128 Hilarious Baby Jokes That Will Surely Make You Laugh

Baby jokes are as lovely as they are. Babies are adorable and amusing when they do things like roll on the bed, crawl everywhere, randomly eat their mashed veggies, and much more! We understand how exhausting it may be at times.

But we believe that all of our efforts are worthwhile. Have you ever observed a baby sleep? When you see them asleep, you instantly feel joyful on the inside and find yourself smiling. Babies are one-of-a-kind creatures. As far as baby jokes go.

We compiled a list of funny baby jokes that will make you laugh uncontrollably. You may get flashbacks to your youth or recall anything your mother told you about your upbringing. You’ll get a sense of what kind a child you were. Sweet and tranquil or a saboteur?

Best Baby Jokes

Only if the greatest jokes about babies are chosen can they be amusing. One of the best baby jokes might be What do you name a cow that has given birth? De-calf-inated.

Parenting is mastering the art of a one-minute-poop and a half-a-minute shower! Yes, and even the art of forgetting when you showered last!

What did the mom snake say to her crying baby snake?
She told him to quit crying and viper his nose.

I saw my son playing with a used diaper while the air conditioner was on.
It was all fun and games until the shit hit the fan.

A baby roach asks his dad what happens if they get sprayed with Raid.
Papa Roach said, “Suffocation, no breathing.”

Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne.

What did the baby in a band play?
A guitar hooked up to a waaah! waaah! pedal

What would happen if I threw a baby from the tenth floor of a building?
It would become very flat and I’d probably get arrested.

How can you tell the gender of a baby?
If he cries it’s a boy.
I she cries, it’s a girl.

What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
It’s time to go to sweep!

Babies are not at all complicated because they have only three moods: crying, finished crying, and just about to cry.

Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
When the kids are in college.

Did you hear about the pear who had triplets?
She became a pear-ant and enjoyed the fruits of her labor!

Funny Baby Jokes

Remember when you were a baby and did something silly and your parents thought it was funny? We’ve got you one of those funny baby jokes to give you a taste about it. A baby goat should always be handled like a kid.

A lady tells the nurse at a maternity hospital, “I want to call my little baby Ellie.”
The nurse replies, “I’m sorry, but that name is already taken. Perhaps you can consider naming her Ellie532 or Ellie_153.”

Why was a baby drop of ink weeping?
Because her dad was in a pen, and she didn’t know the duration of his sentence.

Why did the baby crawl across the street?
He saw the one object you told him he couldn’t play with.

Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl. They named her Paige, and they just couldn’t put her down.

A friend asked me if she should have a baby after 40.
I said no, 40 babies are enough.

What is the difference between a baby and a onion?
No one cries when you chop up the baby.

What social media site is for babies who want to go on playdates?
Tindergarden.

Why are babies so happy all the time?
Because nothing perks up their ears like the sound of their parents arguing.

What’s the difference between a baby and garlic bread?
I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.

What’s red and crawls up your leg?
A baby that has, adorably, spilled cranberry juice all over herself.

If you want to make a baby ghost laugh out loud, play peek-a-boo with it.

There was a dad who tried to keep his wife happy through labor by telling jokes, but she didn’t laugh once. Know why?
It was the delivery.

Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet. Because if you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Amal.

The stork is the bird that helps deliver babies. What bird helps prevent pregnancy?
The swallow.

Why did the infant go on a diet?
She wanted to lose her baby fat.

How do you get a baby from Krypton to go to sleep?
You rocket!

Have you heard of the pregnant bed bug?
She’s going to have her baby in the spring.

Why is that baby still in diapers?
I’ll give you two reasons: number 1 and number 2.

Hilarious Baby Jokes

How did the infant notify her mother that she had a damp diaper? She e-mailed her a pee-mail. One of the strangest and most hilarious baby jokes might include How do you tell your mum if you’ve pooped in your pants?

Did you hear what the couple who met while working at an instruction book company named their baby?
Manuel.

Did you hear about the mom who got scared when she saw a strange baby in the baby’s crib?
The father told her, “But you told me that I need to change the baby.”

I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
With any luck, right after she finishes college.

You don’t have to study for a pregnancy test, but I’ve heard there’s a lot of cramming that goes on before the exam.

How many infants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, he just points at it and cries until his caregiver does it for him

Who’s bigger, Mr Bigger or Mr Bigger’s baby?
Mr Bigger’s baby. He’s just a little bigger.

How do you make a baby float?
Always have your baby wear a Coast Guard-approved life vest.

The firefighter’s wife told her husband after giving birth to a cute baby boy: “Honey, it’s arson.”

I got a letter from my sister. She just had a baby. But she didn’t say whether it’s a boy or girl. So, I don’t know if I’m an uncle or an aunt.

Do you remember what you used to call your security blanket when you were little?
No, I’m drawing a blankie!

What would you call it if your baby refused to go to sleep?
I’d call it resisting arrest.

What did the doctor say when the pregnant woman gave birth to a frozen pizza?
“It’s not delivery; it’s DiGiorno!”

