151 Hilarious Italian Jokes to Keep You Laughing All Day
Unlike America, Italy is not among those countries which are famous for their humor. However, that certainly does not mean that Italian jokes are not humorous.
It has been studied that most of the Italian jokes were not spoken, instead, they were visual ones. This is why not many people are able to comprehend the visual jokes and they appear non-humorous to outsiders. But in reality, they are quite funny, childish, and sexiest.
Therefore, if you are an Italian or are fond of their sense of humor, this blog post will give you a breakthrough in your daily life with an amazing collection of jokes about Italians.
Bide your time reading any puns or riddles where the setup or punchline is a question with answers. We sincerely hope that you will find these Italian jokes amusing enough to share with others.
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Table of Contents
Best Italian Jokes
Are you tired of the old, cliché jokes and seeking the latest ones? If so, then continue reading because we have mentioned the best Italian jokes that are new in the town.
What’s the difference between a deaf person and an Italian?
One talks with their hands and makes goofy noises at random volumes, and the other can’t hear.
Why don’t Italians do bondage?
Because they can’t say the safeword while they’re wearing handcuffs.
Why did the Italian wear handcuffs to bed?
So he wouldn’t talk in his sleep
How do you know if an Italian person is mute?
When you see he has no hands.
What do you call an Italian with two broken hands?
Mute.
What do you call the Italian slums?
The spaghettos.
Don’t be racist, be like Mario…
He’s an Italian plumber created by Japanese people who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, and runs like a Jamaican, and jumps like a Black man, and grabs coins like a Jew…
Me: The earth isn’t flat.
Fiat earther: Correct.
Me: huh?
Fiat earther: It’s shaped like an Italian car.
Me: what?
Fiat earther: You read my name wrong, didn’t you?
An Italian woman is pregnant. You congratulate her. She says “Grazie”. What do you say to her after that?
Prego.
What’s an Italian chef’s favorite speech?
Spaghettysburg address.
I went on a date with an Italian.
We had a great conversation until we held hands, then she was speechless.
Why do Italian women love me?
I’m firm when I need to be, but I can also be soft and tender.
The name’s Dente.
Al Dente.
From an old Italian book
Husband and wife are sleeping on their bed. Suddenly, the woman, having a dream, starts to yell:
“Oh god! My husband is coming”
The husband jumps from the bed and without even thinking runs to the wardrobe.
How do you make an Italian, into a suicide bomber?
#Rigatoni!
I can’t remember the name of that Italian dessert where you pour espresso over ice cream.
I asked my Italian friend, but he couldn’t remember either.
The invention of sex
A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture.
The Greek says, “We have the Parthenon”
The Italian says, “We have the Colosseum”
The Greek says “We had great Mathematicians”
The Italian says “We had the Roman Empire” and so on and so on and
Then Greek Says: “We invented sex” The Italian says: “That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women”
Why are Italians so good at football?
Because it involves changing sides halfway through.
What do you call an Italian Jedi?
Obi Wan Cannoli.
Don’t worry, I’ll see myself out.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta way.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An im-pasta.
Do you know the Ghostbuster’s catchphrase in Italian?
I’m not alfredo, no ghost!
I am writing an opera about pasta in Italian. I hope it’s successful.
Otherwise, I may have to rigatoni.
What do you call the bad part of town in Italian?
A spagh-etto.
Where do you find scary stories about Italian food?
CreepyPasta!
How do you say goodbye to an Italian chef?
Pasta la vista!
My wife thinks I’m an idiot because I’m building my car out of spaghetti, macaroni, and fusilli.
She won’t be laughing when I drove pasta!
Where does spaghetti go dancing?
The meatball!
What do you call sick pasta?
Mac n’ sneeze!
Funny Italian Jokes
You should get used to laughing if you are deciding to spend any time in Italy.
Italians are quite humorous people and you’ll experience a couple of jokes too. Thus, here are some funny Italian jokes for you to respond to.
Why couldn’t the Italian explain himself to the police?
He was handcuffed.
Being a musician is great for travelling and meeting new people. Throughout my career I have met amazing humans.
Once I met this Italian opera singer, amazing gal. Some other time an irish theremine player. But the other day I met a polish sound engineer. And a czech one too. And a czech one too. And a czech one too.
Why did God create gold chains?
So Italian guys would know when to quit shaving!
I never sausage a tragic thing.
He is now a pizza history.
Sending olive my support to his family.
We cannoli do so much though.
