150 Hilarious Little Johnny Jokes to Make You Laugh

Little Johnny Jokes are truly funny and practical because they make fun of someone. ‘Little Johnny’ is a cartoon character based on a little boy known for his straightforward jokes. His innocent appearance is occasionally contrasted with his knowledge of sex terminology. Most of his jokes involve a female counterpart.

Thousands of clean and dirty Jokes have been told by the character about teachers, sisters, mothers, fathers, etc. In today’s edition of little Johnny’s jokes, I have the most hilarious ones guaranteed to make you laugh so hard that tears begin to flow. 

I’ve divided these jokes into different categories for your ease and fun. Let’s explore the different categories of jokes about little Johnny!

You May Also Be Interested In:

• blonde jokes
• karen jokes
• name jokes

Best Little Johnny Jokes

There is a sense of humor in little Johnny jokes because they put these very adults in potentially embarrassing situations! Let’s have a look at the list of the best little Johnny jokes!

Mother: “Johnny, how far have you gotten with your work?”
Little Johnny: “Well, about six miles.”

 
Daisy: “Why do you have two different colored socks on? One’s blue, but the other is green.”
Little Johnny: “I’m not sure. It’s weird. There was another pair exactly like this one at home.”

 
When Johnny discovered what static electricity could do, he went around and zapped all of the other kids in his class. What did his mother do? She grounded him.

 
Little Johnny decided to dress up as a pirate for Halloween.
When he went trick-or-treating, one of the adults asked him, “Where are your buccaneers?”
Johnny whispered, “They’re under my buckin’ eye patch.”
 

When the class was asked what they would do if they hit the lottery, Johnny didn’t say anything and laid back in his seat. He said that if he hit the lottery, then he would have a secretary to answer the question.

 
Johnny tried to buy a toy car with monopoly money at the store.
The cashier said, “There’s no way I can take this. It’s fake.”
Johnny said, “Well, the car’s not real either.”


Johnny asked his mother for his allowance a few days early. She said no, but he said that he’d tell her what their cleaning lady said to his father when she was gone. His mother handed him the money.
Johnny said, “All dad said was, ‘Make sure you wash my underwear, too.’”


Little Johnny asked his grandpa to croak like a frog. He did it and asked why Johnny wanted to hear him croak.
Johnny said, “Mommy said that we’ll be loaded when you croak.”

 
Little Johnny and his class were talking about the word “definitely.”
When asked to put it in a sentence, his classmates were pretty successful in doing so.
Johnny spoke up, asking “Are farts solid?”
Everyone laughed and said no.
He chuckled, saying, “Then I definitely pooped my pants.”

 
Johnny got caught digging a hole in his yard.
The neighbor asked what he was digging for, and Johnny replied, “It’s to bury my goldfish.”
The hole was pretty big, so the neighbor was confused. He asked why Johnny was digging such a deep hole.
Johnny said, “It had to be! My goldfish is inside of your cat.”

 
The teacher asked why George Washington’s father didn’t punish him for chopping down the cherry tree.
Little Johnny said, “Easy. Because the ax was in George’s hands.”

 
During art class, Little Johnny decided to draw God.
The teacher said that there was no way that anyone could know what God looks like, so how could he?
Johnny said, “You’ll know what he looks like in a few minutes.”

 
During parent-teacher conferences, the teachers asked the students what their parents did.
Little Johnny said that his father is a magician.
The teacher asked what his favorite magic trick is.
Johnny said, “Well, he likes to cut people in half. I have two half-siblings.”


The teacher decided to teach the children in her class how to count.
When it was Johnny’s turn, the teacher asked what came after the number ten.
Johnny replied, “That’s easy. A Jack.”

 
Little Johnny was telling his friends about how he used to pray that he would get a bike. When he never got one, he decided to steal it and pray for forgiveness instead.

 
Little Johnny was asked to use the pronoun “I” in a sentence.
Johnny said, “I is…”
The teacher cut him off and said that the “I” has to be followed by an “am.”
Johnny continued, “All right. I am the ninth letter.”

 
One day, Little Johnny told his parents that he was ready to live alone.
They were very proud of him and supportive, until Johnny said, “Great, I left your luggage next to the front door. See ya!”

Funny Little Johnny Jokes

There is something enjoyable about a good joke for everyone. When it comes to little Johnny jokes, Johnny is always getting picked on by other people. Have a look at the funny little johnny jokes!

Little Johnny’s neighbour just had a baby. Sadly, the baby was born without any ears.
When the mum and baby came back home from the hospital, Johnny’s family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny’s dad had a chat with him and explained how the baby had no ears.
Johnnys dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby’s missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the hiding of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnny told his dad he understood and agreed not to mention the baby’s lack of ears.
Johnny looks in the basonet and says “Wow, what a beautiful baby.” The mother replies, ‘Why, Thanks Johnny.” Johnny says: “He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Is he able to see alright?”
“Yes”, says the mum, “we are so grateful, the Doctor said he will have perfect vision.”
“That is great”, says Little Johnny, “cause he’d be stuffed if he needed glasses!”


