157 Hilarious Insult Jokes for Friends with Good Sense of Humor

Laughter has long been hailed as a powerful tool for building connections and relieving stress.

As the famous comedian Charlie Chaplin once said, ‘A day without laughter is a day wasted.’

In the spirit of humor and camaraderie, we present a curated selection of insult jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone and bring smiles to your face.

While insults are often associated with negativity, these jokes are crafted with a lighthearted intent and are meant to be enjoyed among friends with a good sense of humor.

Be ready to share a laugh and explore the world of the best insult jokes!

Best Insult Jokes

These cleverly crafted jests are the cream of the crop when it comes to humorous insults, guaranteed to entertain and lighten the atmosphere.

Those teeth look like you could eat an apple through a tennis racquet.

You have an extremely kind face, the kind you throw bricks at.

If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.

I guess you prove that even god makes mistakes sometimes.

You’re so fake, Barbie is jealous.

Roses are red, violets are violet, my life is better, without you inside it.

The roses have gone, the flowers are dead, the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.

Someday I am sure that you will go far. For everyone elses sake we hope that you stay there.

When I see your face there is not one thing that I would change, apart from the direction that I was walking in.

You are the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

If you ran like your mouth does you would beat Usain Bolt in a running race.

If only closed minds came with closed mouths

Girlfriend: “Am I pretty or ugly?”
Boyfriend: “You’re both.”
Girlfriend: “What do you mean?”
Boyfriend: “You’re pretty ugly.”

You’re so hairy that when you come out of the shower it is like Gorillas In The Mist.

You are so hairy that when you went hiking in the mountains, another sighting of Bigfoot was immediately reported.

You are so hairy that when you take your dog out for a walk, you always get pet by strangers before him.

You are so hairy that when you went to the zoo they locked you in the gorilla cage.

You are so hairy that you need to use a chainsaw to shave your legs.

You are so hairy that when you went skydiving, everyone thought you were a magic carpet.

You are so hairy that when you shaved your body you lost 20kg.

You are so hairy that last year a couple of birds made nests in your armpits and you still don’t know about them.

You’re so hairy that when you went to the beach everyone told you to take off your fur coat.

You are the reason a bottle of shampoo has direction.

Two wrongs don’t make a right, take your parents as an example.

Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?

You have two parts of brain, ‘left’ and ‘right’. In the left side, there’s nothing right. In the right side, there’s nothing left.

It’s better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.

Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

You’re about as useless as an asshole with tastebuds.

If I wanted to kill myself I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

You’re old enough to remember when emojis were called “hieroglyphics.”

He is so old that he gets nostalgic when he sees the Neolithic cave paintings.

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

Funny Insult Jokes

Our collection of funny insult jokes will bring smiles and chuckles, providing a humorous twist to playful banter among friends.

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

You’re so ugly, you scared the crap out of the toilet.

No I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait.

I’m jealous of people that don’t know you!

You’re so old that you owe Moses a dollar.

You’re so old that your tax file number is 1.

You’re so old that you voted for god.

You are so old that when you pass away, there will be a worldwide race between paleontologists to dig you up.

You’re so old that if someone told you to act your age, it would kill you.

You’re so old that there is a photo of Jesus in your yearbook.

You’re so old that you used to ride a dinosaur to school.

You’re so old that you fart dust and pee rust.

I couldn’t live without the internet, but then I think, you lived without the wheel.

You’re so old that you are still impressed when you see colour television.

You’re so old that when you had science class the only elements on the periodic table were earth, wind, water and fire.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

You’re so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.

You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.

Brains aren’t everything. In your case they’re nothing.

I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.

I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.

Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

Behind every fat woman there is a beautiful woman. No seriously, you’re in the way.

Hilarious Insult Jokes

Start a laughter-filled journey with a selection of hilarious insult jokes. These jokes are meant to be enjoyed in the spirit of good-natured humor.

They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.

Stop trying to be a smart ass, you’re just an ass.

The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.

I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

If ugly were a crime, you’d get a life sentence.

Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma.

If you are going to be 2 faced, at least make one of them pretty.

You remind me of a penny, 2 faced and not worth very much at all.

