150 Hilarious Tree Jokes to Fresh Your Mind
Curious about the hilarious tree jokes? If yes, then you come to the right place! Take a look around, all around you, that’s right, all you can see are trees.
Do not be fooled into thinking trees aren’t fun because they seem so solemn and serious. It is only right that I indulge in corny tree puns, as we can have lots of fun at the expense of our oxygen-producing friends.
There are a lot of great tree puns and tree jokes out there. If you want to “branch out” a bit, you can include wood puns and wood jokes as well. You will find some of my favorite foliage funnies in this article. So, let’s start some fun with jokes about trees!
You May Also Be Interested In:
Table of Contents
Best Tree Jokes
Take the time to learn these uproarious clean jokes and tell them whenever you need your kid to smile. Keep in mind that they may not think your best tree jokes are funny forever, so don’t wait too long.
What is every single tree’s least favorite month?
SepTIMMMBERRR!
What must trees drink responsibly?
Root beer.
What kind of trees do you get when you plant kisses?
Tulips.
What’s big, grey and falls from trees in Autumn?
Eleafant.
Would you ever consider going on the almond tree diet?
No way, that’s just nuts!
Which flowering plant is a champion equestrian?
The horse chestnut. (It totally conkers the competition.)
What motorcycle brand do London plane trees ride through the forest?
Treeumph.
Did you hear about the elephant that got stuck up a tree last summer?
In order to get down, she had to sit on a branch and wait until fall.
Why did the evil queen order her subjects to cut down all the trees in the kingdom?
She was jealous because every one of them had a bigger crown than her.
Why can’t Christmas trees sew?
They always drop their needles.
Did you know that I can cut down a dead tree just by looking at it?
It’s true. I saw it with my own eyes!
What did the little tree say to the big tree?
Leaf me alone!
Did you hear the one about the oak tree?
It’s a corn-y one!
Where do saplings go to learn?
Elementree school.
Why do trees make great thieves?
Sticky fingers.
Why can’t the lonely evergreen stop thinking about high school?
She’s still pining to be one of the poplar kids.
Funny Tree Jokes
Everyone is tired of the same old jokes our dads used to tell us when we were kids. Here are the latest and funny tree jokes that I’ve found in a long line of great ones.
How does a tree get on the internet?
They log on.
Why are trees the best networkers?
They’re constantly branching out!
Why don’t you ever see hippos hiding in trees?
Because they’re really good at it.
What did the tree say to the bully?
Leaf me alone.
What type of tree likes to give high fives?
A palm tree.
What did the tree wear to the pool party?
Swimming trunks!
What did the beaver say to the tree?
It’s been nice gnawing you!
Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
It was feeling green!
Why do trees make the worst frenemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade!
What did the tree do when the bank closed?
It started its own branch.
Why did the pine tree get in trouble?
Because it was being knotty.
What kind of tree can fit into your hand?
A palm tree!
What’s a tree’s favorite dating app?
Timber.
Why did the tree need to take a nap?
For rest.
Why was the weeping willow so sad?
It watched a sappy movie.
What did the single tree say to the bush?
I don’t want no shrub. A shrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me.
How do you know when a tree has had too much root beer?
He won’t stop texting his ax.
How can you identify a dogwood tree?
By its bark.
What’s a tree’s favorite radio station?
One that plays poplar songs.
Hilarious Tree Jokes
Would you like nature puns and jokes created by combining these two? I’ve got all the hilarious tree jokes you’ll ever need right here, so if that’s you, then this post is for you.
What do you call the world’s sleepiest tree?
Mesnoozelah.
Why do trees hate riddles?
Because it’s too easy to get stumped.
Why do Christmas trees have trouble sewing?
They can’t stop dropping their needles.
What happens to trees on Valentine’s Day?
They get sappy.
Why do you never want to invite a tree to your party?
Because they never leaf when you want them to.
Do you want a brief explanation of an acorn?
In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.
What do you get when you cross a tabby cat with a lemon tree?
A sour puss.
What was the tree’s favorite thing about Star Trek?
The Captain’s log.
Disney
What’s another name for an artificial Christmas tree?
Faux fir.
What do you call a military tree who doesn’t return on time?
Absent without leaf.
What happens when a tree falls into mud?
It leafs an impression.
A snare drum and a crash symbol fell out of a tree.
*BA-DUM TSSSHH*
What did Betula pendula say to her super-annoying sister?
Leaf me alone, birch!
Which Canadian city is a tree’s favorite?
Montreeal.
What was wrong with the tree’s car?
It wooden go.
Would you ever try the acorn diet?
No way! It sounds nuts.
Christmas Tree Jokes
Family-friendly Christmas tree jokes! Kids of all ages will enjoy these clean Christmas jokes. The list also includes Christmas tree riddles, and puns. Let’s have a look at the list!