Little Johnny’s teacher says to him, “Johnny! your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister’s!”
Did you just copy hers? She asks.
Johnny says, “No, teacher, it is the same dog!”

 
Little Johnny was in bible study one morning. Sally was sleeping in front of johnny.
The teacher asks Sally who our Lord and savior was. Little Johnny pokes her in the ass with a pin and she yells “Jesus Christ!” And falls back to sleep.
A little while later the teacher asks Sally who created our world. Johnny poked her in the ass again with a pin and she screams “my god!” And falls back to sleep.
Later the teacher asks Sally what Eve said to Adam after they had their fourth child. Johnny pokes her in the ass with the pin again and Sally screams “if you stick that thing in me one more time I’m gonna break it!” The teacher faints.

 
Little Johnny’s class was learning vocabulary in Health class, thanks in large part to Johnny’s use of obscene words. The teacher was going down the list, asking students to use the words in a sentence.
“Rectum,” she said, and Johnny eagerly waved his hand, but she had some experience with Johnny, so she called on Susie instead.
The next word was “defecate,” and again, she thought it best not to call on Johnny despite his enthusiastically raised hand.
Finally, she came to “urinate,” and figured Johnny couldn’t do much harm with that one. Sure enough, he raised his hand, practically leaping out of his desk to make sure she saw him. “Ok, fine, Johnny,” she said reluctantly.
“Urinate,” Johnny said. “Teacher, urinate. But if your boobs were bigger, you’d be a 9.”

 
Little Johnny is sitting in church and getting extremely bored and restless as the preacher’s long and dull sermon as it drags on and on.
Not able to take it anymore, he leans over to his dad and whispers in his ear, “Hey, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?”


Little Johnny was struggling with his school grades. One day he surprises his teacher with an announcement.
He walks up to her and says, “I don’t want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don’t start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!”


During English class the teacher asks Little Johnny “have you ever heard of the word contagious before?”
“of course miss” Johnny replies “my father actually said it when we were talking yesterday”.
“Can you repeat it for the class and tell us how he used it in a sentence?”
“Yes, miss. We were watching the neighbour take his garbage out when his bin tipped over spilling rubbish all over the driveway, dad said ‘it’s going to take the contagious to pick all that up’.”

 
Teacher: “Does anybody know what we call a person who keeps talking when nobody else is interested?”
Little Johnny: “A teacher miss.”

 
Teacher: “Little Johnny, how do you spell “elephant”?”
Little Johnny: “E-L-E-F-A-N-T”
Teacher: “No Johnny, that in incorrect.”
Johnny: “Maybe it is wrong Miss but you asked how I spell it.”

 
A new teacher was trying out something from one of her psychology classes that she learnt at university. She says to the children “Everyone who thinks that they are stupid, stand up now.”
After a little while Johnny stands up.
The teacher asks him “why did you stand up Johnny? Do you really think you are stupid?”
Johnny replies “No Miss, but I hated seeing you standing there all by yourself”.


Johnny: “Dad, have you ever been to Egypt?”
Dad: “No son, why do you ask?”
Johnny: “Well where did you find our mummy?”

 
Little Johnny’s teacher is doing her rounds at lunchtime when she sees little Johnny pulling faces at another child. She starts to talk sternly to Little Johnny and says “Johnny, when I was a young girl I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way.”
Little Johnny looks up to her and says “Well miss, you can’t say that you weren’t warned.”

 
Teacher: “Now class, stop acting silly and start behaving, god is everywhere you know.”
Bobby: “Is god in this classroom right now?”
Teacher: “Yes, Bobby.”
Jenny: “Is god outside in the playground?”
Teacher: “Yes Jenny.”
Johnny: “Is god in my back garden?”
Teacher: “Yes Johnny.”
Johnny: “But I don’t have a back garden miss.”

 
Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face and he asks her “why are you rubbing that stuff on your face mother?”
His mother replies “to make myself beautiful Johnny.”
A few minutes later she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. Johnny says to her “What is the matter? Are you giving up?”

 
Little Johnny returns from the supermarket with his mother. While his mum is putting away the groceries she sees that little johnny has taken a box of animal biscuits and spread them all over the kitchen table. His mother asks “What on earth are you doing Johnny?”
Johnny replies “The box says that you shouldn’t eat them if the seal is broken, I am looking for the broken seal.”

 
Teacher: “Little Johnny, you are late to class again.”
Johnny: “But miss, you said that it is never too late to learn.”


Little Johnny gets back from school and his dad says to him “Johnny, where is your report card?”
Johnny replies “sorry dad, I don’t have it”. His father is furious and says “why not?”
Johnny replies “I lent it to my friend, he wanted to scare his parents.”


Little Johnny is back at school after holidays. After a few days his teacher calls up Little Johnny’s dad to report that Johnny has been behaving badly at school.
His dad says to the teacher “Hang on a minute, I had Johnny at home with me for 2 months and I never phoned you once when he misbehaved.”

