160 Hilarious Car Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud
If you’ve been looking for car jokes, you’ve come to the correct spot since we’ll present you with a variety of jokes about cars. Cars are a headache to acquire, expensive to fix, and continuously put you in risk.
People still adore them and talk about them frequently. In the spirit of their obsession with all things automotive, strap up for these amusing and funny car jokes, snappy puns, and one-liners that will make you laugh out loud.
A true guy, it is claimed, does not make fun of his car. But, because real guys do not use the internet, I seized the opportunity to share with you the most humorous car jokes and puns on the internet. There are jokes about every sort of car in there. So let’s get started.
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Table of Contents
Best Car Jokes
Do you have a horrible day? Do you wish to have fun and forget about your problems? Then you’ve arrived to the correct location! We’ve compiled a list of the best car jokes and puns that will make you laugh out loud!
What do you call a Ford Fiesta that ran out of gas?
A Ford Siesta.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.
If you were to ask me: “Where would be the worst place to commit a crime?”, I would say a multi-storey car park. Because if you think about it, it would be wrong on so many levels.
I always adjust the seat and mirrors when I drive my husband’s car so he doesn’t forget he’s married.
Who can drive all their customers away and still make money?
Taxi drivers.
Husband: “Honey, the neighbor is washing the car with his son again!”
Wife: “Poor kid! Go over there and tell him to use a sponge instead.
To People who say that depression hits hard.
The car begs to disagree.
What type of car does a chicken farmer drive?
A coupe.
I tried to get a smart car the other day but they sold out too fast. Why?
I guess I’m just a bit slow.
What did the tornado say to the car?
Want to go for a spin?
My boss came to the office today with a new Porsche.
Me: “What an amazing car”
My boss: “Absolutely! If you work really hard, and put lots of hours in and strive for excellence at all times, I should be able to get another one next year”.
How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat of the car?
Tell him it’s time to bark in the front seat!
What is the laziest part of a car?
The wheels, they are always tyre-d!
Why do robots like to sleep under cars?
Because they like to wake up oily!
Did you know Teslas don’t have that new car smell?
They have more of an Elon Musk.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, “Holy shit, you’re so drunk, you can’t even walk!”
The drunk says, “No shit, that’s why I took my car!”
Race car backwards is race car but if you turn race car sideways that’s how Paul walker go sent to God’s inbox.
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we’ve ever gotten to an accident site.”
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
What’s black and white and red all over?
The prisoner I just hit with my car.
I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out “So, I’m guessing you’re not happy?”.
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man’s wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: “I have good news and bad news.” The wife said: “What’s the good news? “We managed to save his arm.” “What’s the bad news?” “We couldn’t save the rest of him.”
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree.
He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
What’s worse than locking your keys in the car in front of an abortion clinic?
Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.
Funny Car Jokes
Cars are something that we all wish to own at some time in our lives because, well, why not? But, if that is not feasible for the time being, perhaps it is better if you settle in with these funny car jokes to brighten your day.
Why did I walk across the road?
To get hit by a car.
Why did the depressed kid cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support windows.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash?
He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
What’s another name for a used car salesman?
A car-deal-ologist!
What did the dinosaur say after he’d been in a car crash?
I’m so-saurus!
What car does Hitler drive?
A fuhrerri.
What happens when a dinosaur crashes their car?
There’s a Tyrannosaurus wreck!
What’s the difference between my car and a hooker?
I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
Why can’t Homosexuals get car insurance?
They’ve been rear ended too many times.
What’s got 4 wheels, does a barrel roll, and goes from green to red in seconds?
Kermit in a car crash.
Do you that the royal family like carnivals? Princess Diana was really fond of bumper cars.
Did you hear about Alicia’s car accident?
She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.
Americans be like: Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road.
England be like: Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road.
Russians after a car accident be like: Here in Russia, road is road.
What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look I’m about to change.
What’s the difference between stephen and a car?
A car loses oil, stephen loses the ability to walk.
What happens when a black person gets in a car?
The check oil light turns on.
Hilarious Car Jokes
Driving is usually enjoyable at first, but it can get exhausting and uninteresting if your destination is far away. You might want to check out these humorous and hilarious car jokes to make driving a lot more fun.
A boy and his mother survived a car crash. The boy asks his mother “Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?” The mother replies with “More like an accident.”
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
Why don’t cars work after you change their wheels?
Because they’re retired.
3 Drunk men get in a taxi, the driver knew they were drunk so he started the car and turned it off. the first man gave him the money, the second man thanked him but the third man slapped the driver, the driver surprised that he noticed so he asked why and the third man replies with ¨why did you drive so fast.¨
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car? A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies’ out of a car? A straw.
