147 Hilarious Tuesday Jokes to Get You Through the Whole Week

Looking for some best Tuesday jokes? Stop your search because you have landed at the exactly right page. It’s time to say goodbye to Mondays and lead to a new week with a sense of humor.

After all, who doesn’t need a good laugh now and then? If you’ve been dragging all day, take a moment to relax by reading these Tuesday jokes that will make you chuckle till your sides hurt.

Tuesday is a day that can be a little more difficult to get through. The weekend has just gone, and it’s time to get back to work and school.

There’s no need to get depressed about what you should do with your time; instead, laugh at these Tuesday jokes for work that will brighten your day.

Best Tuesday Jokes

These best Tuesday jokes are perfect for any time of day, from Tuesday until next Tuesday evening. Take a look at this best collection of Tuesday jokes of the day.

How do you make a Tuesday better?
You can Choose (Tues)day and just go with it until Friday.

On Tuesdays, what does a taxidermist do?
Nothing special, just the usual stuff.

ATTENTION: This afternoon I will attempt to travel back in time and change history.
You’ll know I’ve succeeded if Germany loses World War II and Wednesday comes after Tuesday.

My wife wants to meet new people & have fun, so she made me join a Bridge Club….
…I jump off next Tuesday

Q: On which day of the week is it the hardest to lie?
A: Truthsday.

On Sunday November 6th, USA will move an hour back …
… and on Tuesday November 8th, we move back half a century.

Why are Asian women so excited about Tuesday?
It’s Erection Day.

How come Sander’s supporters didn’t vote for him on Super Tuesday?
Because they were too busy posting on Reddit.

From the year that brought you 8 months of March
Welcome to Tuesday Part 4.

Q: Why isn’t Tuesday the saddest day of the week.
A: Because 4 days later is a sadder day.

Today’s the day where I get to eat lots and lots of chocolate.
Tuesday.

Diamond: Hey, Ruby, did you hear that I’m getting embedded into a statue next Tuesday?
Ruby: But we were going fishing on Tuesday! You sure you can’t change the date?
Diamond: Sorry Ruby, it’s set in stone.

My wife wants me to lose 180 pounds this year for my new year’s resolution.
I’m serving her with the divorce papers on Tuesday.

Why would you call Tuesday 22nd in February 2022?
A Two’s Day full of 22/2/22.

It’s Pancake Tuesday already…
Really creped up on me.

[OC] So a Comcast technician asks a woman on a date
Surprisingly, she says yes. He says “Great! Be at your house on Tuesday and I’ll pick you up anywhere from 11am to 6pm.” – Inspired by my recent internet installation experience.

Why shouldn’t you eat a kid’s meal on Tuesdays?
You shouldn’t eat a kid’s meal on any day because their mother will get angry with you!

What did dad say when mom asked him to get groceries alone?
He said, “It’s Twosday, you’ve got to come along with me.”

On Monday, Hitler told 1 lie.
On Tuesday, he again told 1 lie.
On Wednesday, he told 2 lies.
On Thursday, 3.
On Friday, 5.
On Saturday, 8.
And on Sunday, Hitler told 13 lies.
That is the fibber-Nazi sequence.

What follows four days of rain in Seattle?
Tuesday

Remember the undies with the days of the week on them, Monday, Tuesday…?
In Romania we had something similar, our girls on their undies had January, February….

I think as marriages go, we’re doing absolutely awesome, I mean I get to sleep with my wife nearly every day!
Nearly on Monday,
nearly on Tuesday,
nearly on Wednesday,
nearly on Thursday,
nearly on Friday,
nearly on Saturday and
nearly on Sunday

Today I held open a door for a feminist
My court hearing is scheduled for next Tuesday.

Funny Tuesday Jokes

This section will undoubtedly provide you with plenty of funny Tuesday jokes to share with your family and friends. Check out this hilarious list of the funny jokes for Tuesday and choose your favorites. The best thing is that you can use them as captions and status updates on Pinterest, Facebook, and other social media sites.

Why were my neighbors walking barefoot in their garden?
Because they were celebrating open Toesday!