Hilarious Little Johnny Jokes

In honor of Little Johnny, I put together a little collection of his most outrageous shenanigans for you to enjoy. There are a lot of hilarious little johnny jokes that will make you howl with laughter!

Little Johnny walks a cow through the village square.
The mayor sees him and asks, “Hey Johnny, where are you going with the cow?”
“I’m taking her to the bulls so she would get pregnant,” answers Johnny.
The mayor is shocked, “Surely your father had better be doing that?”
Little Johnny thinks about it for a bit and shakes his head, “Nah, I think it’s really best left with the bulls.”


Miss Taylor the English teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the board: “I didn’t had no fun for months.” Then she faces the class and says, “OK class, how should this be corrected?”
Little Johnny says, “I think you should get yourself a better man!”


I asked little Johnny, ‘What would you like for your birthday?’
He said, ‘Tampons please.’
I said, ‘Tampons!? Why do you want tampons for your birthday!?’
He replied, ‘I saw a great TV ad. With a tampon you can go swimming, biking and skiing.’


Little Johnny was sent back to bed for the tenth time that evening and his mommy is not amused.
She says, “Johnny, if I hear one more time ‘Mommy, I want this, mommy, I want that’, you will be in big trouble! I don’t want to hear the word mommy again tonight. Now off to bed you go!”
There’s a short pause, after which Johnny says hesitantly, “Mrs Lambden, I want a glass of water, please.”


Little Johnny is making faces at school.
The teacher catches him at it and says, “You know when I was little and made faces, my dad told me a secret. And that is that when you keep making faces, your face finally can’t go back and you end up really ugly.”
Little Johnny quiets and says, “Well, at least you were warned…”


Teacher: “If you had two dollars and you asked your daddy for another dollar, how many dollars would you have in the end?”
Without hesitation, Johnny answers, “Two dollars.”
Teacher isn’t happy, “Come on, Johnny, you don’t know how to count.”
Johnny shrugs, “Maybe, but I do know my dad!”


Teacher asks his class one day, “What would you like to be when you grow up?”
Johnny answers first, saying, “I will follow in my father’s footsteps and become a policeman.”
Teacher raises his eyebrows, “Johnny, I didn’t know your father is a policeman.”
“Well, he isn’t,” explains Johnny. “He’s a burglar.”


During an English lesson, the teacher asks, “Can anyone give me an example for the word ‘COINCIDENCE’?”
Little Johnny volunteers, “Sir, my mum and dad were married on the same day.”


Little Johnny comes proudly to his mom: “Mom, I’ve got a great idea for an invention!”
Mom: “Cool, tell me.”
Johnny: “It’s a computerized hair-cutting machine. You put your head in a cube and the scissors cut whatever hairstyle you wish.”
Mom: “But how would that work, Johnny? People have all sorts of different head shapes and sizes!”
Johnny: “Only before, mom. Only before!”


Teacher: Tell us, Johnny, where is your father staying on business?
Johnny: In Vishakhapatnam.
Teacher: How interesting. And now tell us all how it is spelled.
Johnny: Oh, I just remembered he got reposted to Goa.


Mother, “English teacher asks class: “Which tense is the sentence ‘I AM BEAUTIFUL’?”
Little Johnny replies, “Clearly, past tense.””


Little Johnny goes to the zoo with his mom.
Johnny: “Mom, look, there’s a finger in the shark tank! Mom? Mooooom???!!!”


The class is having a guessing game and the teacher asks, “OK, what do you call someone who keeps on talking even though nobody else is interested anymore?”
Little Johnny shouts eagerly, “A teacher!”


Little Johnny comes home and his father sighs, “Alright, boy, out with your report card.”
Johnny says, “I don’t have it, dad.”
“What? Why not?” asks his father.
“I borrowed it to my friend. He wanted to freak out his parents.”


Little Johnny to his mom: “I shot 4 goals at the soccer match today!”
Mom: “Wonderful, looks like your team won, right?”
Little Johnny: “Not really, we played 2:2.”


Little Johnny plays “shoot the apple from the head” with his friends.
The first shot lands directly in his eye. “Ooowww man, you got me right in the eye!” he complains to his friend.
But the other friend also wants a go and persuades Johnny that he is a much better shot.
But bingo, the second shot gets Johnny in the other eye.


Johnny gives up: “Well I’ve had it with this game, I’m going home.
Mom said I should come back once it gets dark anyway.”


Little Johnny was late for school. The teacher asked him why, and Little Johnny explained it was because he met a man who had lost his wallet on the street.
“Ah,” nodded the teacher, “you were helping him find it!”
“Um, not really,” said Johnny, “but I had to keep standing on it until he would give up and go away.”


Teacher asks, “Who can tell me the chemical formula for water?”
Little Johnny pipes up, “HIJKLMNO”!
The teacher is puzzled, “What on Earth are you talking about, Johnny?”
Little Johnny looks hurt, “But sir, you yourself said yesterday that it’s H to O!”


