153 Hilarious Money Jokes to Put a Smile on Your Face
As money brings smile on your face, the same goes for money jokes. Everybody is trying hard to earn and gather more and more money. Stop this battle for a few moments. Take a brief break. Enjoy yourself and your dudes with a few money jokes.
It is hard to earn money and to save money is even harder. So to amuse yourself you can read and share quality jokes about money.
Instead of increasing your bank balance blindly, spend time with your friends and family. Monotonous routine life has made your life dull.
You can color your life with these jokes. We gathered these jokes for your refreshments after a hell of a struggle. We hope you will enjoy it. Please have a look!
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Table of Contents
Best Money Jokes
Money is no joke, dude. Still, there are many best money jokes. These jokes can help you relieve your stress and depression regarding money. Don’t be envious of your wealthy relatives and enjoy these jokes.
I need a new bank account. This one has run out of money.
My daughter wants to be really scary this Halloween so instead of a costume, she is going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.
Having teenagers is just paying for a bunch of dates that you don’t get to go on.
You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there’s no real difference between me and George Clooney.
How can you be sure you have counterfeit money?
If it’s a three-dollar bill, you can be sure.
Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.
I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn’t bother to report it because the thief spends less than me.
A girl asks her mother “How old are you?” Her mother replied “Older than most mortgages.”
If time is money are ATM’s time machines?
I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.
Why shouldn’t you ask for money from the leprechauns?
It’s because they can never help. They are always a little short.
Why was the student eating his dollar bill?
It’s because his mother told her that it was for lunch.
Why did the one student swallow all her pennies?
It’s because the teacher told her that she needed more cents.
What did the Dollars name their daughter?
They named her Penny.
What’s the similarity between a dollar and the moon?
It’s that both of them have 4 quarters.
What would a stockbroker say to another stockbroker when they wanted the other person to stop talking?
They’d probably say, “Put a stock in it”.
If money really did grow on trees, what would be everyone’s favorite season? Fall.
Uber lost over a billion dollars in the last six months so they’re asking their drivers to check between the seat cushions.
My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is. I told him, “My door is always open”.
What’s the best part about Valentine’s Day?
The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.
The stock market is weird. Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they’re smart.
What did the dollar name its daughter?
Penny.
How much money does a skunk have?
One scent.
How is the moon like a dollar?
They both have four quarters.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In snow-banks.
Where do frogs deposit their money?
In a river-bank.
Funny Money Jokes
Money provides you with multiple opportunities to have fun. You can enjoy visits and outings with your loved ones. In the same way, funny money jokes can let you smile and enjoy yourself.
College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you or they’ll send your kid back.
I remember being in so much debt that I couldn’t afford my electricity bills, it was a dark time.
There’s nothing I’ve learned from being a parent that I couldn’t just as easily have figured out from setting all my money on fire.
What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire?
A very witch person.
Why is money called dough?
Because we all knead it.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash!
If you want to get rich, why should you keep your mouth shut?
Because silence is golden.
What’s the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak?
February 14th.
Why do I keep paying the bills?
It just encourages them to send more.
How can you get rich by eating?
Eat fortune cookies.
Where do penguins keep their money?
In snowbanks.
Nothing says’ I love my dog’ quite like spending more money on his haircut than you do your own
I am going to qualify for free shipping no matter how much it costs.
Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.
Is everything expensive or I’m just broke all the time?
I am currently boycotting the companies that sell items I can’t afford.
I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.
Why wasn’t the dead woman living well?
It’s because she was dead broke.
Why didn’t the man report it to the police when his credit card got stolen?
Because the kind thief was spending less than the man.
How much money would you be left with if you win $5 million on the lottery and decide to donate a quarter of that to charity?
You’ll still have $4,999,999.75.
What ad did the safe company display on their billboard?
“If your things get stolen, well it’s not our vault.”
How did the dinosaur pay his bill at the restaurant?
With Tyrannosaurus checks!
What did the man say when his landlord told him that he’d come to talk to him about his high heating bill?
