163 Hilarious Phone Jokes to Make You Laugh

Smartphones have essentially become a necessity in our fast-paced, technologically-driven world.

These svelte gadgets keep us linked and offer unending entertainment and delight.

Our phones have really grown to be our devoted companions, helping us capture the right moments and sharing hilarious phone jokes.

So be ready to chuckle your way through this adventure as we present a selection of entertaining phone jokes that will make you giggle.

Prepare to dial up the chuckles with these humorous jokes about phones that are sure to get you in a good mood!

Best Phone Jokes

With these best phone jokes, you may unlock a whole new world of belly laughs. Are you ready to ROFL?

Why was the Orphans first phone a IphoneX
Because it didn’t have a home button.

You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?
Next time you get a call from them just answer the phone and say “Pizza Hut abortion clinic where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce, how may I help you?”

Why is there no phone in China?
To many wings to many wongs might wing wong number.

A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address and my phone number.

Me:dad my phone is broken
Dad:how
Me:i clicked the home button but im still at school
Dad:stupid

What is a fruit’s favorite way to call someone?
WhatsApple.

What phone do midgets use?
A MICROphone.

My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides “customer service” at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, “DYFS, you beat em, we treat em.”
My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, “City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em.” These bitches have no class! I’m an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, “Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking”.

“Mom? Don’t freak out, but I’m in the hospital.”
“Aaron, you’ve been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that.”

Sometimes i get jealous when my phone dies.

You want to hear a dirty joke?
This guy and this girl were having sex when the guys boss called to ask why he wasn’t at work.
The guy responds, “I’m sick”
His boss replies, “you don’t sound sick”
The guy says, “I’m fucking my sister” and hangs up the phone.

(A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen):
Man: Hello?
Woman: Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?
Man: Yes.
Woman: I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it?
Man: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.
Woman: I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special.
Man: How much?
Woman: $90,000.
Man: Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.
Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it?
Man: I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want.
Woman: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!
Man: I love you to.
(The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.)
The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?

Yo mama so fat when she got on the scale it said, “I need your weight not your phone number.”

I asked the emo girl if she gets jealous when here phone dies.

Me when my girlfriend comes home I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out and her text says yes. Get the whip your out.

The fact that am high won’t stop me from advising u
Don’t plug ur phone while charging it is very dengeros.

Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, “I need your weight not your phone number.”

Funny Phone Jokes

With the help of our collection of funny phone jokes, we hope to make your day more enjoyable. These jokes are meant to put a big smile on your face.

Why was the first orphan phone an i phone X because it doesn’t have a home button.

Why couldn’t people have their phone on airplane mode during 9/11… cause their phone exploded the towers.

Chuck Norris strangled someone with a cordless phone.

Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?
You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-
(Destroys phone cutely)

Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.

Yo mama so stupid , she ate the aplle phone you gave her.

Why should you never give an orphan a phone?
Because they wouldnt be able to find the home button.

Why shouldnt orphans get a phone?
They would get stuck in a app because they cant find the home button.

Yo mama so fat when she stepped on the scale It said I need your weight not your Phone number.

I bet emos get jealous when their phone dies.

Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.
Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.
I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day.

During a phone call:
“Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?”
“Actually, he’s off to Tampa with the kids.”

What do you call an Asian phone?
Wing Wing.

Knew a girl that died from having phone sex…. He died of hearing aids.

Me, calls the police*
Me: hey imma commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: please wait till we get there
Me: why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: no, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your Paper…and we are all bord!
Me: ok, my house number is ********************* ok!
Cop on the phone: awesome! just a sec. whispers*** guys I finally found someone who wants to get killed!

What’s the difference between E-T and an orphan
E-T can phone home.

I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said “Hello?”, so I said “Sorry, wrong number” and hung up.

Friend of mine used to take his iron to his job at the telephone exchange.
He was a smooth operator.

Left my phone under my pillow last night and when I woke up it was gone and there was a pound coin there.
I think it was the Bluetooth fairy.

Why didn’t the skeleton have a mobile?
He had no body to talk to.

I got an SMS telling me that Vettel would win this year’s Formula One championship.
Predictive texts drive me mad.

Fell asleep on my smartphone the other day.
I had downloaded a nap.

What network is Luke Skywalker on?
Yodafone.

What’s the most popular network in Yorkshire?
T’Mobile.

Why does Mr Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr Onion Rings.

Asked my iPhone, “surely I don’t need an umbrella today?”.
Siri replied “yes, and don’t call me Shirley”. Turned out I had left Airplane mode on.

Put my phone into Airplane mode. What a rubbish transformer.

