170 Hilarious Chemistry Jokes for All Science-Lovers
Here is a selection of chemistry jokes that is sure to make you laugh and spark your curiosity, so please enjoy.
The complex and fascinating field of chemistry is perhaps the best example of this.
The study of chemistry has long attracted academics and stoked their curiosity, from the storied libraries of prestigious institutions to ground-breaking experiments and revolutionary theories.
The lighter side of the periodic table and the scientific marvels it represents are about to be revealed, so come along with me on this adventure where elements, compounds, and reactions collide with fun and wit.
Let’s explore these jokes about chemistry!
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Table of Contents
Best Chemistry Jokes
Here comes the best of chemical humor for your perusal. These jokes are a potent mix of humor and intelligence, hand-picked from the wide scientific canon.
How did the chemist survive the famine?
By subsisting on titrations.
What is the chemical formula for diarrhea?
(CO (NH2)2)
Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?
To reduce his carbon footprint.
What did the chemist say when he found two new isotopes of Helium?
He He.
What should you do if no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?
Keep telling them until you get a reaction.
Who’s the most famous spy chemist?
Hydrogen Bond.
What do you do with an element seeds?
Barium.
What are Iron Man and Silver Surfer called when they team up?
Alloys.
What is the atomic symbol for confusion?
Um.
Why are chemists so good at solving problems?
They have all the solutions.
What happened when NA jumped CL?
It was a salt.
Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
They bonded well from the minute they met
What happens to nitrogen every morning?
It becomes day-trogon.
What is a chemist’s favorite holiday song?
Oh, Chemist-TREE!
That was sodium funny. I slapped my neon that one.
How did the Arsenals become a strong club in the English Premier League? Because they are bronzed with arsenic.
What do you get when you mix helium with steel?
Flying cars.
Funny Chemistry Jokes
Laughter is the best catalyst, and these jokes are here to catalyze your sense of humor! So gear up!
If Iron Man and Silver Surfer teamed up, they’d be alloys.
What do you call iron blowing in the breeze?
Febreeze!
What did one charged atom say to the other?
I got my ion you!
What element derives from a Norse god?
Thorium.
I’m out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Are you made of copper and tellurium?
Because you’re Cute.
Chemistry is like cooking. Just don’t lick the cutlery.
Oh no! I’ve lost my electron. Oh no! Are you positive?
I am female. Fe = Iron and Male = man. Therefore, I am Iron Man.
What is the name of 007’s Eskimo cousin?
Polar Bond.
What do you call a wheel made of iron?
A ferrous wheel.
What kind of dogs do chemists have?
Laboratory Retrievers.
What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?
2. Na.
If H20 is water, what is H204?
Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
Titanium is a most amorous metal. When it gets hot, it’ll combine with anything.
What did one titration say to the other?
“Let’s meet at the endpoint.”
What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?
Breaking up is hard to do.
Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.
What is “hijklmno”?
H2O.
When one physicist asks another, “What’s new?” what’s the typical response?
Cover lambda.
What happens when spectroscopists are idle?
They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
He was booked for a salt and battery
Hilarious Chemistry Jokes
These jokes are guaranteed to have you rolling on the floor with laughter, regardless of whether you are an experienced chemist or just someone who has an admiration for the scientific world.
Two chemists walk into a bar. One tells the bartender, “I’ll have an H2O.” The other says, “I’ll have an H2O too!” The second chemist dies.
Why did the attacking army use acid?
To neutralize the enemy’s base!
What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium!
Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walk into a bar. “OH SNaP!” says the bartender.
Old chemists never die. They just stop reacting!
A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?”
The bartender gives him a smile and says, “For you, no charge.”
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They’re cheaper than day rates!
Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just couldn’t put it down!
Why can you never trust atoms?
They make up everything!
Why does a hamburger have less energy than steak?
Because it’s in the ground state!
What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
“You may have graduated, but I’ve got many degrees.”
Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
Because it was polar!
Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he left the singles bar? Because he got Avogadro’s number!
Two atoms are walking down the street. One atom says to the other, “Hey! I think I lost an electron!” The other asks, “Are you sure?” “Yes, I’m positive!”
What happens when you lower your body temperature to -273°C? Nothing, you’re perfectly 0K!
How did the hipster chemist burn his hand on the beaker?
