152 Hilarious Wine Jokes to Make Conversation More Enjoyable

Holding a special place in our hierarchy, wine is a great drink to enjoy but when combined with some silly wine jokes it could be turned into the best experience of your life.

It is said that if you have a bottle of good wine at hand then to add more flavour to it, you must have a good company that should be perked up with some excellent jokes about wine. This in turn has a positive psychological effect on us.

Therefore, to boost up your drinking atmosphere as well as your health, we are here to present you with some world’s most renowned wine jokes that will give you a good laugh.

Another piece of advice, don’t read them alone! Team up with a friend and start reading these jokes to each other! You guys are going to fall of the chairs laughing.

Best Wine Jokes

Wine is the heart and soul of any social gathering and in every gathering, one needs to hold up a good conversation which must entertain the guests, so there is nothing better than the best wine jokes that we have for you.

Wino? Wine-yes!
Poured out of my mind.
No rhyme pour reason.
Sometimes I make pour decisions.
Back that glass up!
You’re a glass act.

If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.

Why is Oloroso so perfect?
Because it’s completely flor-less.

They’re filming a new Renee Zellweger movie in Cuba.
It’s called Bridget Jones Daiquiri.

Did you hear they’ve translated Harper Lee’s magnum opus into Mexican?
It’s called Tequila Mockingbird.

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: “Pint please, and one for the road.”

I decide which wine to drink on a case by case basis.

When you get a hangover from wine it’s called the grape depression.

Learn Wine First Aid! Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. If it doesn’t look like it’s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.

Four fonts walked into a bar, and the barman said: “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve your type in here.”

I just heard on the grapevine that doctors have invented a new grape variety that acts as an anti-diuretic to help with incontinence.
It’s called ‘Pinot More’.

Every raisin is a tragic tale of a grape that could have been wine.

My favourite movie?
It’s ‘The Rums of Amarone.’

She only made Gin, but he loved her still.

Funny Wine Jokes

Gulping down some wine with your friends at a bar is the most carefree time so let yourself loose by cracking some funny wine jokes that we have for you here.

Some people like beer goggles.
I prefer wine glasses.

Somehow they knew I wanted champagne.
It was chilling.

The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.

What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!

Whenever I feel like wining,
I remind myself to put a cork in it.

Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!

Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!

What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!

Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!

Adulting makes me wine.

Chardonnay or should I go?

When I drink wine, I make pour decisions.

Hilarious Wine Jokes

Listening to jokes can turn any serious into a light-hearted chat so, when these jokes are based on one favourite drink then there is nothing more to wish for. Then get ready to laugh your head off at some hilarious wine jokes that we have for you down here.

What’s the difference between priests and wine lovers?
Wine lover likes it when it’s older.

I bought a bottle of wine.
But I was worried I might drop it on the way home so I decided to drink it.
It’s a good thing I did, I fell off my bike 8 times.

Did you hear about the priest who went mad and poisoned the wine at church?
He was tried for mass murder.

A priest, an imam, and a rabbi walk into a bar
The priest has wine, the imam gets a Shirley Temple, and the bartender asks the rabbit, “what’ll you have?”
The rabbit responds, “man, I dunno. I’m only here because of autocorrect.”

Someone told me I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine.
I’m confused… What is leftover wine??

Drinking an entire bottle of wine in under an hour is a lot like entrusting a secret to a unreliable person;
It’s bound to come up sooner or later!

I love cooking with wine.
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

The first thing on my bucket list is to fill the bucket with wine.

What did the grape say when it was crushed?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

Sometimes we all need a Riesling to be cheerful.

He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious;
I said he had no proof.

Wine improves with age.
I improve with wine.

Don’t ask me why I love wine.
I have my rieslings.

When you get a hangover from wine, it’s called the Grape Depression.

I was having wine with my wife when she said, “I love you so much, you know. I don’t know how I could ever live without you.”
I said, “Is that you or the wine talking?”
She said, “It’s me talking to the wine.”