The man told him, “Sure, my door’s always open.”
Where did the frog put his money?
It’s in the river bank.
When does it start raining money?
When there’s a change in the weather.
What would you call it if you crossed a millionaire with a sorceress?
Ms Richie Witch.
Hilarious Money Jokes
There are numerous hilarious money jokes in the market these days. However, we made a list of refreshing and latest money jokes for our lovely and lively readers in this blog post.
I don’t mean to brag but I’m helping a Nigerian Prince with a pretty serious financial matter. I can’t really talk about it.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
What did the duck say after he went shopping? Put it on my bill!
What type of money do crabs use? Sand dollars!
What do you call it when you lend money to a bison? Buff-a-loan!
Personal financing is very…INTERESTing
If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.
Borrow money from pessimists, they don’t expect it back.
What’s the best way to get in touch with your long-lost relatives? Win the lottery.
I now know why I used to love Christmas as a child. I did not have to pay for the gifts!
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” said the IRS auditor.
Why is money also called dough? Well, because every person kneads it.
Why did the woman put her money in her freezer?
Because she wanted some cold hard cash.
If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of credit card payments.
I let my kids follow their dreams, unless I already paid the registration fee on their last dream, then they follow that for 6-8 more weeks.
Up until I bought this bag of chips I thought the air was free.
Why do people say that if we want to get rich, we should keep our mouths shut?
Probably because silence is supposed to be gold.
How can you become rich by eating?
You should eat fortune cookies.
Where do polar bears go to keep their money safe?
In snowbanks.
What would a duck say to the cashier after he was done shopping?
He’d probably say, “Put it all on my bill”.
What type of money do crabs pay their bills with?
Sand dollars.
What would you call it if you lend some money to a bison?
I’d call it Buff-a-loan.
Why did the robbers take a bath before they were going to steal from the bank?
Because they wanted to make clean getaway.
What was the football coach yelling to the vending machine that ate his money?
He was saying “give me my quarterback”.
Knock-Knock Money Jokes
All jokes about money are popular. However, knock-knock money jokes are irreplaceable. Check our provided list of these jokes, and we bet you won’t stop laughing and sharing these with your buddies.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Nicholas
Nicholas who?
Nicholas half as much as a dime.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
You’re nuts.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Hanover.
Hanover who?
Hanover your money.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Iowa.
Iowa who?
Iowa you a dollar.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Yolanda.
Yolanda who?
Yolanda me some money.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Celeste.
Celeste who?
Celeste time I lend you money.
Knock! Knock!
Who is there?
Cash
Cash who?
No thank you, but I’ll take some peanuts if you have any.
Knock! Knock!
Who is there?
Robin.
Robin who?
Robin’ you. Hand over all your money.
Knock! Knock!
Who is there?
Nicholas.
Nicholas who?
A Nicholas not much valued these days.
Knock! Knock!
Who is there?
Bellows.
Bellows who?
Bellows me money. Is he here?
Knock! Knock!
Who is there?
Cash.
Cash who?
Cash me if you can.
Knock! Knock!
Who is there?
Celeste.
Celeste who?
Celeste time I’ll be lending you money.
Knock! Knock!
Who is there?
Hanover.
Hanover who?
Hanover all your money.
Knock! Knock!
Who is there?
Iowa.
Iowa who?
Iowa you some money.
Knock! Knock!
Who is there?
Ivana.
Ivana who?
Ivana be real rich.
Knock! Knock!
Who is there?
Yolande.
Yolande who?
Yolande me some money, I’ll pay you back tomorrow.
Money Jokes One Liners
The majority of people love to speak and hear briefly. Everyone is busy with daily affairs, so no one has ample time for lengthy dialogues. In this scenario, money jokes one-liners are the best jokes for your recreation and amusement.
Where does Dracula keep his money?
In a blood bank.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
Where do fish keep their money?
In a river-bank.
How do dinosaurs pay their bills?
With Tyrannosaurus checks.