Keep rolling your eyes, perhaps you will find a brain back there.

All day I thought of you…… I was at the zoo.

You have “mint” breath. Mint to brush your teeth and forgot.

I’m trying to see things from your point of view, but I can’t get my head that far up my ass.

Have you ever seen a jackass wrapped in plastic?
Show me your license.

You are similar to Rapunzel however instead of letting your hair down, you let down everybody you know.

You should really carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen that you waste when you speak.

When you were circumcised they threw away the wrong bit.

You are like a mobile phone update, when I see you I think “not now”.

If you listen really carefully you can actually hear me not caring at all.

You Built Like Insult Jokes.

You built like a crazy straw.

You built like a sea cucumber.

You built like a bottle of Ranch.

Your nose built like a Tonka Truck.

Insult Jokes One Liners

A peak into our collection of amazing insult jokes presented in one-liner form. They will have you and your friends in laughter!

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

You, sir, are an oxygen thief!

Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable… like a coma.

Shock me, say something intelligent.

If you’re gonna be two faced, honey at least make one of them pretty.

Keep rolling your eyes, perhaps you’ll find a brain back there.

You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.

Don’t like my sarcasm, well I don’t like your stupid.

You have Diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.

Your mind is on vacation but your mouth is working overtime.

I can lose weight, but you’ll always be ugly.

Some babies were dropped on their heads but you were clearly thrown at a wall.

Why don’t you go play in traffic.

Please shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.

I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse.

Dirty Insult Jokes

This section has a humor of bold nature. Brace yourself for some naughtily funny insult jokes that see no boundaries. Only for adults!

Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside.

If you really spoke your mind, you’d be speechless.

Stupidity is not a crime so you are free to go.

You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white.

If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move?

You get ten times more girls than me? ten times zero is zero…

There is no vaccine against stupidity.

You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

Sure, I’ve seen people like you before – but I had to pay an admission.

How old are you? – Wait I shouldn’t ask, you can’t count that high.

Have you been shopping lately? They’re selling lives, you should go get one.

Insult Jokes for Adults

For a dose of grown-up humor, we present a selection of insult jokes tailored for adults. These jokes are crafted with wit and cleverness! Binge in!

I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

Of course I talk like an idiot, how else would you understand me?

All day I thought of you… I was at the zoo.

To make you laugh on Saturday, I need to you joke on Wednesday.

You’re so fat, you could sell shade.

I’d like to see things from your point of view but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.

Don’t you need a license to be that ugly?

You’re so dumb that when you heard it was chilly outside you ran and got a bowl and spoon.

I am not saying that you are stupid, just that you are constantly unlucky when you try thinking.

If you were any slower, you would need watering once a week.

Somewhere out there a village is missing it’s idiot.

You’re so dumb that you thought a quarterback was a refund.

The IQ chart doesn’t go below 75. You can stop trying to go lower.

A school teacher wanted to educate her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up.
One child in her class stood up and the teacher was really surprised.
She didn’t anticipate that anyone would stand up so she asks him, “Why did you stand up?”
He answers, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

You’re so stupid that you climbed a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

You are so stupid you didn’t even pass your birth certificate.

You are so stupid that if we were invaded by zombies, you would be completely safe because zombies eat brains.

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

You’re like Monday mornings, nobody likes you.

Insult Jokes and Puns

Delight in the art of wordplay with a combination of insult jokes and puns. These clever linguistic gems are the best for the playfulness of language!

You so dumb, you think Cheerios are doughnut seeds.

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

Just because you have one doesn’t mean you have to act like one.

We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.

Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?

I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.

I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong.

I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the little voice in my head screaming ‘What a load of rubbish!’

You cause joy whenever you go.

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

You are so old, your birth-certificate expired.

Every time I’m next to you, I get a fierce desire to be alone.

You’re so dumb that you got hit by a parked car.

Keep talking, someday you’ll say something intelligent!

You’re so fat, you leave footprints in concrete.

How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

Pardon me, but you’ve obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

Wipe your mouth, there’s still a tiny bit of bullshit around your lips.

Don’t you have a terribly empty feeling – in your skull.