf cart that cut him off?
Kiss my putt.

Golf is harder than baseball, in golf you have to play your foul balls.

Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores?
Because subtraction speaks louder than words.

“Do you play off scratch?” said one player.
The other replied: “I sure am. Every time I hit the ball I scratch my head and wonder where it went.”

After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said, “I’ve been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what’s a rider?”
The pro said, “A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to actually get in the golf cart and ride to it.”

Which is the easiest golf stroke? The fourth putt!

A hacker was playing so badly that his caddie was getting increasingly exasperated. On the 11th, his ball lay about 160 yards from the green and as he eyed up the shot, he asked his caddie, “Do you think I can get there with a 4-iron?”
“Eventually,” replied the caddie, wearily.

Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players!

One day a player asked his coach: “What is going wrong with my game?”
“You’re standing too close to the ball after you’ve hit it.”

Final Thoughts on Golf Jokes

Golf is one of the world’s most social sports. It’s a game that everyone of any age may enjoy, with thousands of golfers participating and having a good time every year. ‎

Golf may not include as much action as football or hockey, but it can be just as exhilarating and amusing. The only thing golfers enjoy more than the game itself are these amusing golf jokes. ‎

These memorable funny golf jokes, puns, and one-liners will have you giggling on the course between putts and will help you forget about a lousy round.

The greatest part is that if no one chuckles at your golf jokes, you may call a mulligan and try anything else on the list! ‎

Golf courses are a great area to spend time with family and friends. Of course, when you can’t hit the ball straight, golf may be difficult. When you’re frustrated, the best thing to do is make a joke about it. This is why I’m sharing these golf ball jokes with you.