Why did the man bring his pregnant wife a small lizard?
She told him to pick up a baby monitor.

Knock Knock Baby Jokes

Knock, knock… Is anyone there? Yoda, the baby. Yoda, the baby? Yoda is the only one I care about. This is one of the best knock knock baby jokes for your entertainment.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Little old lady
Little old lady who?
I did know you could yodel!

Knock, knock!
Who is it?
I did up.
I did up who?
Eww. You did a poo?

Knock knock.
Who is there?
Etch
Etch who?
God bless you!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Kanga.
Kanga who?
No, it’s kangaroo!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Tiss.
Tiss who?
A tiss-who is for blowing your nose.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Sheep.
Sheep who?
She pooped in her diaper!

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Boo
Boo who?
Ah don’t cry, it’s only a joke!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Soap.
Soap who?
So poo on you!

New Baby Jokes One Liners

Does the stork deliver infants while they are still in diapers? No, they’re storks in their underwear! Because we all know how dull detail jokes can be, this fits well into the genre of new baby jokes one-liners.

“I don’t always drink milk. But when I do, I prefer Dos Tetas.” -The Most Interesting Baby in the World.

What social media app helps babies fall asleep by playing monotonous and long-winded conversations?
Napchat.

What kind of pooch do babies love most?
Toy.

What do you get when you take a baby from a tub of water?
Soggy baby!

When you secure your baby to a wooden car seat, it literally becomes a baby on board.

One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable, while the other is just having a baby.

The moment the baby falls asleep… the phone rings, the siblings fight, the door slams, and the dog’s bark. Never fails!

If Olive oil is made of olives, then baby oil is made of what?

What do you call a group of baby soldiers?
An infantry.

Do you know what a baby computer calls his old man?
Data

Babies usually know it is time to be born when they run out of womb.

Second Baby Jokes

The second child is always the one who receives adoration from everyone. What about making second baby jokes? Is there something that both excites and saddens you? The arrival of the second child.

A couple is having a baby soon. After learning they’re having a boy, the husband says, “Let’s name him Pete!”
But the wife says, “Honey, we’re having twins.”
The husband replies, “Well, we can call the second one RePete.”

Nobody tests mother’s psycho – meter more than her second child.

At First pregnancy, Mother: I am so scared. I don’t know what to expect.
At Second pregnancy, Mother: I am so scared. I know exactly what to expect.

A study says that the second born child is the more trouble maker in the house.

First child eats dirt. Parent calls doctor. Second child eats dirt. Parent cleans out mouth. Third child eats dirt. Parent wonders if she really needs to feed him lunch.

I’m having my second kid and asked my dad if he think I should have a baby shower
He said, “Absolutely not. Babies should have baths, not showers.”

Jake: “My mom is having a new baby.”
Joy: “What’s wrong with the old one?”

Little Johnny’s new baby brother was screaming up a storm.
He asked his mom, “Where’d we get him?”
His mother replied, “He came from heaven, Johnny.”
Johnny exclaimed, “Wow… I can see why they threw him out!”

My wife told me that she was pregnant with twin girls. I told her that I wanted to name the first one Kate. She asked what I wanted to name the second one. I answered Duplicate.

Clean Baby Jokes

Babies have been the subject of many jokes and will continue to be so; let us try to keep it as clean as possible. Where do baby cats learn to swim? could be one of the clean baby jokes. The kitty pools.

A baby’s laugh is one of the most beautiful things you will ever hear…
Unless it is 3 a.m., you’re home alone, and you don’t have a baby.

Have you heard about the lady that traveled to the ocean when she was having her baby?
She probably needed a sea section.

Where can babies post status updates about how they‘re feeling?
Babyfacebook.

Which app can babies use to see thousands of photos of people who want to buy them toys?
Instagrandma.

What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.

The baby cries, and overcome by his emotions on entering fatherhood, the man cries as well.
The midwife asks, “Are you ok?”.
He slowly turns around, a tear in his eye and says, “No, I’m Dad.”

What’s the difference between a bowling ball and a baby?
A baby needs constant supervision.

How did Batman decorate baby Robin’s crib?
With a bat mobile!

Elton John found a baby rabbit at the gym the other day. It’s a little fit bunny.

How did the two babies end up getting switched at the hospital?
Someone was told to change one of them.

Why was the baby strawberry crying?
Because his mom and dad were in a jam

If someone throws a baby out of the window, what would it become?
A pancake.

Silly Baby Jokes

Infants have a tendency to do foolish stuff to try new experiences. There are several amusing jokes about it. So, I could have a baby over 35? is one of the silly jokes for babies. No, 35 children are plenty.

How did the mom figure out her son dirtied his diaper?
He sent her a pee-mail.

What’s a breastfeeding baby’s least favorite holiday?
Hall-o-wean.

Do you know why babies born on holidays are more than likely to be little girls?
Because there is no mail delivery on holidays.