History teacher asks Little Johnny: Where was the French – English peace treaty from 1800 signed?
Little Johnny: “Bottom right corner.”


The class was told to paint a picture of cows grazing in a meadow.
Soon, Little Johnny lifts a hand that he’s finished and shows the teacher a blank sheet of paper.
“But Johnny, you didn’t paint anything on it?” says the teacher.
“Well, the cows have eaten all the grass and since there was no grass left, they just went away.” 


Little Johnny peeks through the keyhole of his parents’ bedroom one night.
He stares for a minute and then, thoroughly disgusted, shakes his head, “And these people tell me I shouldn’t pick my nose?!”


A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”
Steven raises his hand and says, “He’s in Heaven.”
Mary answers, “He’s in my heart.”
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, “He’s in our bathroom!”
The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
“Well,” Little Johnny says, “every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells ‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'”


A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell.
First up was Mary. “My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper.”
“A paratrooper?” Asked the teacher, who was awed.
“Yes, please look closer — you can see his jump badge.”
Second was Joe. “My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor.”
“A doctor?” Asked the teacher, who was moved.
“Yeah, see? That’s a stethoscope hanging around her neck.”
Third was little Johnny, “This is my great grandpa. He was an electrician.”
“An electrician?” Asked the teacher, who was perplexed.
“Yeah, here. You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmet”


“Hey, Mom,” asked Johnny “Can you give me twenty dollars?”
“Certainly not.”
“If you do,” he went on, “I’ll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop.”
His mother’s ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. “Well? What did he say?”
“He said, ‘Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.’ “


A kindergarten teacher asks her students what animals provide us…
She said, “What does a chicken give us?” and the students replied, “Eggs”.
She then asked, “What does a pig give us?” and the students replied a joyous “Bacon”.
Finally she asked “What does a cow give us?” and before anyone could answer little Johnny said “Homework”.


Little Johnny and a little girl are playing.
Little Johnny pulls down his shorts and says, “I have one of these and you don’t.”
The little girl starts crying and crying and runs home to her mother.
The next day Little Johnny and the girl are playing together again.
Once again Little Johnny points to his private parts and says, “I have one of these and you don’t.”
But this time the little girl just keeps on playing.
“How come you’re not crying today,” asks Little Johnny.
“My mother told me,” says the little girl, pulling up her dress, “that with one of these, I can get as many of those as I want.”


Little Johnny skipped school one day…
and since his house was next to his school, the teacher decided to visit Little Johnny’s parents the next day after school, but his granddad was the only adult home.
When he saw the teacher coming he said “Johnny! Your teacher is coming, hide and I will say you aren’t here.
“No,” Little Johnny replied “you go hide. I told the teacher that I went to your funeral.”


A teacher asks Little Johnny what he wants to be when he grows up.
“I want to be a detective and follow in my father’s footsteps,” says Johnny.
“That’s very admirable of you,” says the teacher. “I didn’t even know your father was a detective.”
“He’s not,” says Johnny. “He’s a jewel thief.”


The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students.
Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, “Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?”
“I’m in love.” the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, “With whom?”
“With you!” he said.
“But Johnny,” she said gently, “don’t you see how silly that is? It’s true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don’t want a child.”
“Oh, don’t worry,” the boy said reassuringly, “I’ll use a condom!”


One, day little Johnny asks his father,
“Daddy where do I come from?”
The mother and father, had been preparing for this, for a very long time.
“Well son, when a Man and a Woman love each-other very much…”
After explaining the details and science to his Son, who had a puzzled look on his face the Father turned to his child,
“Well son, does that answer your question?”
“Not really Susan from school told me she came from Italy.”


A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: “What do you want to be when you
grow up?”
Little Johnny says: “I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest Prostitute, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane.”
The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. “And how about you, Sarah?”
“I wanna be Johnny’s Prostitute.”


Teacher: “Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”
Michael: ‘Just a minute I have to go pee.’
Teacher: ‘That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?’
Sherman: ‘I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.’
Teacher: ‘That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?’
Johnny: ‘I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.’


Little Johnny is walking down the street and sees a construction site building new houses
He has a look at what’s going on and he’s amazed and in awe of it all. He rushes home as fast as he can.
He runs in and shouts ”Dad, dad, can we play builders?”
His dad says ”Sure Johnny”
Johnny runs to the top of the stairs and shouts ”Oi, get them bricks up here now you cunt”


Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?”
“No,” says his mom, “of course not.”
Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends, “It’s okay, we can play that game again!”


A teacher asks her class to use the word ‘contagious’ in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, “Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious.”
“Very good,” says the teacher. “Would anyone else like to try?”
Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.
“Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.


In the class the teacher said: “the first person to answer my question will go home early”.
Little Johnny threw his bag outside.
Teacher asked: “Whose bag is that???”
Johnny answered: “It’s mine….
bye bye!”


The teacher came up to Johnny’s desk and asked can you tell me what separates you from a monkey.
Johnny said with confidence “the desk”.