I convinced my girlfriend to get over her fear of skydiving…
Her funeral is on Tuesday.

I went for a job interview last Tuesday and was asked to describe myself in three words.
“Violent when disappointed,” I replied.
I hope to get the appointment letter on Monday.

What did the calendar say after Tuesday?
WTF

A man walks into a bar with a pork pie on his head.
The barman asks, “Why are you wearing a pork pie on your head?”
The man replies, “It’s a family tradition. We always wear pork pies on our heads on Tuesday.”
The barman remarks, “But it’s Wednesday.”
Sheepishly, the man says, “Man, I must look like a real fool.”

Q: Why did the Mexican restaurant get such a great review on Tuesday night?
A: It was nacho average Taco Tuesday!

Sean Spicer, United Airlines CEO and Pepsi’s PR team walk into a bar…
They’re all getting fired, so drinking on a Tuesday is acceptable.

For everyone in the working world today: It’s a Tuesday…
…which is like a Monday but with steel-toed boots and a slightly lower aim.

A man stumbles to his front steps late one Tuesday night…
He clumsily opens the door to be met by his furious wife.
“Drunk again?!” she asks.
He chuckles and says “Hey, me too.”

Did you hear about the director of the Department of Motor Vehicle who resigned on Tuesday?
He tried to resign on Monday, but found he’d been standing in the wrong line.

What is a stuttering ballerina’s favourite day of the week?
Tu-Tu Tuesday

How many days did it take for Sunday to reach Wednesday?
Twosday.

I run a support group for premature ejaculators every Tuesday.
Officially it starts at seven, but everyone comes early.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
Those were the days.

Harry went to his doctor on Thursday to review his test results. The Doctor told him that he has both good news and bad news.
“Good news is you have 48 hours to live,” he said to Harry.
“Bad news is I should have told you on Tuesday.

What’s wrong, Bubba? asked the pastor.
I need you to pray for my hearing, said Bubba.
The pastor put his hands on Bubba’s ears and prayed. When he was done, he asked, So how’s your hearing?
I don’t know, said Bubba. It isn’t until next Tuesday.

“Weird Al” Yankovic on Tuesday rejected fans’ requests for a “My Corona” parody about the deadly coronavirus.
That would have gone viral.

Q: Which day of the week do golfers like the most?
A: Tee-sday (golfers place the ball on a tee to start each hole).

Writing “Twosday” instead of “Tuesday” is word play
But writing “Twosday” twice is four plays

I’ve heard that if you choose to do something you love, you’ll never have to work a day in your life
Apparently loving to lay on the couch all day, watching TV and doing nothing doesn’t apply and my stuff gets repossessed next Tuesday.

What do you do when Tuesday is standing outside your bathroom door?
You let it sink in.

How do you keep the dreams alive on Tuesdays?
By hitting the snooze button.

How can people like Tuesday?
By thinking that it is the farthest from the coming Monday.

Hilarious Tuesday Jokes

The second day of work can be a real pain. The day is no different from any other day at work, when it comes to school and classes. So here’s an easy way to make everyone’s Tuesday a laugh. How? With these hilarious Tuesday jokes!

Q: Why didn’t Pugsley’s sister ever compete in races?
A: Because Tuesday always came before Wednesday. (Wednesday is Pugley’s sister from the Addam’s Family)

Q: What do you call a Tuesday for people who forget to set their morning alarm clock?
A: Snooze-day.

See You Next Tuesday
What’s furry on the outside…
Wet on the inside…
Starts with a C…
Ends with a T…
And has U & N in-between?
A coconut!

With the election coming up Tuesday, exit polls show Donald Trump having a 300-point lead in one state…
Dementia.

Why do you often see fewer airplanes in the sky on Tuesday?
Because after a long weekend, they’re supposed Tuesday grounded.

What is the case of a bad Monday called on a Tuesday?
It is just a pre-existing condition.

A recent study shows most Americans like to have sex on days that begin with T
Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow

I checked my bank account and I found out that I have enough money to spend for the rest of my life.
Rent? Food? Bills. My account got them covered for the rest of my life. As long as I die on Tuesday.

