180 Hilarious Football Jokes to Score Big Laughs
Are you ready to put your gears on and wear a helmet? Because these football jokes will dodge you for sure, and we don’t want you to give up and lose a score!
Football is one of the few fascinating sports that always keeps you on the edge of a chair. Apart from the tactical and physical play that will keep you interested, it also has its share of humorous football jokes that will have you hooting in amusement.
With a huge number of fans of this game around the world, there is no doubt that we all have been a little obsessed with football at some point in our lives and a few of us still are.
Most people’s obsession is primarily focused on viewing as many matches as possible. But for some people, on the other hand, took their football addiction to an entirely new level, by constantly cracking jokes about football.
Thus, if you also belong to that category, you may need to scroll down for the latest football jokes!
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Table of Contents
Best Football Jokes
Are you tired of those cliché football puns and are looking for something new. If this is so, then you don’t have to search any further because below is the finest collection of best football jokes.
Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarter back.
What do football players wear on Halloween?
Face masks!
What kind of tea do football players drink?
Penaltea.
Why didn’t the dog want to play football?
It was a boxer.
Where do football players dance?
At a foot ball!
What do football players do when they get overheated?
They get closer to some of the fans.
Why did the poor quarterback have his receivers cross at mid-field?
He was trying to make ends meet.
Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Why are centipedes not allowed to play on bug football teams?
It takes too long to put their cleats on.
What did the football coach say to the broken candy machine?
Give me my quarterback!
How is a football referee like an angry chicken?
They both have fowl mouths.
Which state should the Tampa Bay Buccaneers move to?
Arrrrrrrrrkansas.
Funny Football Jokes
For some, football season is a big deal, but the rest of the people are always there to enjoy and have the time of their lives. Therefore, if you are from the latter category, funny football jokes will help you to make the most of this season.
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team?
Because she kept running away from the ball!
Why did the football quit the team?
It was tired of being kicked around!
Why was Cinderella such a poor football player?
Her coach was a pumpkin.
Which football player wears the biggest helmet?
The one with the biggest head.
What does a Minnesota Vikings fan do when their team has won the Super Bowl?
They turn off the PlayStation 4.
Where do hungry football players play?
In the Supper Bowl.
What did the football say to the punter?
I get a kick out of you.
Which insect doesn’t play well in football?
The fumble bee.
Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the football team?
They needed a little team spirit.
Who is the leader of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers?
Captain Hook!
Why shouldn’t you play football in the jungle?
There are too many cheetahs!
Why did the football player bring string to the game?
So he could tie the score.
Hilarious Football Jokes
When with friends to play football, begin your sport with hilarious football jokes. Though you might be way too focused on your game rather than a joke but such puns will release your tension and will give you a much-needed breakthrough.
What football play should you be suspicious of?
The quarterback sneak.
What’s the difference between a quarterback and a baby?
One takes the snap, the other takes a nap.
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
“Give me my quarter back!”
How is losing money in a payphone like a football game?
If you don’t get the quarter back, you hit the receiver!
How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?
Hide the ball; it drives them nuts!
Knock, knock?
Who is there?
August.
August Who?
A gusta go back to football practice!
What did the college football say to the punter?
“I get a kick out of you.”
Did you hear about the football player who asked his coach to flood the field so he could go in as a sub?
What kind of ends do you find in libraries?
Book ends.
Which player is the easiest target to hit with the football?
The wide receiver.
Who are the happiest people at the football game?
The cheerleaders.
Why are college football stadiums always cool?
Because they’re full of fans.
Why was the skeleton always left out of the football game?
Because he had no body to go with.
What did the mummy football coach say at the end of practice?
“Let’s wrap this up!”
What would you get if you crossed a football player and the Invisible Man?
Football like no one has ever seen.
What do a bad football team and possums have in common?
Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
The Dallas Cowboys.
When is a football player like a judge?
When he sits on the bench.
Cheeky Football Jokes
Do you know a girl who is a football enthusiast too? Then what are you waiting for, get your hands on the provided cheeky football jokes and make your first move the most hilarious one!
Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player?
Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.
What’s the difference between the poor, inconsistent football team, and a dollar bill?
You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
What do biology majors wear on their heads when playing football?
Helminth.
Where do quarterbacks go when they get old?
Out to pass-ture.
Did you hear that some college football teams don’t have a website?
They can’t string three “Ws” together.
What is harder to catch the faster you run?
Your breath!
Why do ballet dancers make such good NFL kickers?
They know how to split the uprights!
Which football player wears the biggest cleats?
The one with the biggest feet!
Where is a ghost’s favorite spot on a football field
Under the ghoul posts!
What is it called when a dinosaur gets a touchdown?
A dino-score.
What runs around a football field but never moves?
A fence.
What did the bumble bee running back say after getting a touchdown?
Hive scored.
Why did the chicken get ejected from the football game?
For persistent fowl play.
What are successful kickers always trying to do?
Reach goals.
Why can’t Tampa Bay Buccaneers play golf?
They always hook the ball.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Tess me.
Tess me who?
Tess me the football!
Why couldn’t the defensive football player pass his test in school?