Teacher: “Anyone who thinks he’s stupid may stand up!”
Nobody stands up.
Teacher: “I’m sure there are some stupid students over here!!”
Little Johnny stands up.
Teacher: “Ohh, Johnny you think you’re stupid?”
Little Johnny: “No… I just feel bad that you’re standing alone…”


The teacher was explaining all of the different punctuation marks.
She listed the comma, question mark and when she got to period; Little Johnny raised his hand.
He asked: Why are periods so important?
The teacher responded: Well, they are a fundamental part of the written language; why do you ask?
Little Johnny replied: Yesterday my sister said she missed a period and my Mom fainted, my Dad started yelling and the next door neighbor shot himself.

Short Little Johnny Jokes

Take a look at the list of short little Johnny jokes I have found for you. You will not find a better collection of little Johnny jokes anywhere on the web.

Little Johnny complains to mom at home, “Mom, our teacher really doesn’t know anything. He keeps asking us!”
“And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?” asks mother.


Why was Little Johnny crying?
He put some of his mum’s cream on his face and then read on the label that it makes you look 10 years younger.


Teacher: “Why are you praying in class little Johnny?”
Little Johnny: “My mom taught me to always pray before going to sleep.”


Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry?
Because I helped her. – But that is a good thing!
What did you help her with?
I helped her eat her gummy bears.


At school: Johnny, where’s your homework?
Johnny: I’m very sorry, I don’t have it here.
Teacher: How come?
Johnny: I ate my exercise books.
Teacher: What?! Why would you do such a thing?!
Johnny: The dog refused to.


Little Johnny asks the teacher, “Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven’t done?”
Mrs Roberts is shocked, “Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair!”
Little Johnny is relieved, “OK Mrs Roberts, sorry, I haven’t done my homework.”


Little Johnny asks his mum, “Mum, do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time in a faraway land’?”
“No darling,” says his mother, somewhat distressed, “Sometimes, they can begin with ‘I’ve got too much work in the office tonight, I’ll come home later’.”


Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, “Dad, tomorrow there’s a special ‘Adults’ evening’ at school.
Daddy is surprised, “Really? Special?”
“Yes,” nods Johnny, “it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers.”


Teacher: “Are you even paying attention, Johnny? Come, tell us at least two pronouns, right now!”
Little Johnny: “Who, me?” Teacher: “Wow who knew, very well done.”


Teacher tells little Johnny off, “You know very well you can’t sleep in my class, Johnny.”
Johnny admits, “Yes, I know miss. But maybe, if you didn’t speak quite so loud, I could.”


Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!”
Johnny: “Oh mom, do you realize what you just said?”


Teacher: It’s the fourth time you’re late for school this week Johnny! Do you know what that means?!
Little Johnny: That it’s Thursday, Miss Bramwell.


After Sunday school, the teacher released the kids to go to church and reminded them, “You all know to be very nice and quiet in the church. And why is that?”
Little Johnny offers, “Miss, it’s so we wouldn’t wake all those people sleeping.”


Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, “Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?”
Little Johnny smiles proudly, “No Miss, there’s no need, my mom cooks really well.”


A teacher in Sunday school once asked Little Johnny, “Johnny, do you believe in the Devil?”
“No,” said Little Johnny knowledgeably. “It’s just like with Santa Claus. I know it’s really my dad.”

Clean Little Johnny Jokes

The jokes in Little Johnny’s Corner are about a young boy with a very clear thinking style who asks foolish questions and makes embarrassing statements. Let’s find out the clean little johnny jokes!

One day Jimmy got home early from school.
His elder sister asked, “Why are you home so early?”
He answered, “Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class.”
She said, “Wow, my brother is a genius. What was the question?”
Jimmy replied, “The question was ‘Who threw the trash can at the principal’s head?’”


“Johnny, where’s your homework?” Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand.
“My dog ate it,” was his solemn response.
“Johnny, I’ve been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?”
“It’s true, Miss Martin, I swear,” insisted Johnny. “I covered it with peanut butter and he woofed it down.”


There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market.  The owner didn’t know what Johnny’s problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him.
They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel.  To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel – they said, because it was bigger.
One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you.  They think you don’t know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it’s bigger, or what?”
Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20!


Little Johnny is at Toys R Us looking for a new toy to buy. He finally finds a toy car he really likes and decides to buy it. He goes up to the cashier to pay for the toy car and offers fake Monopoly money.
The cashier says to Little Johnny, “are you dumb? this is not real money.”
Little Johnny responds, “You’re stupid, neither is the car…”


A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for little Johnny.
The teacher asked little Johnny why he has decided to be different… again.
Little Johnny said, “Because I’m not an Obama fan.”
The teacher asked, “Why aren’t you a fan of Obama?”
Johnny said, “Because I’m a Republican.”
The teacher asked him why he was a Republican.
Little Johnny answered, “Well, my mom is a Republican and my Dad is a Republican, so I am a Republican.” Annoyed by the answer, the teacher asked, “If your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?”
With a big smile, little Johnny replied, “That would make me an Obama fan.”