A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, “Aw, what’s the matter little girl?” She points off the cliff and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside all mangled and dead. The man unbuckles his pants and says, “Little girl, today just ain’t your day.”
Levon Aronian’s wife died in a car crash.
That’s wheelie unfortunate.
Me: “Will this car fit 5 people?”
Salesman: “Of course, without any problems.”
Me: “Oh, that is unfortunate. My homies have lots of those.”
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes so I let him in my car and said don’t worry you’ll be home with you parents soon. He said my parents died. I said I know… I went for the cliffs
Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?
You say “Tell me if you can hear me”, then get in the trunk and start screaming.
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 – 3 in the back, 2 in the front and my nan in the ash tray.
That awkward moment when your checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there’s somebody inside.
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby its a “choice” but when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children its called “murder”.
My daughter said i could never make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!!!
What’s a mixed feeling?
When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
One day a man was fixing a car, an he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, “hmm, this tastes pretty good!” So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like “dude, this can’t be healthy.” But he said “Don’t worry. I can STOP anytime.”
What kind of cars do cooks drive?
Chef-rolets.
Knock Knock Car Jokes
Having a bad day? Do you wish you could change your mood? Then you’ve come to the right place! Here are some of the finest knock knock car jokes that will make you laugh out loud.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Iona
Iona who?
Iona new car!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Cargo!
Cargo who?
Car go “Beep beep”
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Carl.
Carl who?
Car’l get you there faster than a bike.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Alpaca.
Alpaca who?
Alpaca the suitcase, you load the car!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Wanda
Wanda who?
Wanda where I put my car keys?
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Renato.
Renato who?
Renato gas for my car!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Mister
Mister who?
Mister last bus home, give me a lift!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Iowa.
Iowa who?
Iowa big apology to the owner of that red car!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
CarGo Beep Beep!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Colin.
Colin who?
Colin all cars, Colin all cars!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Bunny.
Bunny who?
Bunny got run over by a car.
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Phillip!
Phillip who?
Phillip my tank please, I’ve got a long way to go!
Car Jokes One Liners
When you’re having a bad day, a nice joke might assist to brighten your day and make you feel better. This is why we’ve collected a list of car jokes one liners to lift your spirits.
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
I work to buy a car to go to work.
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
Get a new car for your spouse – it’ll be a great trade!
My annoying little cousin keeps bragging about how he sleeps in a race car bed. Well, a joke’s on you, you little shit. I sleep in a real car.
Today is sad my sister got hit by a car and I lost my license as a driver.
I changed my car horn sound to gunshots.
People move over now much faster.
The Best way to get back on your feet is to miss a couple of car payments!
What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A Christler.
New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk.
If I owned a DeLorean, I would probably only drive it from time to time.
That car looks nice but the muffler seems exhausted.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing Taxi.
To avoid a collision I ran into the other car.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Where do dogs park their cars?
In the barking lot!
Short Car Jokes
We’ve raced to bring you these short car jokes and puns, and they’re all right here! You’ll never grow weary of them or find them laborious, if you understand what we mean!
When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a driveway.
What is a cars favourite meal?
Brake-fast!
What kind of car does yoda drive?
A toyoda.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
It didn’t see the cars.
What did Jack say to the car?
Can I give you a lift?
What sound does a witch’s car make?
Broom broom!
Why did sally survive the car accident?
She hit an ambulance.
What does a car have when it’s very itchy?
A road rash.
How does a turkey drive a car?
He wings it.
What kind of car does an egg drive?
A Yolkswagen!
What was wrong with the wooden car?
It wooden go!
What’s a car’s favorite place to hang out?
A carnival.
There’s Two Mexicans in a car, whose driving?
A Cop.
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car?
To get to the other side.
What kind of cars do mexicans drive?
A Juanda.
What is a lacrosse players favorite type of car?
A dodge!
Car Jokes for Adults
One of the finest ways to get people to laugh and start chatting is to tell car jokes for adults. Who can say? Maybe you’ll get a few originals from them as well. Car jokes are a great group activity.
These jokes lighten the mood and get the celebration started, whether it’s for a party, sleepover, or fun school events.
Hey today was great”
“What happened”
“I ran into my ex today”
“What’s so great about that?”
“I was in my car”
Recently, I’ve tried to make a car without wheels.
I’ve been working on it tirelessly.
How to freak out a car salesman?
Just say to him: “Can you please tell me if you can hear me?”.
Then climb in the trunk and start screaming.
I’ve never once been able to explain my car trouble to a mechanic without resorting to sound effects.
Making fun of someone you’re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car.
Subway is definitely the healthiest fast food available because they make you get out of the car.
Why are men like cars?
Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds “Oh. I’m terribly sorry. You see, I’m so gay I can’t even park straight.”
