168 Hilarious Squirrel Jokes That Are So Nutty
To not laugh at these humorous squirrel jokes, you’d have to be insane! Even though squirrel puns can be a bit of a “grey” area, you’ll understand what we mean once you’ve read these.
These funny squirrel jokes are perfect for wildlife fanatics and lovers of all things hilarious; it’s always nice to have a stock of laughs on hand during times of humor hibernation.
There’s no shortage of amusing squirrels, and there are plenty of amusing squirrel jokes, but the cheeky little critters are so much more than comedic masters.
Squirrels are extremely intelligent, incredible acrobats, and, best of all (in our opinion), they can transform their tail into a parachute. We hope you enjoy these squirrel jokes as much as we did!
So “fur” yourself with this compilation of the best amusing squirrel jokes and puns we’ve compiled specially for you.
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Table of Contents
Best Squirrel Jokes
If you’re looking for some unique jokes to tell your friends during a dinner party or a home party, these best squirrel jokes can help. You’ll have everyone in the room laughing out loud if you tell a few funny squirrel jokes.
What did the squirrel say when he was late for work?
I’m so sorry, but the traffic was nuts.
What did one squirrel say to the other squirrel when they went to the cinema?
I love our dates and I’m nuts about you.
What do you call a squirrel that solves crimes?
Squirrel-lock Holmes.
Which squirrels are the best heroes?
Flying squirrels.
Why don’t squirrels like rabbits?
They’re always rabbiting on.
Why are squirrels’ good scientists?
They live and work in the field.
Why did the squirrel hibernate?
It was too cool to stay awake.
Why was the squirrel in trouble for chewing the furniture?
It was being gnaw-ty.
What’s the difference between a squirrel and a cannibal necrophiliac?
One eats nuts and berries, the other nuts, eats then buries.
Friend: man, you got to help me. I hit a squirrel driving my car. I feel awful, what should I do?
Me: Why’d you let it drive your car in the first place?
Why does it take more than one squirrel to screw in a lightbulb?
Because they’re so darn stupid!
How did the squirrel carpenter make wheat into a table?
It sanded against the grain.
Why did the squirrel rub a twig on its mouth?
It was using a lip-stick.
Why don’t squirrels live in Antarctica?
They Antarcti-can’t.
How did the squirrel quit its job at the sap factory?
It handed in its resin-nation.
What do the villains eat in squirrel fairy tales?
Squirrel skewers.
Do you know what type of TV squirrels watch?
Well duh, Nut-flix!
What is a squirrels’ favourite musical?
Into the Woods.
What is a squirrels’ favourite sandwich filling?
Nutella.
Why was the man measuring squirrels?
He was critter-sizing.
Why did the bank manager ask the police to help him catch a squirrel?
Because the squirrel was suspected of foraging cheques.
Funny Squirrel Jokes
If you’re looking for funny squirrel jokes, look no further: we’ve compiled a list of some funny squirrel jokes just for you. These jokes will make you laugh while chatting with your friends.
What did the squirrel say to the psychologist?
I think I’m nuts.
What did the first squirrel say when the second squirrel put twigs in the frying pan?
What on earth are you doing? This is a non-stick pan!
How are squirrels so good at saving money?
They squirrel it away.
What is a squirrels’ favourite cereal?
Wheat-abix.
Why do squirrels have bank accounts?
To save for a rainy drey.
What do you call a squirrel that doesn’t have any sulphur?
A quirell.
I killed a squirrel once with a car.
Twice with a tennis racket.
How many fruits did the squirrel bring home?
Only a pair.
What did the bird say to the racing squirrel?
You walnut beat that!
Why didn’t the squirrel like acorn jokes?
It found them too corny.
I met an squirrel at the bus stop
He was standing there with 2 flashlights.
I asked him why he had them with him.
“To scare away the wolfs”, he said.
“But, we are in the middle of the city, there are no wolfs here…”
“Told you it works!”
I saw a squirrel bury a nut in my backyard today.
I’m going to swap it for a grilled cheese sandwich and blow his mind.
How did the squirrel army escape the cat army?
They wore cat-ouflage.
Why didn’t the squirrel hibernate?
It was too hiber-late.
Why do squirrels love pheasants?
They’re always pleasant.
Why was the squirrel’s fur messy?
It was having a tuft hair day.
Why couldn’t the dog find the squirrel?