Little Johnny’s 2nd grade teacher was quizzing them on an alphabet. “Johnny,”
she says, “what comes after ‘O’?”
Johnny says, “Yeah!”


A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers.
Salesman: “Can I see your dad?”
Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.”
Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?”
Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.”
Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?”
Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”


Teacher: “Now Little Johnny, be honest, do you say your prayers every night before dinner?”
Johnny: “No miss, my mother is a really good cook.”


Johnny: “Dad, have you ever been to Egypt?”
Dad: “No son, why do you ask?”
Johnny: “Well where did you find our mummy?”


Little Johnny gets back from school and his dad says to him “Johnny, where is your report card?”
Johnny replies “sorry dad, I don’t have it”.
His father is furious and says “why not?”
Johnny replies “I lent it to my friend, he wanted to scare his parents.”

Dirty Little Johnny Jokes

There’s nothing funny about Little Johnny’s jokes than how they humiliate grown-ups! While he understands sex terminology, he can be naive at other times. Take a look at some of these dirty Little Johnny jokes. 

Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.
She says, “Hello class, I’m Mrs Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an “r” after the first letter.”
The entire class says, “Hello Mrs Prussy.”
A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.
Johnny thinks hard and says to the teacher, “I remember it has an “r” after the first letter.”
“That’s right!” she coaxed.
Then after a few seconds, Little Johnny says, “Mrs Crunt?


My teacher said, “If you think about anything long enough, it gets easier.”
I said, “I don’t know about that Miss.
Last night I was thinking about you for a bit and it just got harder.”


Little Johnny asks, “Mommy, where do babies come from?”
His mother replies, “The stork brings them.”
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, “Then who fucks the stork?”


“Tell me, Johnny” said his teacher, “if your father borrowed $100 and promises to pay $10 a week, how much will he owe in 7 weeks?”
“One hundred dollars,” said Johnny.
“I’m afraid you don’t know your math very well,” said the teacher.
“I may not know my math,” said Johnny, “but I know my father.”


Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
‘I’ve lost five cents,’ sobbed Johnny.
‘Don’t worry,’ said his dad kindly. ‘Here’s five more for you,’.
At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
‘Now what is it?’ asked his dad. ‘I wish I’d said I’d lost ten cents!’

Little Johnny Jokes with Teacher

Following is our collection of funny Little Johnny jokes with teacher. To make you laugh out loud, here are some little johnny teachers jokes no one knows (to tell your friends).

TEACHER: “Johnny, use defeat, deduct, defense, and detail in one sentence.”
JOHNNY: “De-feet of De-duck went over De-fence before De-tail”


While grading essays, the teacher noticed that Little Johnny’s paper about ‘Family Pets’ was the same as his brother’s.
So she asked, “Why did you copy your brother’s homework?”
Little Johnny said, “No, I didn’t! We just have the same pets.”


Little Johnny hated going to church every Sunday.
During this particular sermon, Johnny got so bored that he just wanted to go home.
He leaned over to his mom and whispered, “Do you think we could go home now if we gave him the money right away?”

 
The teacher asked the class how they spell the word “elephant.”
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, “E-L-E-F-A-N-T.”
When the teacher said that it’s wrong, he said, “Well, it may be wrong, but that’s how I spell it.”


The teacher asked the class to stand up if they ever feel stupid.
Johnny groaned before standing. She asked, “So Johnny feels stupid occasionally?”
To which he replied, “No, but it must be hard for you to stand alone.”


Little Johnny’s teacher went to pay his family a home visit.
When Johnny’s grandpa saw her walking over, he told him to hide.
Johnny quickly said, “No way. You need to hide, grandpa. I told her yesterday that I had to go to your funeral.”

 
When asked what he wanted to be when he grew up,
Little Johnny said, “A detective. So that way I can be just like dad.”
The teacher found this surprising because she didn’t know he was a detective.
Johnny said, “Oh no, he’s not a detective. He’s a thief.”
 

Teacher: “How far have you gone with your homework Johnny?”
Little Johnny: “About 8 kilometers miss. I went home with it and came back with it this morning.”


Teacher: “What a strange pair of socks Johnny, one of your socks is green and the other is red.”
Johnny: “Yes, it is very strange. I have another pair at home exactly the same.”


Little Johnny was doing his maths homework. He says out loud, “One plus six, that son of a bitch is seven. Four plus four, that son of a bitch is eight.”
His mum overhears this and is shocked! she says to him, “What are you doing Johnny?”
Johnny replies, “I am just doing my maths homework.”
” And is this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asks. “Yes,” Johnny replies.
The mother is now angry and immediately phones Johnny’s teacher, “What on earth are you teaching my son in class?” she asks.
The teacher replies, “Right now, we are learning mathematical addition.”
The mother asks, “And are you teaching them to say one plus six, that son of a bitch is seven?”
After the teacher stopped laughing hysterically, she answers, “What I taught them to say was, one plus six, the sum of which is seven.”