What did the Balsam Fir say when he was picked up from the tree farm?
Christmas be my lucky day!
Which former president planted the most Christmas trees?
Wood-row Wilson.
Why do Christmas trees make such wonderful pets?
They have a great bark, but wooden bite.
Why are there so many Christmas trees at the North Pole.
BeClaus, why not?
How was the Christmas tree like a bad seamstress?
They both drop needles.
Why did the Christmas tree get in trouble with the umpire?
Too much pine tar on his bat.
Why are Christmas trees more noticible on Christmas?
They have more presence.
How can you identify a Christmas tree?
By its bark – woof!
How did the Christmas tree get in trouble?
It was knotty.
What did the Christmas tree do after it’s bank closed?
It started his own branch.
How do you turn a Christmas tree into a reindeer?
You put on HORNaments.
Why did the Christmas tree go to decorating school?
So it could spruce up the forest.
What don’t you want your dog to run into over Christmas vacation?
The Christmas Flea.
What’s as big as a Christmas tree but is lighter than a feather?
It’s shadow.
What did the beaver say to the Christmas tree?
Been nice gnawing you.
What do they sing to Christmas trees at their retirement parties?
Fir he’s a jolly good fellow, fir he’s a jolly good fellow…
Tree Jokes One Liners
Are you finding the tree jokes one-liners? I have designed a list of the jokes for you. I hope these one-liners jokes make you laugh. Let’s have a look at the list!
What’s the best way to make a tree laugh?
Tell it acorn-y joke.
What do vain trees do to get rid of wrinkles?
Get a faceleaft.
Why was the tree arrested?
For shopleafting.
Why did the Chesnut tree feel left out?
It never got in on the oak.
Why couldn’t the evergreen ever land a date?
It was so busy pining after unavailable trees that it never really branched out.
Where do birch trees keep their valuables?
In a river bank.
Why isn’t the squirrel hard at work collecting acorns at the oak tree?
She called in sick and went to the beech.
What weighs more, a pound of leaves or a pound of logs?
Neither, they both weigh one pound.
How did the apple tree get the job?
It had the right qua-leaf-ications.
Would you like to read a joke about tree-free paper?
The thing is, it’s tearable.
What looks like half a spruce tree?
The other half.
Why do trees hate tests?
Because they get stumped by the questions.
What did the rock say when it rolled into the tree?
Nothing. Rocks don’t talk!
What do you call nice trees without any teeth?
Sweetgums.
Why couldn’t the fig tree get back in shape?
It couldn’t stick to a root-ine.
Clean Tree Jokes
You’re sure to smile when you hear these clean tree jokes that are funny. You’ve come to the right place if you’re looking for jokes about trees! Have a look!
What’s the same size and shape as a giant sequoia tree, yet weighs nothing?
A giant sequoia tree’s shadow.
How do trees contact one another?
By teleafone.
What is the saddest tree?
The weeping willow.
How do trees keep you in suspense?
I’ll tell you tomorrow.
What type of fish falls from trees?
Jel-leaf-ish.
How do bees travel to trees?
They take the buzz.
Why was the tree stumped?
It couldn’t get to the root of the problem.
What do you get when you cross a tree with an artificial waterway?
A root canal.
How many oranges grow on a tree?
All of them.
What tree produces fruit that tastes like chicken?
Poultree.
How did the idiot get hurt while raking leaves?
Fell out of the tree.
What is a pine tree’s favorite radio station?
Anything that plays the poplar hits.
How does a coniferous tree get ready for a date?
They spruce themselves up.
What is green, has leaves, and a trunk?
A houseplant going on vacation.
How do you know when a tree doesn’t know the answer to something?
It shrubs.
Dirty Tree Jokes
It’s finally time for our tree joke extravaganza to conclude. Is there any other place where the perfect ending could be found? Naturally, we were forced to descend into the basement filled with dirty tree jokes.
Paddy wants a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes a little math’s test.
Here is your first question, the foreman said. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.”
“Without numbers?” Paddy says? “Dat’s easy.” And proceeds to draw three trees.
“What’s this?” the boss asks.
“Have you no brain? Tree and tree plus tree makes 9” says Paddy.
“Fair enough,” says the boss. “Here’s your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.”
Paddy stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree.. “Ere ye go.”
The boss scratches his head and says, “How on earth do you get that to represent 99?”
“Each of them trees is dirty now. So, it’s dirty tree, and dirty tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99.”
The boss is getting worried that he’s going to actually have to hire Paddy, so he says, “All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.”
Paddy stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, “Ere ye go. One hundred.”
The boss looks at the attempt. “You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!”
Paddy leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and whispers, “A little dog came along and pooped by each tree.
So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes ONE HUNDRED!”
A family is at the dinner table.
The son asks the father,
“Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers,
“Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.”
“Onions?” the son asks.