What Led Zeppelin album do most babies love best?
Infant Through The Out Door

How do you know when it’s time to be a baby?
When your mommy has a mustache.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

Why did Batman turn Catwoman into the police after she gave birth?
Because littering is a crime

What do a pregnant woman and a burned cake have in common?
You should’ve taken it out earlier.

Tell me, does the stork deliver babies with their diapers on?
No, they’re stork naked!

I’m driving my wife to the hospital since she’s in labor, Unfortunately she gives birth in the car to a baby boy. I named him Carson

My baby just ate a bunch of scrabble tiles. The next diaper change could spell disaster.

Did you hear about the new car made especially for babies?
It’s called the I-Pee.

I requested the flight attendant to switch my seat as I was next to a screaming baby.
Apparently you are not allowed to do that if the baby is yours.

Mom Baby Jokes

There are many funny jokes about having a baby, but are there any for the mother and infant? One of the funniest mom baby jokes might be; how do you know when you’re ready to have a baby?

Mom: “You’re growing up now, so you don’t need a bottle all the time.”
Baby: “I could say the same to you, mother.”

Why were the baby and her mom kicked out of a crowded theater?
Because the baby yelled, “paci-fire!”

What did the baby say to the lady holding her upon being born?
Postpardon me, but are you my mom?

How did the baby tell her mom she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail

What does a baby do when her mommy gives her milk from a bottle?
She spits it out.

I read a book on prime numbers to my baby son.
And I had his undivided attention.

When the baby corn was looking for her dad, she asked her mom, “Where’s my pop corn?”

What did the mommy spider say to the Baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.

What did the new mom say to her newborn baby when he bit down her nipple?
You suck!

Why does a mother carry her baby?
The baby can’t carry the mother.

Did you hear about the baby tomato that started lagging behind mama tomato and papa tomato during their morning walk?
I heard that the papa tomato told the baby tomato, “Catch up!”

Baby Jokes for Baby Shower

Jokes were employed as a form of entertainment during a baby shower. One of the finest baby jokes for baby shower is “Dad, will you be coming to the baby shower?” “I’d want a full-size shower, please.”

Do I have to have a baby shower?
Not if you change the baby’s diaper quickly.

I knew a girl who had a miscarriage while taking a shower
It was the worst baby shower ever

Daughter: “Dad, will you be coming to the baby shower?”
Dad: “I’d prefer a full-size shower.”

Wife: Our baby shower is tomorrow, and I have no idea what to wear! What do you think I should wear?
Husband: Probably a bathing suit.

Dad, will you be coming to the baby shower?
“I’d prefer a full-size shower, thanks”

So I just came back from a baby shower…
Dad: Wow!! You’re so much cleaner than before you left!

It’s weird that they call it a baby shower.
A more accurate name would be a supplies party.

What do pregnant women think about in the shower?
Baby Shower thoughts.

Godmother: “Settle down for a second. I have a few words to say.”
Crowd: *Goes Silent*
Godmother: “Let’s raise a toast to the bun in your oven!”

Child: “How long does this baby shower take?”
Dad: “Well, it depends on the size of the baby.”

Baby is one event the guest of honor is not expected to show up?
A baby shower

Newborn Baby Jokes for New Parents

Newborn baby jokes for new parents can be really fun and the best part is you don’t need to find it. What do you call a newborn baby? Anything you want. One of the best newborn baby jokes for new parents.

I would make a joke about newborns. But the delivery would be too painful.

Did you hear about the guy who played poker with his friends and gambled his newborn son?
His friends now realize that they might need to raise him.

I rushed to the hospital when I heard my cousin could neither walk nor speak… Apparently all newborns are like that.

The nurse hands a man his newborn and says “I’m sorry, but your wife didn’t make it.”
He responds “Well give me the one my wife made.”

What would you get if you crossed a new-born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa

What would you call a newborn baby monkey that looks just like his father?
A chimp off the old block.

What do you give a new mom, so she’s ready for anything?
A diaper bag of tricks.

What’s a newborn baby’ favorite restaurant?
Hooters

What’s a group of chubby newborns called?
Heavy infantry.

What do you call a newborn baby?
Anything you want.

My newborn son made such a fuss when the doctor cut his umbilical cord.
He had really grown attached to it.

I tried to steal candy from a newborn baby, but he slapped my hand away.
Turns out he wasn’t born yesterday.

Final Thoughts on Baby Jokes

Is there anything valuable we get from baby jokes? Yes, baby jokes relive our childhood experiences in our heads for a while. There is no doubt that we feel relieved when we recall the most wonderful period of our life, childhood.

The majority of individuals wish they could revert to being babies. The reason for this is that we are naive about the brutal world and how people have grown greedy while we are young. As children, we fantasize about becoming adults.

However, as you grow up, you will undoubtedly look back and enjoy your childhood memories. People enjoy reliving their childhood experiences through old pictures, films, and whatever else is available.

So why not try something new? Let’s attempt to preserve your childhood memories with funny baby jokes. There are dozens of jokes for babies, and as a result, you may pick up a few pointers on how to deal with newborns.