The teacher was trying to put to use her recent psychology education.
She asked everyone in her class, “Alright, if any of you think you are stupid, please stand up!”
A few seconds pass by and then Little Johnny stands up.
Startled, the teacher says, “Oh, do you think you’re stupid,
Little Johnny?” “No, Miss, but I didn’t want to leave you standing all alone!”


Teacher asks Little Johnny, “Johnny, how old is your father?”
“He’s as old as me,” Johnny informs her.
“Now how would that be possible?” inquires the surprised teacher.
“Well – he became father the day I was born.”

Little Johnny Jokes with Mom and Dad

Here is the list of Little Johnny jokes with Mom and Dad. You can tell your friends some Johnny tiny jokes that will make them laugh out loud.

Little Johnny asks his Dad “What’s between mom’s legs?”
The father answers: “Paradise, my son.”
Little Johnny asks again: “What’s between your legs?”
The father replies: “The key to paradise.”
Little Johnny says: “Piece of advice Dad, change the lock the neighbor has a duplicate key.”


A boy comes home from school one day looking for his father. He has an assignment that he needs a little help with. He finds his father and tells him that he has to write a paper explaining the difference between potentially and actually.
His father says to him “That’s an easy one”, “Go upstairs and find your sister; ask her if she’d sleep with the mailman for $10,000.”
So the boy does as he is told. When he comes back down he tells his father what he learned. “She said yes, dad.” “So,” said his dad “Find your mother, now, and ask her if she’d sleep with the mailman for $10,000 as well.”
The boy does as he is asked, and then returns to his father again.
“She said yes too, dad.” “Well, there you go.” said the dad.
The boy looked at his father, puzzled.
He smiled, “Potentially we’re sitting on a gold mine; but, actually I live with a couple of whores!”


Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “mommy mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy’s clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started…”.
The mother cuts him off and says “just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.”
Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed.
She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting “I’m leaving you… Go ahead
Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.”
Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle joe last summer.”


Little Johnny is out trick or treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He walked up to a house and said “trick or treat”.
The little old lady just gushed over his costume. She says to Johnny, “What a cute costume, but let me ask you….Where are your buccaneers?”
Little Johnny says back, “They’re under my buckin hat lady.”

 
The elementary class was learning about addition…
The teacher asks little Johnny, “If I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?”
Johnny thinks about it for a few seconds and says, “Seven.”
The teacher says, “No, let’s try again. Listen carefully. I give you two, Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more.”
Johnny spends a few minutes thinking it out, and again says, “Seven.”
The teacher says, “Let’s try it another way. If I put two apples on your desk, then two more, and then two more, how many apples would you have?”
Johnny says, “Six.”
The teacher says, “Good, now if I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?”
Johnny again says, “Seven.”
The teacher, obviously frustrated, yells at Johnny, “Why do you keep saying seven?!”
Johnny says, “Because… I’ve already got a cat!”


An elementary teacher wanted to introduce physiological notions to her students.
She asks her class: Whoever feels stupid at times stand up!
After a while, little Johnny stands up, grudgingly.
The teacher asks: So Johnny, you feel stupid from time to time?
Little Johnny replies: No ma’am, it’s just painful to see you standing all alone.


An elementary teacher wanted to introduce physiological notions to her students.
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing maths problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
“Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?”
“None,” replied Johnny, “‘Cause the rest would fly away.”
“Well, the answer is four,” said the teacher, “But I like the way you are thinking.”
Little Johnny says, “I have a question for you now; If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?”
“Well,” said the teacher nervously, “I guess the one sucking the cone?”
“No,” said Little Johnny, “The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking.”


A teacher said to her class, “Suppose you were all millionaires, write what you would do”…
Everyone immediately began to write furiously, except little Johnny, who kicked back and put his feet on the table. The teacher walked over to him. “Why aren’t you writing Johnny?” she asked. Johnny looked up. “I’m waiting for my secretary.”


Mom and dad are having sex when little Johnny walks in. Quickly, dad tells him to leave.
When mom and dad come out of the room, they explain to Johnny that sometimes daddy’s get a big tummy and mommy’s have to jump on it so it will deflate.
Then Johnny replies, “But why does mommy have to deflate it when Ms. Jane next door just comes over every day to blow it back up?”


Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye.
After a few days of this happening, the teacher became very worried and asked him about it.
Johnny’s answer was: “Our house is very small Miss. Me, my mum and my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, ‘Johnny are you sleeping?’ Then I say ‘No’ and then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye.”
So the teacher says to him, “Tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet and don’t say a word”.
The following morning Little Johnny comes to school and no black eye, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. The day after that, Johnny comes back with a massive black eye again.
“My goodness Johnny, another black eye? What happened?”
Johnny explains: “Miss, Dad asked me again, ‘Johnny are you sleeping?…. and I shut up and kept very still. Then my dad and my mum started moving {you know} at the same time. Mum was breathing heavy and kicking her legs all over the place…..
Then my dad asks me mum: ‘Are you coming?’ Then my mum says, ‘Yes I’m coming, are you coming too?’ and my dad answered ‘Yes’.
They don’t usually go anywhere without me, so i said ‘Wait for me…”


Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, “Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny pulled out his pee-pee in class today! It was like a peanut.”
The mom replies, “Oh, it was small?”
Little Sally says, “No, it was salty.”