It was barking up the wrong tree.
Why couldn’t the squirrel finish its berry painting?
It had run out of the colour black-berry.
A man comes home after a hard day’s work and opens the refrigerator to get a soda. Inside, he sees a squirrel taking a nap.
What are you doing in my fridge? the man asks.
The squirrel opens one sleepy eye and says, Isn’t this a Westinghouse?
Um, yes, the man replies. It is.
Well then, the squirrel says, shutting his eyes again, I am twying to west.
Hilarious Squirrel Jokes
Take your time reading these hilarious squirrel jokes to find a best one for yourself. We hope you find these squirrel puns amusing enough to share with others and make them laugh.
What did the racing pigeon say to the racing squirrel?
Don’t act like a nut and try to beat me because you walnut be able to go faster than me.
What did the squirrel say the time she managed to accidentally catch her tail in the door?
It won’t be long now.
Why did the squirrel pay a dentist one dollar?
To get buck teeth.
What do you call a squirrel who is in charge of a bank?
A branch manager.
Two Squirrels GO Camping
They set up a tiny tent and make a tiny campfire. Then, one squirrel pulls out a frying pan and begins to pan fry some twigs. The other squirrel snatches it from his hand and says,
“Are you NUTS?!? This is a non-stick pan!”
What was left of the squirrel’s home after it set on fire?
An ash tree.
What did the old tree say to the young squirrel?
“You’ll understand when you’re Alder.”
How does a squirrel comb its fur?
It runs through the under-brush.
What is a squirrels’ favourite game?
Hide and squeak.
What is a squirrel’s favorite ballet?
The Nutcracker!
Two cows in a field. One asks should I be worried about mad cow’s disease ?
Well I’m not , the other replies, …because I’m a squirrel!
Two cows are talking to each other while grazing….
The first cow says
“Hey I heard there’s a case of mad cow disease going around, are you worried?”
The second cow looks at the first and says
“Why should I be worried? I’m a squirrel.”
What happened to the squirrel that ran into a group of cats?
They gave it a clout.
Why did the squirrel dress up like Bruce Wayne?
It was batty.
George was enjoying his drink at the bar, when an
ugly woman takes a seat next to him.
She had a squirrel sitting on her shoulder.
The woman says to George: “If you can guess what kind of animal I have on my shoulder, I am willing to sleep with you.”
George says: “It must be a crocodile?”
She replies: “Close enough”
What did the Psychologist say to the Squirrel with multiple personalities?
You’re one tough nut to crack!
Dirty Squirrel Jokes
In this section, we have assembled some dirty squirrel jokes for you. These jokes will drive you insane! Thus, just be careful not to overdo it, or people may think you’ve gone insane.
Why don’t squirrels wear skinny jeans?
Because their nuts won’t fit.
What do you call a squirrel with no nuts?
Female squirrel.
Why do squirrels swim on their back?
To keep their nuts dry!
Why shouldn’t you rape a tree?
There might be a squirrel in there looking for nuts.
How do you get a squirrel to come down from a tree?
Take off your pants and show him your nuts.
A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a squirrel in the other. “Now Listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you” “In that case,” said the boy. “I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go”
What do you get when you cross a spider and a squirrel?
A bug that will run up your leg and eat your nuts.
Why can’t you be friends with a squirrel?
They drive everyone nuts.
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel?
Want these nuts?
You are to me what a tree is to a squirrel
A place to put my nut in and forget about.
I had to file a sexual harassment claim against a squirrel in the park yesterday…
He wouldn’t stop trying to grab my nut sack.
Squirrel Jokes One Liners
The following is a list of hilarious squirrel jokes one liners. There are some squirrel jokes that no one else knows and will make you laugh out loud. Dive in!
It’s nuts that squirrels store food for winter.
Squirrels are very good at explaining things, because they give it to you in a nutshell.
A wise squirrel once said “you are what you eat”. He was nuts.
What is a squirrel’s favourite number?
Tree.
What do squirrels see on safari?
Dandi-lions.
Why was the squirrel red?
It was sun-burnt.
Who did the squirrels see in concert?
Alvin and the Chipmunks.
What has tentacles and buck teeth?
A squid-el.
What squirrel raps while it builds nests?
Dr Drey.
If you were trying to seduce a squirrel you’d have to be pretty nut.
What do you call a lazy squirrel?