I feel for his wife. Cheese still not over it.
I guess he just ran out of thyme.
I’m dating an Italian bricklayer.
It’s cement to be.
How do you talk to a dead Italian?
With a luigi board.
What does an Italian have when he is missing one arm?
A severe speech impediment.
Why do italians love soccer?
Because halfway through they get to switch sides
If Italian bread is Italian bread, and French bread is French bread, what do you call southern bread
Inbred
My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess
So I used her as bait to lure an Italian plumber into my castle.
Massaging the wife
Italian: Last night I massaged my wife with the finest olive oil, then we made love and I made her scream non stop 5 minutes.
French: Last night I massaged my wife with special aphrodisiac oil, then we made passionate love. I made her scream 15 minutes.
American: That’s nothing! Last night I massaged my wife with cheese, then made love and made her scream for 2 hours.
Italian and French, astonished: 2 hours! How !?
American: I wiped my hands on the curtains…
What do you call an Italian hooker?
A PASTA-tute!
I am so sorry.
An English man, German, French and Italian are standing at the side of a street watching a street performer
The street performer noticed that they all have poor eye sight so he asked them whether they can see him and they responded:
“Yes”
“Oui”
“Sì”
“Ja”
A German, Italian, And Irishman are sitting at a bar…
When 3 flies fly into the room and into the 3 drinks.
The German puts down the drink, and says “I can’t drink this!’
The Italian takes out the fly, and says “that’s good enough for me” and continues drinking.
The Irishman starts vigorously shaking the fly, and yells “SPIT IT ALL OUT!!”
An Italian soldier wakes up in a hospital having been dragged out of the battle.
The doctor walks in and tells the soldier, “I’m sorry to inform you that both your arms and legs we’re blown off in the heat of the fight”.
The war hero starts to crying like a baby. The doctor peers round at his wife and asks, “do you think he’ll be OK?”
She replies, “Would you be OK if you could never talk again?”
What do you call a sketchy Italian neighborhood?
The spaghetto.
I used to know an Italian chef.
He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I feel horrible, he just ran out of thyme.
I am sending olive my love to his friends. His wife is really upset too. Cheese crying. He died fusilli reasons. I never sausage a tragic situation.
it was a farfalle from grace.
A man walks into a buffet…
He puts a sausage on his plate, and his German friend says “now you’re speaking my language!”.
Then, he adds a slice of pizza to his plate, and his Italian friend says “now you’re speaking my language!”.
Then, the man has an incredible urge to sneeze. He reaches for a napkin and raises it up, and his French friend says “now you’re speaking my language!”.
Why don’t Italians like Jehovah’s witnesses?
Italians don’t like ANY witnesses.
COVID 19 is like Pasta
Asians invented it, Italians spread it.
Hilarious Italian Jokes
There are no funnier Italian jokes or puns elsewhere than these in Rome! They may always be from Sicily, but they still make us laugh. So take pleasure in these amusing and hilarious Italian puns.
An italian, an Irishman, a German, a talking dog,
a lesbian, a cowboy, the pope, a gambling midget, the president, and a ten inch pianist all walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at all of them and says:
“What is this, a joke?”
Where do Italian gangsters come from?
The spaghetto.
Heaven is a place where the police are English, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian, and everything is organized by the Swiss…
Hell, on the other hand, is where the police are German, the cooks are English, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Americans.
The Italian government has decided to put a big clock similar to Big Ben in the leaning tower of Piza.
Now they’ll have the time as well as the inclination.
What do you call an Italian who has a thing for feet?
A fetishini.
A couple of Italian guys are discussing who, if they could choose any woman in the world, they’d rather bang
One of them says some big name actress, the other says “Virginia Pippilini.”
The first guy’s like, “Who’s that? Is she a model?”
“I don’t know”
“Actress?”
“I don’t know.”
“Singer?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well if you don’t know, why choose her?”
The guy pulls out a newspaper and points to the headline. “Virginia Pipeline blows 50 men dead.”
To impress his date, Ron took her to a very chic Italian restaurant.
After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered for the both of them. “We’ll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci,” he said.
“That’s the manager.” said the waiter.
Three guys just met each other and they have a conversation about different sorts of paste
The first guy says: “I know everything about tomato paste, because I own an Italian restaurant.”
The second guy says: “I know everything about toothpaste, because I am a dentist.”
The third guy says: “I know everything about copy-paste, because I am a Redditor.”
You hear about the Italian kid born without any arms?