“Yes. You see them and they make you cry.”
This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks,
“Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?”
The mother smiles and says,
“Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.”
“A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks.
“Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
Tree Jokes for Adults
I have collected a few funny tree jokes for adults. To make you laugh out loud, there are tree jokes that no one knows (to share with your friends). Let’s check the list!
Why do Platanus occidentalis have to see the doctor more than any other trees?
Because they are sycamore.
Did you hear about the big corporation that’s making syrup from supposedly contaminated trees?
They maple their brand off the shelves.
How do you know when a tree has had too much to drink?
It won’t stop trunk texting their ax.
Where can Adansonia trees go for a quick trim?
To the baobarber.
How do two rival forests get along?
They sign a peace tree-ty
What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas?
It took a leaf of absence.
Which side of a cherry tree has the most leaves?
The outside.
What did the little tree say to the rude tree?
Leaf me alone.
How old was the tiny tree?
Near-leaf five.
What do you give to a thirsty tree?
Lemon-aid.
Why didn’t the tree hunt?
It was against his beleafs.
What is a tree’s favorite school subject?
Geometree.
How did the elm tree know the fig tree wasn’t looking for anything serious?
It asked for no twigs attached.
What is a pine tree’s favorite singer?
Spruce Springsteen.
What did the tree say after he made an offer?
Take it or leaf it.
Tree Jokes for Kids
We have collected a lot of silly, funny, and corny tree jokes that are appropriate for kids and teens alike. Let’s have a look at the list of tree jokes for kids!
How did the tree know that the pine tree was a true friend?
Because it did him a favor, no twigs attached.
What did the Dogwood tree say to the Pine tree after he made the offer?
He said, “Take it or leaf it.”
What does everyone think of tree-free papers?
They’re tearable.
Why don’t trees like taking tests?
The questions leave them stumped.
What would you call the nice kind of tree that doesn’t have any teeth?
The sweetgums.
Why couldn’t the Christmas tree get in shape even after trying for a while?
Because it couldn’t stick to the root-ine.
How can you make all kinds of tree laugh really hard?
Tell them acorn-y joke.
What do the trees do when they want to get rid of wrinkles?
They get a faceleaft.
What did the Dogwood tree do to get arrested for the other day?
It was shopleafting.
Why was the evergreen unable to find any good friends?
Because it was always busy pining after all the unavailable trees.
Where do all the trees keep their valuables?
They keep them in a riverbank.
Why wasn’t the squirrel collecting acorns off the Oak tree?
Because she called in to say that she was going to the beech.
How did the Oak tree get the job?
Well, it had the required qua-leaf-ications.
Why did the Christmas tree love to play chess?
Probably because he was a chess-nut.
Why was the pet Dogwood tree better than the pet dog?
Because its bark was quieter.
What crime is considered the worst in the kingdom of trees?
Treeson.
What would you say if a tree had spine problems?
That it has Scoli-oak-sis.
Why don’t people cut any trees in China?
Because they just chopsticks.
Tree Jokes and Puns
Don’t miss those puns and riddles where you ask a question with an answer, or where the setup is the punchline. Hopefully, you’ll find these tree jokes and puns funny enough to share with others.
Where do woodlice go on holiday?
To the beech.
What did the Jedi say to the tree?
May the forest be with you.
How do you get down from a tree?
You don’t – down comes from a duck.
What kind of stories do giant sequoia trees tell?
Tall tales.
Why shouldn’t you invite a tree to a party?
Because they never leaf.
How do trees access the internet?
They log in.
What is every tree’s favourite shape?
A tree-angle.
What type of tree fits into your hand?
A palm tree.
Why are leaves always taking risks?
Because they constantly have to go out on a limb.
What did the tree say to the lumberjack?
Leaf me alone!
How did the tree get lost?
It took the wrong root.
Why are trees great at networking?
Because they’re always branching out.
Why did the tree fail maths?
Because it couldn’t do square roots.
How do trees make themselves heard?
Amp-leaf-ication.
What’s a tree’s favourite drink?
Root beer.
Why were lots of people sitting under the tree?
It was poplar.
Final Thoughts on Tree Jokes
These funny tree jokes will make you laugh. We all love nature. Isn’t it? What is your favorite thing about nature? Humor, what about it? Imagine combining these two to create awesome nature puns and jokes. Would you like them too? I hope you would like these funny tree jokes and puns because this post has plenty of them.
Having fun at the expense of our oxygen-producing friends is only fair, so I indulge in corny tree puns. Additionally, I discussed tree jokes for kids and adults that are exclusive to these two groups. You’ve also found funny, dirty, clean, and silly jokes about trees that will make you laugh and spend time with your friends.
This is all we have today for tree humor. Would you mind telling me which of these funny tree puns and jokes you enjoyed the most? Let us know in the comment section below.