A ro-don’t.
Why was the squirrel late for work?
Traffic was NUTS.
What phone do squirrels use?
Blackberries.
What plants do squirrels use as bathrooms?
Weeds.
What do squirrels eat for breakfast?
Crunchy-nut cornflakes.
If you want to catch a squirrel, just climb a tree and act like a NUT.
Why do squirrels avoid blackcurrants?
They can’t swim.
Nuts Squirrel Jokes
This is a clear play on the fact that squirrels adore nuts and spend their entire lives surrounded by them. That’s why; we have gathered some best squirrel nut jokes for you.
What do you call a squirrel that goes to space?
An astro-nut.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Why do squirrels sleep on their stomach?
To keep their nuts warm.
What nutty chocolate bar makes squirrels laugh?
Snickers.
Why do squirrels collect acorns?
They’re completely nuts.
What did the squirrel say when it lost its food?
“Aw, nuts!”
What did Bruce Wayne say to the hungry squirrel?
You wanna get nuts?
What is a squirrels’ favourite film?
The Nutty Professor.
What nuts make squirrels sneeze?
Ca-chew nuts.
Psychologist: What brings you here today?
Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat…..Nuts.
Why did the squirrel make a top out of acorns?
It wanted chest-nuts.
Why did the squirrel put chocolate on an acorn?
It wanted a coco-nut.
Why did the squirrel swim on its back?
so it won’t get its nuts wet.
How many squirrels does it take to change a light bulb?
Actually, none because squirrels only change bulbs that are nut broken.
Why don’t squirrels have friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts!
I saw a squirrel pooping the other day.
Shit’s Nuts…
What did one squirrel say to the other when he was caught hiding his acorns?
“You saw nutting!”
You were mauled by a gang of squirrels. You want to sue them but no lawyer wants to take your case, why?
Well, because you are nuts!
What did the metal squirrel eat?
Nuts and bolts.
What did the romantic squirrel give to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
Some wholesome forget-me-nuts.
Why is it a bad idea to work for squirrels?
They pay peanuts!
Squirrel Jokes for Adults
Here we have plucked few squirrel jokes for adults. Adults will love and chuckle at these amusing squirrel jokes and puns. These squirrel jokes are clean and funny enough to appeal to people of all ages.
What do you call squirrels that hibernate together?
Hiber-mates.
What Hogwarts professor has fur and stutters?
Professor Squirrel.
Why couldn’t the police squirrel get the acorn to confess to its crimes?
It was a tough nut to crack.
Why do squirrels see the future when it’s dark?
They have great night vision.
What did the squirrel do to try and impress his date?
He went out on a limb.
Why did the squirrel have leaves on its bum?
It wanted a bushy tail.
How did the squirrel greet its neighbours?
“Mice to meet you.”
Why didn’t the squirrel like the badger?
It was always badgering him.
Which animal gave the squirrel a perm?
The hare-dresser.
Why was the squirrel covered in dandelions?
It was its weeding day.
What animal do farmer squirrels keep in hedge-pens?
Hedge-hogs.
Why did the squirrel chase dogs?
It was barking mad.
How did the squirrel plant berries?
It buried them.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a pig?
A squealing rodent.
Why did the squirrel avoid flowers?
It found them seedy.
Why didn’t the squirrel go home with the lady squirrel?
He had never seen her-bi-vore.
Why did the squirrel hate beagles?
They were always hounding him.
Squirrel Jokes for Kids
If your child is as fascinated with these woodland creatures as the animals are with acorns, having these squirrel jokes for kids under your sleeve will make your little nature lover think you’re the funniest person on the planet.
Where do squirrels go to learn?
Elemen-tree school.
Why did the squirrel stay off school?
It had squirrel pox.
What kind of stories do squirrels like?
Long tails.
What type of squirrel is the best?
A grey-t squirrel.
Why did the baby squirrel think it was a cat?
It was called Kitt.
What type of squirrels help knights?
Squire-els.
What board game do squirrels play?
Scrat-ble.
Where to squirrels go on holiday?
In Cyprus trees.
Why was the squirrel searching the bottom of the tree?
It was rooting around for food.
Why was the squirrel planting hay?
It wanted straw-berries.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a kite?
A flying squirrel.
Why was the squirrel coughing?
It had eaten an arti-choke.