He picked it up before it was cool.
Carbon and hydrogen went on a date. I heard they really bonded.
I want to write some jokes about the periodic table… But I don’t think I’ll be in my element.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A one molar solution!
What was Avogadro’s favorite sport?
Golf! He always got a mole-in-one!
Flirty Chemistry Jokes
Love is in the air, and so is chemistry! These flirty chemistry jokes will ignite sparks of laughter and charm your scientific crush.
Do you have 11 protons?
Because you’re sodium fine.
Are you a carbon sample?
Because I want to date you.
You must be made of uranium and iodine because all I can see is U and I together.
I wish I was adenine so I could get paired with U.
My name?
It’s Bond. Covalent Bond.
Are you sure we haven’t had a class together before?
I could have sworn that we had chemistry together.
If I was an enzyme, I’d be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.
You’re like an exothermic reaction. You spread hotness everywhere.
Are you made of Fluorine, Iodine, and Neon?
Because you are F-I-Ne.
If I had a choice between DNA and RNA, I’d choose RNA because it has U in it.
Hey baby, I’ve got my ion you!
According to the Second Law of Thermodynamics, you are supposed to share your hotness with me.
Even the Kelvin scale could not possibly measure how hot I think you are.
You must be a compound of barium and beryllium because you’re a total BaBe.
You’re hotter than a Bunsen burner turned up all the way.
Hey baby, would a little more alcohol catalyze this reaction?
Your body must be made of oxygen and neon because you are the ONe.
You must be chlorine because you are polarizing my bond.
Clean Chemistry Jokes
In this pristine realm of chemistry humor, you’ll find jokes that are pure and free from any impurities. Let’s get into it!
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
HeHe.
What did silver say to gold at the bar?
Au, get outta here.
Why is the world so diverse?
It’s made up of alkynes of people.
What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A-mean-o Acid.
What’s the difference between chemistry jokes and physics jokes? Chemistry jokes can be funny periodically, but physics jokes have more potential.
Did you hear the one about cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
It was Corny.
How did the hipster chemist burn his hand?
He picked up his beaker before it was cool.
Why are chemists great for solving problems?
Because they always have a solution.
What is the chemical formula for coffee?
CoFe2.
Want to hear a Potassium joke?
K.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They’re cheaper than day rates.
What is the chemical formula for a banana?
BaNa2
Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
It went OK.
Do you have any sodium hypobomite?
NaBrO.
Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together?
OMG.
How often should you tell a chemistry joke?
Periodically.
What is Cole’s Law?
Thinly sliced cabbage.
Dirty Chemistry Jokes
Hold on tight as we venture into the saucier side of chemistry humor! These dirty chemistry jokes are for those who enjoy a touch of spice and innuendo with their scientific humor.
I really need some SEX right now. No, really, I need some sodium ethyl xanthenes for my chemistry project.
Yo profile pic is so ugly, not even Fluorine would bond with you.
What is a chemist’s favorite kind of tree?
A chemistree.
What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties?
Methylated spirits.
Why should you go drinking with neutrons?
Because wherever they go, there’s no charge!
If a mole of moles were digging a mole of holes, what would you see?
A mole of molasses.
As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up.
Anions aren’t negative, they’re just misunderstood.
What can you make with 6.023 x 1023 avocados?
Guacamole
What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon!
What show do cesium and iodine love to watch together?
CsI!
She: I’m done with you and your fucking chemistry jokes.
Me: Potassium.
This should be a standard response to chemistry jokes
Fluorine Uranium Carbon Potassium
Yttrium Oxygen Uranium
Arsenic Sulphur Tungsten Iodine Phosphorus Einsteinium
What did the Japanese chemistry teacher say when he mixed sodium and nitrogen?
NaNi???
A young couple was seeing a therapist.
The wife says, “We just don’t have history anymore.”
The husband interrupts, “Honey, don’t you mean chemistry?”
The wife says, “There you go, changing the subject!”
Chemistry Jokes for Students
Attention all aspiring young scientists! These jokes about chemistry were written specifically with you in mind. Let’s get into it.
What do you call a clown in jail?
A silicon.
Why are there so many bad science jokes?
All the good ones argon.
What do you do if your chemistry teacher is sick?
If you can’t Helium or Curium, you Barium.
What fruit contains barium and double sodium?