Little Stefan comes in to school one morning wearing a brand new watch. His best friend, little Jenny, wants to know where the watch is from, so Johnny tell his story,” I was coming from the bathroom to my bedroom when I heard a strange noise from my parent’s bedroom.
I walked in and saw them bouncing up and down. Dad said I could have anything I wanted as long as I didn’t tell the family. I asked for a new watch and here it is.”
Jenny decides she wants one too, so night after night she listens outside her parents’ bedroom for any strange noises and, sure enough, eventually she hears some banging and groaning from the other side of the door.
She walks in and catches her parents in the act, so her dad offers her anything she wants to keep quiet about the whole affair. Jenny immediately says, “I want a watch.”
The dad sighs and says, “Alright, but go and stand in the corner and don’t make any noise. “


Little Johnny came home from school to see the family’s pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, “Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?”
His father thinking quickly said, “Son, that’s so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven.”
“Gee Dad that’s great,” said Little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, “Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!”
“What do you mean?” said Dad.
“Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, ‘Jesus I’m coming, I’m coming’ If it hadn’t of been for Uncle George holding her down we’d have lost her for sure!”

Little Johnny Jokes for Adults

Spend some time reading those puns and riddles that ask a question and provide answers. Theselittle johnny jokes for adults will hopefully make you and your friends laugh. Have fun!

This week in Little Johnny’s English class, they were learning about punctuation.
When they got to periods, Johnny asked, “Why are periods so important?”
The teacher informed him and asked why he wanted to know.
He said, “When my sister told us that she missed a period, my father began yelling, and my mom passed out.”


Some of the older neighbourhood boys have been making fun of Little Johnny lately.
There latest trick is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime.
Johnny always takes the nickel and the older boys laugh at him.
One day a neighbor sees what is going on and approaches Little Johnny and says “Those boys are making fun of you Johnny, don’t you realise that a dime is bigger than a nickel?”
Johnny smiles and says “Yes I realise that, but if I took the dime they would stop doing it and I am up 20 bucks so far.”


This happened with my great uncle and young cousin for years.
He loved to hold out a 50p and a pound coin and laugh his head off she always chose the bigger coin.
Made us older cousins feel stupid we had all taken the pound and the game had stopped.


Little Johnny asks the teacher, “Can I be punished for something I haven’t done?”
The teacher is shocked. “Of course not, Johnny! That would be very unfair!”
Johnny is relieved. “That’s good to know,” he says, “Because I haven’t done my homework.”


During the concert little Johnny sits in the front row waiting for the concert to begin.
A friend asks: “Johnny, how did you manage to get a ticket to the concert?”
Johnny replies: “I got a ticket from my sister.”
The friend asks: “And where is your sister?”
Johnny says: “Back at home, looking for her ticket.”


Little Johnny’s new sibling was crying and screaming for hours.
He asked his parents where they got him from.
They reply, “Oh, we got him straight from heaven.”
Johnny said, “Jeez. I see why they kicked him out of there.”


Teacher: “If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?”
Johnny: “One dollar.”
Teacher: “You don’t know your arithmetic.”
Johnny: “And you don’t know my father!”


Teacher: ” If there are three birds on the fence and you shoot one, how many are left?”
Johnny: “None”.
Teacher: “You don’t know your arithmetic.”
Johnny: ” You don’t know birds. If you shoot one, the other two will fly away”


Teacher: “Can you tell me something important that didn’t exist 100 years ago?”
Little Johnny: “Me!”


“So what have you been doing at school today, Johnny?”
“I don’t really want to talk about it, mom. You’ll see it later on the news, anyways.”


English teacher asks the class: “Which tense is the sentence ‘I AM BEAUTIFUL’?”
Little Johnny replies, “Clearly, past tense.”

Little Johnny Jokes for Kids

Following is our collection of the best Little Johnny jokes for kids. Share with your kids and see the laughter that bursts out.

Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, “Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch…;
“Johnny!” shouted his mother. “Stop swearing!”
“But mom!” Little Johnny protested, “That’s what the teacher taught us! And she said we should recite it till we learned it!”
The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. “No, no.” said the teacher terrified. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say: ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’”


Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?” “No,” said his mom, “Of course not.”
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay! We can play that game!”


A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!”
Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears. Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have ***, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”


At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.”
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.”
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.”
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.”
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door.
The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”


The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear. “I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”
“From my father.” said Johnny.
“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”
“I do.” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”

Final Thoughts on Little Johnny Jokes

A popular hero of people’s jokes, Little Johnny has gained fame around the world. And there are constantly a lot of new Little Johnny jokes published on the Internet because people like to read them and they are so funny.

It’s never boring to read little Johnny jokes.Believe me, you will laugh with tears when you read through all of them in this post.

In one post, it would be impossible to put all the jokes about little Johnny together. So do you know any other ones? Please let us know in the comment section.