What’s the secret to enjoying a good bottle of wine?
Open the bottle to let it breathe.
If it doesn’t look like it’s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.

Short Wine Jokes

Nothing could be a better conversation starter than cracking up some short wine jokes along the way. So, we bring to you some of the most popular wine jokes that are shared around the globe.

What kind of wine does a horse drink?
A chardo-neigh.

Recently, a wine aged in space was put up for sale
I wanted to buy it, but the price was astronomical.

What is the difference between a $200 wine and a $20 wine?
$180.

Wanna know what my favourite white wine is?
The immigrants are taking all our jobs!

My mother-in-law is like a fine wine.
Too much of her gives me a headache.

Offering his flesh for bread and his blood for wine, Jesus Christ made…
the ultimate snackrifice.

My wife is like a bottle of wine.
I have to keep the cork wet or else she’ll spoil.

What is Gaston Bachelard’s favourite kind of wine?
Merlot-ponty.

What’s the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.

What do you say to a grouchy alcoholic?
Stop winning.

I strongly believe women are like fine wine.
They should be kept in a dark cellar and only brought out for special occasions.

Good friends are like fine wine.
That’s why I keep mine locked in the cellar.

How much should you spend on a bottle of wine?
I don’t know…maybe 15 minutes!

What’s the difference between fine wine and fine women?
Fine wine doesn’t try and escape from my cellar.

What does a horse do to slow down for a glass of wine? It de-canters!

I told my wife that a Husband ages like wine. We get better with age.
So she locked me in the cellar.

One Liner Wine Jokes

If you are under stress and you need to relax with a drink in hand on your couch then there is nothing better than to couple it up with some nerve-racking one liner wine jokes that will help you able to relax and enjoy yourself.

If red wine is the blood of Christ…
I’m never having white wine again.

What’s the most popular red wine?
We want our land back!

I’ve trained my dog to bring me red wine.
It’s a Bordeaux collie.

Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!

Today’s forecast partly cloudy with 100% chance of wine.

It’s Saturday the only decision you need to make is what type of wine to have.

You had me at Merlot.

Let’s go wine tasting on the couch.

There is no crying in the vineyard but you can wine.

They should put more wine in a bottle, so there’s enough for two people.

Wine gets better with age, I get better with wine.

Let’s drink some wine it’s really not good to keep things bottled up.

What a wine-derful world.

Sometimes I write ‘drink wine’ on my to-do list, just so I can feel like I accomplished something.

It’s just another Merlot Monday.

I don’t complain, I just wine.

I do yoga to relax, just kidding I drink wine in my yoga pants.

Wine is like duck tape, it fixes everything.

I will always be your partner in wine!

Wine a little, laugh a lot!

This home runs on love, laughter and bottles of really cold wine.

Stop and smell the rose.

Clean Wine Jokes

You are in a meeting and you feel that the atmosphere is quite charged and everybody is on the edge so nothing is better to make your employees giggle by cracking some clean wine jokes here and there.

What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

What do you call a wine hangover?
The grape depression.

If you can drink away your hurt, it must have been champagne.

How do you decide how much wine to drink?
Take it on case-by-case basis.

What do you call a grape that is an anti-diuretic?
Pinot More.

Did you know wine doesn’t make you fat?
It makes you lean…against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.

It’s funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible but 8 glasses of wine is a sign of a good meal.

The first thing on my bucket list?
To fill the bucket with wine.

We have an open-door policy. Show up with wine, and we’ll open the door.

Dirty Wine Jokes

Hitting a bar late at night and having some wine is the best way to spend lazy weekend nights so how about topping your drinking experience up with some of your silly and dirty wine jokes that will make your night memorable.

May I offer you a glass of EU-defined representative wine product?

I wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.

Jesus turns water into wine.
I can turn your girl into mine.
I like my girls like my wine.
Sweet and 18 years old.