Banana.
Where did the chemist have his lunch?
On a periodic table.
Why did the chemist read the book on helium so fast?
He couldn’t put it down.
If H2O is the formula for water, then what is the formula for ice?
H2O cubed.
Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
Na.
Why do you go to jail for throwing sodium chloride at somebody?
It’s a salt.
Why did the hipster chemist get burned?
He touched the beaker before it was cool.
Where do chemistry students have to wash their dishes?
In the zinc.
Why couldn’t the student figure out the science problem?
It was a chemystery.
How can chemistry students stay positive?
By thinking like a proton.
Why did the student sprinkle iron around the smelly room?
The teacher told him to fe-breeze it.
Chemistry Jokes for Teachers
Hi, teachers! These jokes will not only keep your pupils laughing, but they will also help them develop a better understanding for science.
Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?
Science student: When my father sees my report card.
We would like to apologize for not adding more jokes… but we only update them…. periodically!
Don’t trust atoms… they make up everything.
H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
Drinking.
Why did no one in the king’s court laugh when the king farted?
Because noble gases don’t cause a reaction.
Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” — and he died.
What do you get when you complete chemistry class?
A graduated cylinder.
What did one mole say to the other?
We make great chemistry together.
What’s a chemistry teacher’s favorite college football team?
The Florida State Semi moles!
Helium walks into a bar, the bartender says “We don’t serve noble gasses in here.” Helium doesn’t react.
Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
He got Avogadro’s number!
What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium.
Why did Ron lose the election?
People thought his elect-Ron campaign was too negative.
Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president?
Because they didn’t want to elect Ron.
How did the student graduate at the top of his class with a major like chemistry?
I think he felt like he was finally in his element.
What does chemistry and figure skating have in common?
Elements.
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets?
Polly, Ethel and Ian.
Chemistry Jokes with Elements
Step into the atomic world and witness the hilarious interactions between elements! These jokes bring the periodic table to life with witty puns and humorous anecdotes.
What do the other elements say to hydrogen?
What a loner!
Why are helium, curium, and barium the three main medical elements?
If you can’t curium or helium, you barium!
If you were an element you’d be francium because you’re the most attractive.
Scientists have recently discovered a rare new element called Beautium. It looks like you are made of it.
What element is a girl’s future best friend?
Carbon.
What’s the dullest element?
Bohrium.
What is the most loyal element?
BROmine.
I can’t remember that element, but it’s on the tip of my tungsten.
For a chemist, the most important element is the element of surprise.
What are the elements of life?
Lithium and Iron = LiFe
Why are most plutonium elements upset when they turn 24000 years old?
They have a midlife crisis.
What do the other elements say about hydrogen?
“He’s such a loner!”
Which element comes from a Viking God?
Thorium
What did the element say when he won the lottery?
Bismuth be my lucky day.
What utensil can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron?
A KNiFe
Chemistry Jokes Periodic Table
These jokes are centered on the elements themselves, and make use of the elements’ symbols and characteristics to generate humorous lines that are both amusing and astute.
On periodic table H2O is water, and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide.
What is H2O4?
Drink.
Want to hear a joke about item 116 from periodic table?
Uh…
“No, I use distilled water”.
Want to hear a joke about potassium?
K vitamin, wait!
Want to tell you a joke about nitrogen monoxide from periodic table?
No.
A chemist never dies. He just stops reacting.
I want to tell so many jokes about chemistry, but I don’t have any reaction.
I tried writing jokes about the periodic table…but I realized I wasn’t quite in my element.
I tried writing jokes about the periodic table, but I realized I wasn’t quite in my element.
I want to write some jokes about the periodic table… But I don’t think I’ll be in my element.
How often does a chemist need coffee? They need caffeine periodically.
I like to hear chemistry puns, periodically.
I wish to apologize for not having more chemistry jokes, but I only add them periodically.
Final Thoughts
In conclusion, we have had a wonderful trip through the realm of chemistry jokes, from the top-notch and hilarious to the racy and wholesome, with something for everyone.
The two fields have danced together, reminding us that comedy is a language understood by people all over the world and beyond academic boundaries.
We wish these jokes about chemistry made you laugh and piqued your interest in science.
Feel free to leave a remark with your own chemical jokes or your favorite ones that you’ve heard.