SNL does great parodies of presidential debates.
For some reason this one is airing on a Tuesday though

Why couldn’t Tuesday have fun with his friends?
Because he could never see the weekend from there.

Three older men are undergoing a memory test at the doctor’s office. The Doctor asks, “What is three times three?”
The first man answers, “274.”
The second man answers, “Tuesday.”
The third man answers, “Nine.”
The doctor pleasantly surprised at the third man’s correct response, inquires, “Great! How did you get that answer?”
“Simple. Just subtract 274 from Tuesday.”

Pilot Bob Johnson, age 85, died peacefully in his sleep last Tuesday.
The rest of his passengers weren’t so lucky.

So, I got a nose job last Tuesday…
It’s amazing what hookers will do if you tip them.

When I was in college, I used to have sex almost EVERY DAY…
…almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost Wednesday…

What happens when the new President moves into the White House, but the old President refuses to leave?
####’My Two Presidents’
New CBS Tuesdays after NCIS: The Really Odd Couple 10/9c

What is common between eggs and Tuesday?
One can make a scrambled breakfast and the other can scramble your week.

Monday – Greg, Tuesday – Ian, Wednesday – Greg, Thursday – Ian, Friday – Greg, Saturday – Ian, Sunday – Greg
The Gregorian calendar

Bought a toilet brush on Tuesday.
Decide to go back to paper today.

Why do Brits pronounce Tuesday as choose day?
Because they drank the T

How do tacos share stories about their scary experiences up until Tuesday?
…and then came the savior, Tuesday!

Just saw a fun fact that said, “Babies are more likely to be born on Tuesdays.”
As opposed to what? ADULTS being born on Tuesdays?

Q: Why was everyone looking for Lipton?
A: It was Teasday. (Lipton is a brand of tea).

Happy Tuesday Jokes

We know you’re quite bored and just waiting for the time to pass because it’s still a long way until Friday. Fortunately, we have jokes that you can share and laugh at with your friends to help you pass the time. Read these happy Tuesday jokes and share the ones you think are the funniest with your friends.

What sounds better than a ‘happy Monday’?
A very ‘happy Tuesday’ indeed.

Q: What is the best day to say cheers?
A: Toast Day.

Happy Fat Tuesday…
Or as your mother calls it, just another day.

Why did taco cry on a Tuesday when it was supposed to be happy because it was Taco Tuesday?
Because a nacho said to it, “I am nacho friend anymore”.

Q: Why is Taco Tuesday so good for family night?
A: Everyone gets a chance to taco ’bout their day!

Did someone order a bright and sunny day? Well…here it is.
Happy Tuesday!

Happy International Women’s Day!
Or as I like to call it, Taco Tuesday

The key to a happy Tuesday is forgetting about the broken images of Monday and focusing on a new beginning.

How do you mark the day when the baby chews food for the first time on Tuesday?
You call it a ‘Chewsday’.

Q: Why did the couple have to spend the whole day together?
A: It was Twos-day.

Happy Tuesday! You got to admit, at least it sounds better than happy Monday.

Q: What did the Krispy Kreme donut sign say on Taco Tuesday?
A: Don’t forget about us today, we have fillings too…

Tuesday Jokes One Liners

It’s difficult to work on a Tuesday. You’re still hangover from Monday’s responsibilities, and the hours are ticking away. What better way to relieve boredom than to tell your coworkers some Tuesday one liners? Choose your favorites from the following list.

Tuesday is the most sensible day of the week.

Tuesday is a good day, you survived Monday. And tomorrow is Wednesday, half way through your work week!

My drinking days begin with “T” … Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow.

Tuesday is Monday’s ugly sister.

Tuesday isn’t so bad. It’s a sign that I’ve somehow survived Monday.

Monday always passes and there will always be a Tuesday with a beautiful blue sky with few clouds.

Told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for next Tuesday.

Tuesday is a huge day.

Tuesday is the day I actually start the week; Monday I just deal with the depression of the weekend ending.

Tuesday nights are sushi nights, so we go out then.