Poor kid never learned to talk.
Two Italian guys, Dino and Marcello, go fishing on a boat
Suddenly, Dino spots an old WWII bomb floating towards them.
Dino screams “Marcello! Look! It’s a mine!”
Marcello -scared- replies “Okay okay Dino, you can a have it!”
A construction contractor buys a 10 foot Italian submarine sandwich to feed his crew
It gets delivered a little early, so he sets it out on a table and goes back to finish up the morning’s work. By the time him and his crew get back to it, though, there’s something wrong. Most of the middle sections are missing, and the two ends have been pushed together, making it only a 4 foot sandwich.
He turns to his crew and asks if anyone snuck in to eat the sandwich. One by one, they all shake their heads and deny any wrongdoing. He’s at a loss until one of his guys points out that the company had hired an electrician to do a bit of wiring that morning.
“Of course!” the boss exclaims, “he’s the subcontractor!”
A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.
Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?
He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?
Very good, she replies.
And what happened to my present?
Which present? she asks.
The one I asked for – an Italian girl!
Oh, that. I did what I could. We’ll just have to wait 9 months to see if it’s a girl.
How does every Italian joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.
What do you call an Italian suppository?
An innuendo.
What do you call a Roman with a cold?
Julius Sneezer.
Why are Italians so good at making coffee?
Because they’re good at espresso themselves.
What do you call an Italian with no arms?
Mute.
Did you hear about the winner of the Italian beauty contest?
Me neither.
What’s the difference between an Italian grandmother and an elephant?
Fifty pounds and a black dress.
What are you in the bathroom if you’re American in the living room?
EUROPEAN.
Do Deaf people and Italians have anything in common?
Both of them talk with their hands.
How does the Italian plumber talk to spirits?
A Luigi board!
Witty Italian Jokes
Italians are usually complimented a lot on their wittiness and ability to crack jokes. For this reason, below are some witty Italian jokes for you to gather a few more compliments and enjoy your day.
A new aircraft engine division of General Electric has been acquired by Alitalia, an Italian airline. “Genitalia” will be the name of the new company.
I had a Spicy Italian 6″ last night… and then he and I went to Subway.
When a Roman walks into a bar, he holds up two fingers and says… “Five, please.”
When I discovered bugs in my food at a fancy Italian restaurant, I stormed out. It turned out to be the anty pasto.
Here are two ways to tell you’re an Italian in the 21st century… You just entered your password into the microwave.
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
When an Italian cheese makes music, what do you call it?
Mozz-art.
Only two slices of lasagna, five meatballs, and three pasta bowls?
You don’t like Nonna’s cooking.
Why shouldn’t you get in a fight with an Italian baker?
Because he’ll beat the focaccia.
Italian Jokes One Liners
With all the hustle and bustle around, take some time out to relax with our hilarious compilation of Italian jokes one liners. These jokes are actually a much-needed break for you.
A piece of ancient Italian art was given to me by my wife.
It was ROME-antique.
What’s the difference between a Jewish mother and an Italian mother?
Jewish mother to her child: Eat, or I will die.
Italian mother: Eat, or I’ll kill you.
What do Italians call ghosts?
Gaba-Ghouls!
What does the Italian police do with a criminal pig?
Prose-cutto
An Italian couple got into an argument.
Wife: How can you not remember my birthday? We’ve been married for 40 years!
Husband: Well, the same thing happened last year, and you told me to forget about it.
Clean Italian Jokes
Do you need some clean Italian jokes to share with your family at a dinner table? Then, get your hands on these clean Italian jokes and watch how everybody reacts to them. Enjoy!
Did you hear about the man who was half Polish and half Italian?
He made himself an offer he couldn’t understand.
An elderly classical languages professor goes to Rome for a conference.
He hails a taxi as he leaves the airport, and the driver points to a sign saying “Tell driver your destination”. The professor hesitates for a moment. He doesn’t speak Italian, but doesn’t want the driver to misunderstand his directions in English. Suddenly realizing that Italian is descended from Latin he says, “Adducere me ad Marriott deversorium”
The cab driver nods and puts the car in gear. As he into traffic he says, “Wow, you sure haven’t been to Rome for a long time.”
Did you hear about the new Italian restaurant that just opened in the afterlife?
It’s called Pasta Way.
A couple just had their first son , the husband is half Irish and half Indian , the wife half chinese and half Italian both wishes to have their son name after their heritage ..
After much argument they decided on the name.