You, me, a bottle of wine, and your ex’s email?
I just spilled wine all over my sheets.
Can we share yours?

Hey, are you wine?
Because I have a certain cellar I want to keep you in.

Hello, pretty young lady!
would you like to have sexual intercourse with me while I treat you to wine and roses?
I got a bottle of wine and a new pack of Depends in my scooter if you’re feelin’ frisky.

Wine Jokes for Adults

Entertaining your guests, family or friends at home with some high-quality aged wine is just a novel experience in itself but how about if you team it up with some wine jokes for adults that will give them ground-shaking laughter.

I’m a wine enthusiast.
The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get.

It doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty or half full.
There’s clearly room for more wine.

What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!

I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass;
I won the dance competition.

I can’t wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.

What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!

Wine Jokes Quotes

Combine your aged classic wine with one of our best collections of wine jokes quotes and you will have the most rejuvenating and refreshing experience of your life.

“In victory, you deserve Champagne. In defeat you need it.” ― Napoleon Bonaparte

“Beer is made by men, wine by God.” ― Martin Luther, circa 1500s

“The discovery of a wine is of greater moment than the discovery of a constellation. The universe is too full of stars.” ― Benjamin Franklin, circa 1700s

“What wine goes with Captain Crunch?” ― George Carlin

“Life is too short to drink bad wine.” ― Anonymous

“She gets to keep the chalet and the Rolls, I want the Montrachet.” ― Forbes Magazine, May 6, 1996

“My only regret in life is that I didn’t drink enough Champagne.” ― Robert Noecker

“Give me wine to wash me clean of the weather-stains of cares.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it.” ― Anonymous

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” ― W.C. Fields, circa 1930’s

“It takes a lot of good beer to make great wine” ― Brian O’Donnell, Winemaker of Belle Pente, 2013

“Champagne is appropriate for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.” ― Madeline Puckette, 2010

“Either give me more wine or leave me alone.” ― Rumi, circa 1200’s

Wine Jokes and Puns

Raise a toast of wine to your close friend, colleague or relative and blurt some knee-slapping wine jokes and puns that have your guests laughing insanely.

Great minds drink alike.

I make pour decisions.

Here for the right riesling.

On cloud wine.

Partners in wine.

No wine left behind.

Sip happens.

It’s wine o’clock.

You give me reasons to wine.

Let’s re-wine this day, please.

I woke up feeling wine.

Some you wine, some you lose.

Life is wine-derful!

Sorry I’m tipsy, alcohol you later.

I think we’re ferment to be together.

This wine really cask a spell on me!

Red my lips – we need more wine!

Rose colored glasses.

Stop and smell the rosé.

Everything happens for a riesling, right?

Love the wine you’re with.

Oh, sweet child of wine.

I need to re-wine my life.

You’re the wine that I want.

You are so bottlefull to me.

Will you accept this rosé?

Will you accept this rose?

Another glass? Wine not?

You are the wine that I want.

Read between the wines.

Time to wine down.

You can’t sip with us.

It doesn’t really matter if the glass is half empty or half full as long as there is room for more wine.

Sip, sip, hooray!

Adulting makes me wine!

Feeling grape.

Final Thoughts on Wine Jokes

Nothing is better in this world than having your friends and family over to your place and grabbing some after-dinner wine from your cellar to have a carefree and relaxing time together but let us add to your enjoyment by offering you wine jokes that you would never hear before.

You could make your friends come over to your place and learn up some of these wine jokes to make them laugh their heads off! No seriously these are literally some amazing jokes!

Jokes about wine not only make us laugh for no reason at all but also add to the flavour of the drink also and also are said to have a great healthy and soothing effect on the otherwise chaotic nerves of our minds.

So, if you care for yourself and your loved ones you must dive into the world of wine jokes that will not only make you enjoy but also make you the soul of every party and social gathering.