There is a secret to making a marriage last that my wife and I know. We have good food and wine two times a week at a nice restaurant. Her night is Tuesday, mine is Friday.

I don’t want it good. I want it Tuesday.

Knock Knock Tuesday Jokes

It’s said that laughing is the best medicine, so read these amusing Tuesday knock knock jokes to brighten your day and appreciate your life even more. Enjoy this week’s humorous jokes and have a good laugh!

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Tuesday.
Tuesday who?
Tuesday morning – time to wake up!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Waiter!
Waiter who?
Waiter minute while I bring you some tacos!

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Avocado!
Avocado who?
Avocado cold.

Tuesday Jokes for Work

Grinding at work and doing the same tasks over and over? That Tuesday proverb isn’t going to keep you going all day. Check out these funny Tuesday jokes for work to share with your boss and coworkers to break the ice.

What did the employees say to the boss when he could find them on Tuesdays?
They smiled at him and said, “Good employees are just hard to find, especially on a week day”.

A work week is so rough that after Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.

What does a clean Tuesday symbolize?
A cluttered next weekend!

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station…

I like work. It fascinates me.
I sit and look at it for hours.

The boss frowns on anyone yelling: “Hey Weirdo!”
He says too many people look up from their work.

What’s the difference between GTA V Online and a non-essential government employee?
Nothing neither one has been working since Tuesday…

How do you know the work week will get even crazier after Monday and Tuesday?
Because all that’s left is WTF.

My boss asked why I was already late twice this week
“Because it’s only Tuesday” I replied.

Tuesday Jokes for School

Are you looking for some Tuesday jokes for school to deliver at school? Check out this collection of the best and funniest jokes for school to tell on a Tuesday to post on Facebook and with your class.

Why can’t the kids take a ferry to school on Tuesday?
Because they have Tuesday (to-use-da) roadway to reach the school.

Q: Why did the student wear a ballet skirt to school?
A: He thought it was tutus-day. (a tutu is a ballet skirt)

What did the weeks say to the boy when he was really worried about Tuesday?
“Don’t worry, Friday is on its way”.

Why are Sundays stronger and more powerful than Tuesdays?
Because Tuesday is just a weak-day.

Why did Pooh like Taco Tuesdays?
Because they help in enhancing his roundness for the rest of the week.

Why were Taco Tuesdays introduced?
Because they wanted to give us something to taco ’bout the whole week.

Why didn’t the eggs go to school after Tuesday?
They were all eggs-hausted and were afraid of the following day – the Humpty day!

What do Tuesdays always love to do?
They like to put the blame on Mondays.

What is the worst day for a loaf of bread?
It is a Toast Day!

What is the best Tuesday motivation?
Thinking that there is a taco, out there in the universe thinking of you too!

Funniest Tuesday Jokes

Looking for some amusing Tuesday jokes? It’s a little of wordplay for Tuesday. Get rid of the bad feelings and opt to have a good time on Tuesday with these funniest Tuesday jokes.

Why didn’t ‘Get up and Go’ arrive at the party on a Tuesday?
Because he ‘Got up and Went’ somewhere else.

My wife’s panties are labelled ‘Monday’, ‘Tuesday’, ‘Wednesday’ …
My underwear is labelled ‘January’, February’, ‘March’…

Q: What’s the scariest day of the week?
A: Boo’s-Day.

My friend said to me, “Whenever a World Cup game is on, let’s eat something to do with that team for dinner that night.”
Mexico was on, we had burritos.
Japan was on, we had sushi.
USA was on, we had burgers.
Italy was on, we had pizza.
Tuesday is England, so we’re going out.

My friend does a weekly bad joke Tuesday… Today’s was quite good (Bad?)
Yesterday, I made a belt out of old watches. What a complete waist of time.

I bought a second-hand time machine next Tuesday.
They just don’t make them like they’re going to anymore.

“I said to the gym teacher: ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’
He said: ‘How flexible are you?’
I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays.'”

Why can’t Superman eat the corn tortillas at taco Tuesday?
He’s afraid of that chip tonight.