Ravi O’Lee.
A half indian-half Irish man married a half chinese-half Italian woman
After much deliberation, they named their son
Ravi O’Lee.
A Frenchman, a Dutchman and a German walk into a bar…
Normally there also would’ve been a Belgian, an Englishman and an Italian, but they couldn’t come since they’re still at the European Championship.
The Italian Mother
Giuseppe excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is
going to get married.
He says, “Just for fun, Mama, I’m going to bring over three women and you
try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house, sits them
down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, “Okay, Mama, guess which one am I going to marry?”
Mama says immediately, “The one on the right.”
“That’s amazing, Mama. You’re right. How did you know?”
Mama replies: “I don’t like her.”
What do Timon and Pumbaa order at Italian Restaurants?
The Tuna Piccata!
Why do Italian men have mustaches?
So that they can look like their mothers.
Why don’t Italians like Jehovah’s Witnesses?
They don’t like any witnesses.
What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
What does FIAT stand for?
Frenzied Italian At Traffic-lights.
When you cross an Italian with a Jew, what do you get?
Olive Garden.
Italian mothers never threw a baseball in their life. But…
They can nail you in the head with a slipper thrown from the kitchen while you are in the living room.
How come polish jokes are so short?
For the Italians to understand them.
Knock Knock Italian Jokes
If you are from Italy or even half Italian, we are pretty sure you can never get tired of cracking jokes and stealing the limelight in the crowd. As a result, we have jotted down the best knock knock Italian jokes.
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Venice.
Venice who?
Venice, when does your mom get home?
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Italy.
Italy who?
Italy (it will be) all over in the morning.
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Rome.
Rome who?
Rome is where the heart is!
Italian Jokes for Adults
Have seen the most extensive and terrible collection of Italian jokes for adults ever before? Well, then look below, and as a sign of appreciation, send these jokes to the Italians in your life.
So an Italian man and a Greek man we’re arguing over which of their countries was the better one…
…and they eventually got to the topic of sex. The Greek, feeling as though had would clearly win with his next point, stated very boldly, “Oh yea? Well, we Greeks invented the art of sex!”
Without skipping a beat, the Italian replied, “True, but *we* invented sex with women!”
Bring me back a nice Italian girl
A man is dropping off his wife, who’s being sent on a business trip to Italy, at the airport. Before saying his goodbyes, he quips “Now be sure to bring me back a nice Italian girl.” A week later, he’s back at the airport to pick her up. After kissing her hello, he says “So did you get me that nice Italian girl?” to which the wife responds “Well I did my best, but we’re going to have to wait 9 months to find out if it’s a girl.”
I’m pretty sure Jesus was Italian
Because only an Italian mother could think her son was a god.
And only an Italian son could think his mother was a virgin.
A man walks up to a counter and says . . .
A man walks up to a counter and says, “Gimme a kielbassi sandwich and a beer.”
“Ah,” says the person behind the counter. “You must be Polish.”
The customer becomes irate. “Now, just a minute,” he says, “I happen to take offense at that! Why are you assuming that just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer I must be Polish?”
“Well-“
“If I ordered a plate of spaghetti, would you assume I’m Italian?”
“Well, no.”
If I ordered corned beef and cabbage, would you assume I’m Irish?”
“No.”
“Then why,” said the customer, “are you assuming I’m Polish just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer?”
“Well . . . this is a hardware store.”
A Greek and an Italian are arguing over whose culture is superior.
he Greek says “We built the Parthenon.” the Italian says “We build the Colosseum.” The Greek says “We came up with advanced Mathematics” The Italian says “We made the Roman Empire.” The Greek is getting frustrated finally realizes how he can win the argument. “We invented sex.” The Italian replies “True, true, I can’t argue with that, but we thought of having it with women.”
There’s an old Italian man
There’s an old Italian man, and every year, he and his son plant a tomato garden together. This particular year, however, the son is in jail, and so the old man writes him a letter.
“My son, it is regrettable that you can’t be here to plant the tomato garden with me this year. The soil is too hard for me to dig myself. I look forward to the day you come home so we can continue this tradition together.”
The son writes back, “Father, don’t dig up the tomato garden, that’s where the bodies are buried.”
That night around 2 AM, the police show up at the old man’s house with a warrant to search the ground for bodies. After several hours of digging around, they find nothing, apologize to the man, and go on their way.
The next day, the man receives another letter from his son, “Father, given the circumstances, this was the best I could do. You should be able to plant the tomatoes now.”