Where can you always find money?
In the dictionary.
Why did the robber take a bath before he stole from the bank?
He wanted to make a clean getaway.
What did the duck say after he went shopping?
Put it on my bill.
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarterback.
What has a hundred heads and a hundred tails?
One hundred pennies.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
Because they’re always a little short.
Why did the student eat his dollar bill?
His mother told him it was for lunch.
Why did the student swallow all his pennies?
The teacher said he needed more sense.
What did one penny say to the other penny?
Let’s get together and make some cents.
What is brown and has a head and a tail, but no legs?
A penny.
When does it rain money?
When there is “change” in the weather.
Why don’t cows have any money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
How much money did the skunk have?
It only had one scent.
What did the penny say to its friend, the other penny?
It said, “Let’s meet and make some cents”.
Why didn’t the cows have any money?
It’s because the farmers usually milk them dry.
Where does Dracula store his money?
Probably in the blood bank.
Where will you always find money?
In a dictionary.
Saving Money Jokes
Save money is the hardest thing to do for many people. It is not a joke to save it. Still, people make multiple saving money jokes. We made a list of several such jokes for your happiness and gratification.
What horror villain is best at saving money?
Pennywise.
Saving money is easy. I’m working on my second million right now.
Gave up on the first million a long time ago.
Jewish guy runs home from work, panting and trying to catch his breath.
He plops down at the kitchen table, where his wife was cooking dinner.
Wife asks, “What happened Motek? Why are you so exhausted?”
Guy says with a huge smile, “Chooki, instead of taking the bus home from work today, I ran all the way behind it and saved $2.50!”
He was extremely proud of himself and thought his wife would be happy with him for saving money.
Instead his wife screams, ” Ben-zona! Why didn’t you run behind a taxi, and save $15?!”
Dear Airlines:
Dump the male flight Attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.
Replace all the female flight attendants with YOUNG good-looking strippers! What the hell!! They don’t even serve food anymore, so what’s the loss?
The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a “party atmosphere” going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women. Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn’t need a salary, thus saving money while the flight attendants jobs would be better paying than ever before.
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues. We would not have any need for Air Marshalls, the TSA, etc. This would make flying easier and safer again and would save even more money.
This is definitely a win — win situation if we handle it right — a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.
Why didn’t Bush or Obama think of this?
Why do I still have to do everything myself?
Sincerely,
Donald Trump
Saving money
As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex the husband puts his pocket change into an old school china piggy bank on the bedside table.
One night while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the piggy bank onto the floor where it smashes. r>
To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten dollar bills.
He asks his wife “What’s up with all the notes?”, to his wife which replies, “Well, not everyone is as cheap as you are.”
You may think you’re saving money at a self-serve gas station
You’re only fueling yourself.
Mike is leaving his apartment to go to a club.
As he’s leaving, he sees his neighbor Frank. The two are about the same age, but barely know each other. In fact, Mike doesn’t even like looking at Frank because he’s ugly as sin, not to mention he always smells like a wet dog. And so he waits a few minutes before leaving so he doesn’t have to interact with Frank. After a few minutes, Mike leaves and heads off to the club. Once there, he spots Frank with not one, but two very attractive women. He shakes his head in disbelief and spends the reset of the night drinking and flirting with women, only to strike out each time. Hours later, Mike gives up and heads home to sleep.
The next morning, Mike leaves his apartment to retrieve his newspaper, only to see the very same two women leaving Frank’s apartment. “This is unbelievable…” He mutters. After they leave, Mike knocks on Frank’s door, and he answers. “Frank, I know we don’t talk much, but I have to know: How the hell does a guy like you go home with two beautiful women?” Frank smiles and says “It’s my cologne. It contains pheromones that are guaranteed to attract women.” “No kidding.” Mike says. “Could I get some of that? Frank nods. “Sure. But this is very valuable stuff. It’s gonna cost you $2000 for a bottle.” Mike is reluctant at first, as he had been saving money for a new car, but he figures it would be with it and agrees.