My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It’s chordless.

A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It’s a gnocchia.

I can’t picture myself without a camera phone.

Hilarious Phone Jokes

These jokes will definitely make your heart smile whether you’re a smartphone junkie or just like a good chuckle!

How do oysters call their friends?
On shell phones.

How did the alien break its phone?
He Saturn it.

Why didn’t the skeleton need a cell phone?
He had no body to talk with.

Why did the pineapple’s phone die?
It needed juice.

What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone?
You get a smooth signal.

When does a horse talk on the phone?
Whinny wants to.

What do you get if you cross a phone and a lobster?
Snappy talk.

How does a pirate communicate?
With his aye phone.

Why was the cell phone scared to go to the dentist?
He didn’t want him to remove his blue tooth.

Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.

Did you hear about the fashion designer who was on the phone while driving and nearly got into a car accident?
It was a clothes call.

What is a phone’s favorite TV show?
Game of Phones.

What’s my IPhone without me?
Phone.

What phone network do they use in Star Wars?
Yodaphone.

How did the telephone propose to the lady?
It gave her a ring.

Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone?
Incase Mr. Onion Rings.

You mama is so fat, she need 2 phones to take herself.

Your mama is so fat when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight not her phone number.

Me: truth or dare?
Crush: dare
Me: I dare you to give me your phone number
Crush: umm nevermind truth
Me: ok what is your phone number.

So i was on the phone with a scam caller, he said he knew where i lived and would kill my children and wife jokes on him i already did.

When an American goes on a weight the other person will say “I asked for your weight, not your phone number”!

Yo mama so fat, that when she took a selfie, she needed 2 phones.

Your hairline is so long when you finally found the length of your hairline you told it to some one and they said don’t give me your phone number.

I asked an emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.

I give an orphan an I phone with no home button.

Gets hit by a car
Passerby: “Are you okay?”
Me: “Please…I need my…phone”
Opens twitter
Me: “Lmfaooooooo yall guess what”

Me: Mom the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!

I want your weight not your phone number.

I asked an emo girl “do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies”

Today I asked my phone siri why am i still single?
And I activated the front camera!

Yo mama so fat when the doctor saw her weight on the scale he said “I asked for your weight not your phone number”

I am so depressed! I get jealous when my phone died.

Your mama is so stupid, her phone died so she buried it in the backyard!

Phone Jokes One Liners

We’ve distilled the essence of phone humor into a collection of clever one-liners that pack a comedic punch. These bite-sized jokes are like text messages from the comedy universe.

I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.

I threw my phone from the roof, and it broke. The airplane mode must’ve been switched off.

I love my camera phone. I just can’t picture myself without it.

Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. He was charged with a salt in battery.

My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on his phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.

I put my phone into airplane mode. It’s a terrible transformer.

When you step on the weighing scale it shows your phone number.

I don’t hate you, but I got to unplug your life support to charge my phone.

My cellphone got wet, so I put it in rice, but I don’t think it’s working. The soy sauce just made things worse.

I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.

I just connected my phone to the cloud I had 10 mist calls.

I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it’s uncalled for.

My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea. I’m not sure why he is upset.

The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game. He said he didn’t want to miss any calls.

Mom was confused when I got home from school. She said, “You left your phone here, and I’ve been trying to call you all day to tell you.”

Short Phone Jokes

Our list of brief phone jokes is here to provide quick smiles in manageable doses. These clever jokes are ideal for posting on social media.

How do you make a phone call in a garden?
You use a cauliflower.

What did the pay phone say when the quarter got stuck inside it?
Money’s tight these days.

What do you get if you cross a mole with an iPhone?
A mole-bil telephone.

Why did the fox break his phone after his team lost?
He did it in a fit of fur-y.

How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.

What do you call a fake iPhone?
A phone-y.

Why could the skunk not call for pizza?
His phone was out of odour.

How does the foot send messages to the brain?
Toelaphone.

What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.

What did the cat on the smart phone say?
Can you hear meow?

Dead Phone Jokes

These jokes reflect the hilarious aspect of our love-hate relationship with technology, from running out of battery at the worst possible time to experiencing bugs and breakdowns.

So, I was on the train the other day, and you know how it takes a while to get to the city, well my phone battery was flat and I didn’t have a book, so I was a bit bored, but then I realised that there is all this cool graffiti on the tunnel walls… and um… so my phone was dead… and.. the city?
Oh darn it! I lost my train of thought.

Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.

If your cell phone’s battery is dead, throw it into a cow pasture
This is helpful because the bull charges.

My phone keeps autocorrecting dead to deaf.
It never listens to me.