What do you call a poor Italian community?
a spaghetto.
Italian joke, What do you call a poor Italian community?
What’s the best way to grease a Ferrari?
Run over an Italian.
What’s a specimen?
An Italian astronaut 😀
3 spies, a french one, a british one, and an italian one, are captured by al-qaeda…
the terrorists tie each of them up and put the brit and the italian in a locked room. they take the frenchman to a room for 6 hours, torturing information out of him. when they finish with him, they take the brit to the room, who lasts 12 hours. they finally take the italian into the room, but as much as they torture him, they can’t get any information out of him.
the brit and the frenchman ask him how it goes and he says “I couldn’t say anything.” they ask him why and he says “my hands were tied!”
The Italian spy
A German, French, and Italian spy get captured. The French spy is tied with his hands strapped behind his back, a d is tortured and interrogated. He confesses after one hour. The German spy lasts two hours before confessing. The Italian spy lasts hours before his captors give up on him. The German and French spies ask how he lasted so long without talking and he says “I wanted to talk, but I couldn’t move my hands.”
A Greek and a Italian are having a beer.
The Greek Says
“You know, we invented sex.”
Then the Italian turn’s and looks at him.
“Well we brought women into it.”
I think I was Italian,
in a pasta life.
You know, not all Italians are in the mafia.
Some are in the Witness Protection Program.
What do you call an Italian with a broken arm?
Speech impaired.
A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and Italian grandmother…
They couldn’t settle on a name, until it hit them!
They named him Ravi O. Lee
Sorry.
An Italian and a Greek get in a fight over sex
Greek: the Greeks invented sex centuries before the Italians!
Italians: maybe so but we improved on it by introducing it to women!
How much dessert does a dieting Jedi eat at an Italian restaurant?
Only one cannoli.
Why are so many Italian men named Tony?
When they ship them over from the Old Country, they stamp “To N.Y.” on them…
Italian Jokes for Kids
Kids can laugh even at the silliest and most outdated joke again and again. So, we have brought the newest collection of Italian jokes for kids, which we are sure that they will enjoy to its fullest.
The Mafia crossed the road for what reason?
Forget about it.
What are some ways to tell if an Italian is in the Mafia?
A broken leg of lamb is his favorite dish.
How do you say goodbye in Italian with four letters?
“BANG”!
What is the best way to identify the Italian at the Cockfight?
He’s the one who bets on the duck.
What do you call an Italian who marries a Polish?
A social climber.
What happened when Mia Khalifa was impregnated by an Italian man?
Mama Mia!
What is the beginning of every Italian joke?
Taking a glance over your shoulder.
Is there a difference between a smart Italian and a unicorn?
Nothing, they’re both fictional characters.
What’s the name of the Italian dessert where you pour espresso coffee over ice cream?
Everyone I ask can’t remember either.
FIAT stands for what?
Fix-It Again, Tony!
If you’re American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
EUROPEAN.
What is the name of the Italian baker who gives backrubs?
A Tira-masseuse.
What is the reason for the mustaches of Italian men?
In order to look like their mothers.
What kind of person orders an Italian sub?
An Italian dom.
Italian Jokes and Puns
The exaggerated actions, loud tone, and humor in every phrase perfectly depict an Italian citizen. Check out a few Italian puns and jokes as well to fit in the Italian frame.
How do you teach an Italian how to swim?
You should ask them to explain something to you before you jump into the ocean with them.
How do you describe a pimple in Italian?
A grease fitting.
Have you heard about the Italian guy who had both his arms amputated?
He never talked again.
Why are Italians known as magicians?
They can make people disappear.
Final Thoughts on Italian Jokes
The finest aspect of Italian comedy is how frequently they make jokes about themselves and how rarely they take offense to it. In fact, because it is constantly relatable, however sardonically, it is a good source of humor for many Italians.
In this post, we’ve chosen ten of the funniest jokes about Italian that perfectly capture the spirit of the country.
Italians are quite funny people. They are capable of both wit and sarcasm.
Some Italian jokes can only be understood in Italian, thus their translation may not be as hilarious or as clear.
Italian jokes can be so smart that it takes a few seconds for the joke to sink in, in addition to being genuinely humorous. They enjoy irony, but they prefer irony that is both subtle and straightforward so that they may comprehend it right away.
Now that you have gone through all the jokes, make sure you share them with your friends and family. Also, do drop a joke about Italy, if you think we have missed any.