Later that day, Mike decides to go to the club again while wearing the cologne he bought. On his way out, he runs into his other neighbor Phil. Phil says to Mike “Why do you smell like a wet dog?” Mike says “It must be the cologne I bought from Frank.” “It must have been awfully cheap then.” Phil Replies. Mike tells him “No. In fact, it cost me $2000.”
“$2000? No wonder he’s able to afford the best escorts in town.”
There is a terrible head-on collision on a winding Russian road
Both cars, a brand new Mercedes and an old Zhiguli, are absolutely totaled, but fortunately both drivers are relatively unscathed.
The owner of the Mercedes looks sadly at the wreckage and moans, “My brand new car! I was saving money all year to buy it, and here it is, destroyed barely a month later.”
The owner of the Zhiguli nods sadly and sighs, “Yeah. I had to save money for 15 years to buy mine.”
Money Jokes Quotes
There are many quotations about money. Some people make money too seriously, while others make fun of such people. So society is full of money jokes quotes. After an entire effort and struggle, we made a collection of many money jokes. Kindly take a look!
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams
“Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game.” – Donald Trump
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
“Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.” – Jerry Seinfeld
“Money is the best deodorant.” – Elizabeth Taylor
“It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green.” – Family Guy
“Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it.” – William Somerset Maugham
“Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.” – Helen Gurley Brown
“Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.” – Woody Allen
“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
Money Jokes and Puns
Puns always prove to be a laughing stock for others. When we talk about money jokes and puns, the situation becomes double exciting and enjoyable. Check these puns and comfort yourself with a smiling face.
There was once a woman, who was a sorceress and also a millionaire. She was Richie Witch.
Money is also called ‘dough’ because we all knead it.
You should never carry two 50 cent coins in your pocket. Two halves always make a hole, and if that happens, you could lose your money.
When one penny made a funny joke regarding money, the other penny laughter and said, “Money jokes are priceless.”
If ever a huge bull charges you, don’t panic. Stay calm and pay whatever it wants.
Never lend money to an American football player. Sometimes they give you a quarterback and sometimes a half back.
People say wallets make a lot of noise. It’s because money talks.
One day, a penny met with another penny and said, “Hello, I’m 5 cents.” The other penny exclaimed, “Hi, I’m 5 cents too. What a coin-cidence.”
Cats and pennies are very similar. They both have a tail on one side and head on the other.
In our local coffee shop, there’s a writing on the tip-jar: “Are you afraid of change? Then leave it here.”
I was walking outside when I saw a sign that read ‘Watch for children’. Upon reading I thought to myself, “That sounds like one fair trade”.
The dead man was not living well in the afterlife. He was dead broke.
Two pennies met after a long time. So, one penny said to the other penny, “Let’s get together and make some cents”.
One day the duck went shopping. After choosing a lot of stuff at the cash register, he said to the guy, “Put it on my bill”.
A woman decided to go outdoors with her purse open because she expected some change in the weather.
The dollar had a baby daughter. He named her ‘Penny’.
There’s a big safe company billboard ad in our area. It reads “If your stuff gets stolen, it’s not really our vault.”
A football coach was shouting at a broken vending machine when it took his money. He demanded, “Give me my quarterback”.
Final Thoughts on Money Jokes
After going through multiple money jokes, now you can cheer up your friends and family members with these jokes.
If you are too busy, you can forward these jokes to them using different apps. However, if you love to spend time with your loved ones, then take a break from your official activities and enjoy these money jokes with them.
When you smile, you enjoy. All your mental and physical functions improve. You can boost your energies. However, when you smile with your close ones, your enjoyment becomes double and even triple.
Do not take these money jokes as trifle and unimportant. They can minimize the distances among family members.
After hearing these jokes, don’t start making money as a joke. Make money seriously and also enjoy jokes about money.
Amuse yourself with these up-to-date jokes, and do not forget to drop your reviews in the comment box. Have friendly, money jokes!