My wife asked if these pants make her look fat…
I replied
“Definitely not. It’s you that makes the pants look fat.”
And oh, how we both laughed and laughed.
Anyway, I’m single now in case any of you want to hang out.
I’m pretty open most days. Except for Tuesday’s when I do yoga.

I always thought Ruby Tuesday was by the Beatles,
turns out it’s by the Cinnabon.

What’s the worst thing about Fridays?
Realizing it’s only Tuesday.

Why can’t you change the decision of a seal saying ‘Tuesdays are the best’?
Because it is a seal of approval.

Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sex
He asks, “Mommy, what are you doing to Daddy?”
She thinks fast and says “Daddy’s too fat, so I’m trying to flatten him out”.
“Why bother? Every Tuesday the maid comes in and blows him back up again!”

Q: Why didn’t the French chef realize it was pancake Tuesday?
A: It Crêpe’d up on him.

I saw a man with a bucket on his head.
When i asked what he was doing, he explained “I always wear a bucket on my head on Monday.”
“But today is Tuesday?” I asked.
He blushed. “Oh no, i must look like such an idiot!”

Q: When did Sherlock Holmes solve the mystery?
A: On a Cluesday.

Q: What day should you wear flip-flop sandals?
A: Toesday!

Friend: what day is today?
Me: Tuesday
Friend: woah, even Einstein can’t answer that.
Me: why?
Friend: because he’s dead

Q: When should you never annoy a lawyer?
A: On a Suesday.

Q: Why didn’t Superman eat the nachos at tonight’s taco Tuesday dinner?
A: He’s afraid of that chip-tonight.

Good Morning Tuesday Jokes

It’s Tuesday morning, and only the second day of the week has passed. It’s exhausting to get up on a Tuesday morning. It can be aggravating, especially because we’re all looking forward to the weekend. You can, however, avoid becoming grouchy and cranky. It is, after all, Tuesday morning! Take a look at these amusing Tuesday morning jokes.

Q: What does it mean when you wake up on Tuesday morning?
A: That you made it though another Monday!

What do a Tuesday morning and a stress ball have in common?
They both are less busy than a Monday morning.

Why did the employee worry about his Friday being ruined?
Because it was still Tuesday morning.

Why did the vegetable salad say to a fruit juice on a Tuesday morning?
“They say it is our day, TossedDay!”

Why don’t people differentiate between Monday and Tuesday morning?
Because for them Tuesday morning is just as similar to Mondays.

What did the executioner say on a Tuesday morning?
It’s time to beheaded to work.

A young cowboy gets thrown out of a saloon Monday night.
Tuesday, he returns with a dachshund under his arm.
The bartender asks “What’s with the dog?”
“Last night when I got out of hand and was thrown out, I was told ‘Get a long little doggie.’”

Why is a Tuesday morning not bad?
Because it a sign that one has survived through the previous Monday morning!

Why did the employee leave the office on a Tuesday morning?
Because his boss said, ‘Have a good day’.

Why didn’t the teacher read Tuesday morning news?
Because she didn’t want additional Tuesday mournings.

Why are mints necessary for meals during Tuesday mornings?
Because they back you up with an encourage-mint to reach the weekend.

My wife says that she will have butt sex if this hits the front page by the morning.
Please don’t upvote, she is on a business trip until Tuesday.

Final Thoughts on Tuesday Jokes

We hope you enjoyed this amazing collection of Tuesday jokes.

We understand that the middle of the week is the most hectic time of the week; however, don’t worry; today isn’t any different than last Tuesday, and we’ve got you covered! It’s only a few days till the weekend. So, take a look at our jokes for you.

Laugh more with our Tuesday jokes, which will assist you in getting out of bed! Take your time reading those puns and riddles where the setup is the punchline or when you pose a question with answers.

We hope you find these funny Tuesday jokes amusing enough to share with others and make them laugh.

Consider whether there are true-to-life jokes that can bring down governments or jokes that make girls smile. Many of the Tuesday jokes for work are meant to be amusing, but some of them can be insulting.

We strive to mute jokes that go too far, are cruel, or racist, and it would be highly encouraged if you could notify us if a joke becomes bullying or inappropriate.