How do you catch a squirrel interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
Why’d the squirrel fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Funniest Squirrel Jokes
One of the advantages of squirrel jokes is that they are generally suitable for the entire family. Everyone will be giggling at these funniest squirrel jokes and puns. Check them out!
What did the squirrel say to the police dog?
Stop barking up the wrong tree and don’t act like a nut.
If a squirrel and a raccoon were playing scrabble, who would win?
The squirrel, because it has a ‘Q’.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a window cleaning genie?
A squeegee.
How do you turn a red squirrel into a grey squirrel?
You wait for it to get old.
Why did the squirrel judge the drag queen competition?
He is an expert at hiding nuts.
What do you call a squirrel with four sides?
A square-el.
A man applies for a job as a police officer.
The officer says: Alright, one more thing. Take this gun and go shoot 7 black men and a squirrel.
The man replies: Why the squirrel?
The officer says: I love your attitude, you got the job!
Why did the squirrel go on a diet of twigs?
It wanted to be stick-thin.
How did the blueberry make the squirrel sad?
It left the squirrel with the blues.
Why did the squirrel cry when it tapped a tree for syrup?
It was feeling sappy.
Three squirrels were sitting on animal hides…
The first squirrel was sitting on a rabbit hide and weighed one pound. The second squirrel was sitting on a wolf hide and weighed two pounds. And the third squirrel was sitting on a hippopotamus hide and weighed three pounds. This proves that the squirrel on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squirrels on the other two hides.
Why did the squirrel bury her lottery tickets under a bush?
She was hedging her bets.
Why did the squirrel blush after making vegetable soup?
It needed a leek.
What did the owl say to the squirrel?
Nothing. Because owls don’t talk. Then it ate the squirrel, because owls are birds of prey.
Why don’t people like it when squirrels chew things?
It’s a-gnaw-ing.
Why did the squirrel hammer acorns to the wall?
They were wall-nuts.
Squirrel Jokes That Will Make You Laugh
Squirrels are among of our most lovable rodent companions who live throughout the world, so let’s walk over this list of most hilarious squirrel jokes that will make every one laugh around you.
What did the squirrel say when he had to decide whether to stay or jump?
I’m really on the fence about this one.
Why did the squirrel blush when she had been hit by a car?
Because she felt flattered.
Why are squirrels afraid of dogs and trees?
They both bark.
What do you call a wriggly squirrel?
A squirm-el.
Why was the squirrel covered in sand and leaves?
It lived in a beach tree.
What fruit did the squirrel rescue?
The damsen in distress.
What insect do squirrels tell their babies stories about?
Dragon-flies.
Where do old squirrels live?
In the Elder-tree retirement home.
What did the squirrel say when it had to file its teeth?
This is gnaw-ful.
A genie grants a Bear and a Squirrel each 3 wishes.
Wish 1: The Bear wishes that every bear in the world would become female.
Wish 1: The Squirrel wishes for a motorcycle he can ride.
Wish 2: The Bear wishes that every female bear in the world would fall in love with him.
Wish 2: The Squirrel wishes for a helmet.
Wish 3: The Bear wishes that none of the female bears ever wanted to get married.
Wish 3: The Squirrel wishes the Bear was gay.
How do you catch a carpenter squirrel?
Go to home depot and pretend to be nut-wood.
What did the squirrel get from the dentist?
Ro-dentures.
Squirrels are like cigarettes. They are completely harmless until you stick one in your mouth and light them on fire.
Why are squirrels such good sailors?
Because, they are row-dents.
Why was the squirrel ill after eating berries?
They were poison berries.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a fish?
A squirr-eel.
Final Thoughts on Squirrel Jokes
We hope so that you will find this amazing article of squirrel jokes helpful whenever you want to make someone’s day.
Squirrels are an adorable mammal that can be seen running around in the spring, summer, and fall, and are recognized for their seeming lack of attention and interest to shiny objects that they may take back to their dens and hide.
We’ve all seen squirrels running around trees eating nuts, but these charming little critters are highly bright, fantastic acrobats, incredibly fast, and much more. These qualities are fantastic fodder for all types of jokes about squirrels.
These endearing fluffy critters have been the subject of some really funny squirrel jokes. If you think about it, this type of humor has been in a number of books and television series.
If you enjoyed this collection of squirrel jokes and want to share your own, please do so in the comments area below.