I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!

When every someone says their phone battery is low,
I tell them to hold it up higher.

IT dad joke at work
End user: My phone is dead
Me: Was it murder or natural causes?
End user: …

My dad just dropped this gem of all his jokes
At the cemetary visiting my grandparents and enjoying the view.
Mom (trying to get cell phone service): “Damn, I can’t get any bars around here!
Dad: Yeah, it’s a real dead zone around here.

A stranger got me while asking for directions.
I’m driving around looking for a friend’s house who’s just moved in and my phone’s dead so I can’t look it up.
I see a guy so I stop to ask him, “What’s the best way to get to Seymour Road?”
“Get a bigger windscreen.”
I laughed against my will.

Ordering Pizza
It was family pizza night. Mom was on the phone ordering and ends with “and I’d like a medium of cheese.” Dad chimed in with, “Yea I’d love to talk to my dead cheese.” He had to go pick it up after that.

My roommate got me at dinner…
Her: What is ciabatta (pronounced chi-a-bahta)?
Me: Ciabatta is bread. You put fancy things in it.
Her: Is that a female baseball player, ’cause ciabatta (she a battah). . .
Me: . . . Dead

This one is just bad.
So two hunters are doing their jobs and suddenly, one of them gets mauled by a bear. The other hunter calls 911 and says, “Hey! You need to come over quickly! My friend is being mauled by a bear! Actually, I think he might be dead!” And so the lady said “Alright, but can you make sure he’s dead?” Through the phone, the lady heard a *POW* and the hunter said, “Okay, so now what?”

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”. The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”

According to science, the world’s funniest joke, is really a Dad Joke
Here is the joke: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed, so his friend calls 911. ‘My friend is dead! What should I do?’
The operator replies, ‘Calm down, sir. I can help.
First make sure that he’s dead.’ There’s a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, ‘Ok, now what?’”

Phone Jokes for Adults

These jokes are made to make adults laugh, so they’re ideal for adding some humor to a gathering or sharing a chuckle with pals.

Why was the phone wearing glasses?
It had lost its contacts.

Why couldn’t the mummy answer the phone?
She was tied up.

What do you call a phone made out of potato?
A gnocchia.

Why did the man cut his pizza with a smartphone?
It’s cutting edge technology.

What was the crow doing up on the telephone pole?
Making a long distance phone caw.

How does a baritone make a phone call?
Song distance.

What is a tiny cell phone called?
A microphone.

How do trees contact one another?
By teleafone.

Why is it so hard to contact a pirate?
He leaves his phone off the hook.

Did you hear about the phones who got married?
The ceremony was boring but the reception was great.

Today, I asked my phone “siri”, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.

Why cant orphan use a phone?
Because they dont have a home screen.

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale the doctor said I want your weight and not phone number.

As a son I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CCD.
It was on speaker so me and mom hear both hear.
The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.

For a present on Christmas I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.

I said to the emo girl she gets jealous every time her phone dies.

Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. there names were johony and papa All of the sudden,johony passes out.
The other hunter panics and dials 911.
The emergency responder says “911, whats your emergency?”
The hunter replies “My son just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!”
The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.”
The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”

Phone Jokes for Kids

With the help of these amazing phone jokes for kids, get ready to spread smiles and forge priceless memories. The little ones will surely enjoy them.

What do you get if you cross a phone and a pair of scissors?
Snippy answers.

Why are dogs like phones?
Because they have collar IDs.

Why do people still have landlines?
To locate their cell phones when they go missing.

What does a phone do when it wants to sleep?
It downloads a nap.

What noise does a bird’s phone make?
Wing wing.

Cartoon graphic of a girl on her phone while sitting on a pink cushion on a blue background.

What sort of phones do Adam and Eve have?
Apple.

What sort of phones do they have in dungeons?
Cell phones.

How does a phone propose?
With a ring.

Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.

How does a barber make phone calls?
He usually cuts them short.

Why don’t skeletons have a mobile?
They don’t have any body to talk to.

How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone?
They’ll get a buzzy signal.

How does a skeleton call his friends?
On the tele-bone.

What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go.

How does a banana answer a phone call?
Yellow.

Final Thoughts

We hope you’ve enjoyed yourself, laughed a lot, and maybe even found yourself gripping your sides from the pure humor of it all as we come to an end on this journey through phone jokes.

These jokes have demonstrated the lighter side of our obsession with technology and served as a gentle reminder that, even in the digital era, laughing really is the best therapy.

To spread the fun and create shared laughs, we want you to tell these jokes about phones to everyone.

Happy laughing!