What’s the difference between a blonde and a car door?
The harder you slam the blonde the looser it gets.
My girlfriend left a note at my brand new Porsche. It said, “This is not working!”
I got nervous. I started the car and it is working fine.
Robin: The cars not working
Batman: Did you check the battery
Robin: What’s a tery?
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He’s all right now.
How can you tell when the Mexicans have moved into your neighborhood?
The Blacks get car insurance.
What is the main difference between BMWs and Porcupines?
Porcupines carry their pricks on the outside.
My mum always used to say “40 is the new 30”. Lovely woman… banned from driving.
If you want to change your life significantly just walk to the Mercedes-Benz 600 standing at the junction, take a brick, and throw it into the windshield.
Car Jokes for Kids
Are you planning a family trip with a lengthy drive? To have an enjoyable and safe journey, you should bring some jokes. Kids may be difficult, which is why you should have a few cards in your sleeve. The finest car jokes for kids are those that catch them off guard.
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
Why couldn’t the car play football?
Because it only have one boot!
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
My parents told me I was born on the highway.
Aparently that’s where most accidents happen.
What happens when you put a car and a pet together?
You get a carpet!
Why did the chicken want to cross the road?
Because he was suicidal and wanted to get hit by a car.
Why couldn’t the frog find his car?
Because it had been toad!
Why is Miss Piggy such a bad driver?
Because all she does is hog the road.
Your mamma is so fat that she saved me a lot of money by sitting in my car when I wanted to buy a low rider.
What do you get when you have a class of kids, and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak.
When you cross a race car with a potato, what do you get?
Crashed potatoes!
What kind of car do frogs like best?
A Beetle!
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
Why are pigs such bad drivers?
Because they hog the road!
Car Jokes for Drivers
A driver feels confident in his ability to safely transport a passenger to another site. On the road, though, it might be drowsy and dull.
That’s why you need to bring this vehicle humor around to break the ice and have fun! To generate some laughter you are going to need driving jokes. Here are some drivers jokes for you.
What kind of driver never gets a ticket?
A screwdriver!
I like when flies won’t leave my car on long road trips. Have fun moving to Kansas, you tiny idiot.
Why did the taxi driver lose his job?
Because he kept driving his customers away!
Uber lost over a billion dollars in the last six months so they’re asking their drivers to check between the seat cushions.
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.
I had to stop drinking, cause I got tired of waking up in my car driving 90.
Scratches and dents on the doors of your car are the side effects of bad driving.
How do you know if someone is hitchhiking or just complimenting your driving?
I just got fired from my job as a taxi driver.
Turns out people don’t like it when you go the extra mile for them.
Someone just honked their horn to get me out of my parking space quicker so now we will both be here until we’re dead.
My life is a lot like that driver who signals right, but turns left.
If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself the accident would not have happened.
I didn’t realize how bad of a driver I was until my sat nav said, “In 400 feet, do a slight right, stop, and let me out.”
I took my new car back to the dealers, complaining it only did left turns – “drive in the opposite direction then” he said.
Who earns a living driving their customers away?
A taxi driver!
Two blondes were driving to Disneyland. The sign said, “Disneyland Left”. So they started crying and went home.
Dad Car Jokes
There’s no doubting that terrific dad jokes about cars have a lot of force. They’re gut-wrenching and utterly cheesy, but car dad jokes have a certain allure that can’t be ignored. Here are some of my favorite car dad jokes to make your day a little brighter.
Son: Hey Dad, what’s an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would we 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.
A dad is washing the car with his son. After a moment, the son asks his father, “Do you think we could use a sponge instead?”
Last Father’s Day my son gave me something I always wanted: the keys to my car.
There are a lot of female hormones in beer.
When I drink five bottles I also can’t drive a car and start behaving illogically.
Wish I could park my dead car in the garage. Too bad there’s just not enough vroom.
I really need to get my car fixed.
What body shop do you wreck-amend?
Why did the spider buy a sports car?
So he could take it out for a spin.
What type of car do sheep like to drive?
A Lamborghini!
Final Thoughts on Car Jokes
All of these car jokes are entertaining, whether they are old vehicle jokes or new car jokes. So remember to bring these jokes with you when you go for a long drive.
It’s okay to have some fun and laugh about in the car, but don’t bother the driver or you might not have a safe ride.
Nevertheless, if you really want to amaze your friends, tell them these funny car jokes, and I guarantee they will laugh!
One of the finest methods to garner fast chuckles and brighten everyone’s mood is to tell car jokes. If you share these jokes with your family members while you’re out and about, your entire family will burst out laughing.
These amusing racing jokes are likely to be repeated and bring endless laughter.