He was a tackling dummy.
Why couldn’t the all-star football player listen to music?
Because he broke all the records.
One-Liner Football Jokes
Bowl Sunday can be treated as a full-fledged holiday in your household. Nevertheless, in the fullness of time, it’s only a game. Following are the football jokes one liners that will crack you guys up while watching the game.
How did Scrooge manage to score the winning the goal?
The ghost of Christmas passed…
Great start to the season for Lion King FC: a win away, a win away, a win away…
Think my friend’s new girlfriend is a keeper.
She’s got a pair of goalie gloves.
I like watching football matches when I’m at the hairdressers.
The coverage is the same but the highlights are better.
Went to watch a match recently, and it was freezing.
Must have been all the fans.
Local manager turned on the floodlights to bring on his sub…
A friend played for a team called the Musketeers.
They started the season with three wins and a draw, all 4-1 and one 4-all.
Local team has a triangular pitch.
I think someone took a corner.
Saw a team of flies playing football in a saucer.
They hope to be in the cup next week.
Local amateur poultry team had their new star striker chicken banned. Apparently he was a professional fowl.
I like to think outside the box, although it has ended my career as a goalkeeper.
They say football is a game of two halves.
My mate Dave can get through about seven pints during a match.
My team has had the same score in almost all their games this season, all 4-1 and one 4-4. Well done the Musketeers.
Hired Dracula as our keeper, but he was rubbish. Scared of crosses.
Cinderella wasn’t great as a striker.
Kept running away from the ball.
Greek mythological team had a striker who was half man, half horse.
He was their centaur forward.
If you like these football jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.
Clean Football Jokes
Our clean football jokes deal with some basic rules of football as well. So, if your kid is a crazy football fan then put his knowledge to the test to see how much he has learnt so far about the game.
What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?
A football coach.
Why can’t the Detroit Lions player get into his own driveway?
Someone painted an endzone on it.
Why can’t you play football with pigs?
They hog the ball.
How are scrambled eggs like a losing football team?
They’ve both been beaten.
Which football team has the coolest helmets?
The one with the most fans.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Uriah.
Uriah who?
Keep Uriah on the ball.
Why is it always warmer after a football game?
All the fans have left.
How do you get out of a locked car if you have nothing but a football?
Unlock the door and pull the handle.
I was wondering why the football was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
Why was the pig ejected from the game?
For playing dirty.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism?
The guy retained possession!
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
Then you’ll be charged with interference.
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns when playing?
Because they produce audible groans!
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All porpoise yardage!
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement?
Gridirony!
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up.
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave.
What do you call 20 Vikings fans in the basement?
A whine cellar.
Dirty Football Jokes
Unlike clean football puns, it’s hard to find dirty football jokes on the internet these days. Yet, we have managed to collect some of the best puns that are dirty and funny at the same time.
The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
He’s off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
It’s a game of inches.
That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.
He’s gonna feel that one tomorrow.
He found his tight end.
End around.
He had to stretch to get it in.
He gets penetration in the backfield.
He blows them off (at the line).
He bangs it in.
He could go all the way.
He gets it off just in time.
He goes deep.
He found a hole and slid through it.
He pounds it in.
American Football Jokes
Football is like a festival in America and this is why we believe that no one could understand football puns better than Americans themselves. As a matter of fact, we’ve got a bunch of American football jokes, right here!
The qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb. -Knute Rockne
Kinda feel bad for Tim Tebow. Did a lot in Denver. But sometimes you just have to sacrifice a virgin. -Rick Reilly
I give the same halftime speech over and over. It works best when my players are better than the other coach’s players. -Chuck Mills
He’s not a compassionate person at all, from what I understand. And that makes me want to just pummel somebody. -Emmitt Smith, on Redskins owner Daniel Snyder
Football is easy if you’re crazy as hell. -Bo Jackson
He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words. -Urban Meyer, on one of his players
Football combines the two worst features of American life: violence and committee meetings. -George Will
I never graduated from Iowa, but I was only there for two terms: Truman’s and Eisenhower’s. -Alex Karras
Most football players are temperamental. That’s 90% temper and 10% mental. -Doug Plank
When I played football, I never set out to hurt anybody deliberately unless it was, you know, important, like a league game or something. -Dick Butkus
If you’re mad at your kid, you can either raise him to be a nose tackle or send him out to go play on the freeway. It’s about the same. -Bob Golic
How do you know if a Georgia football player has a girlfriend?
You see tobacco juice on both sides of his F-150.
How many Alabama freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That’s a sophomore course.
What do you have when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders together?
A full set of teeth.
How do you get an Auburn cheerleader into your dorm room?
Grease her hips and push.
How do you get a Texas A&M player off your front steps?
Pay him for the pizza.
Why is the Vanderbilt football team like a possum?
Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
What are the three longest years of a Mizzou football player’s life?
His freshman year.
Where was O. J. headed in the white Bronco?
Lexington, Kentucky. He knew that the police would never look there for a Heisman winner.
The Ole Miss Coach is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week. The other half will have to dress themselves.
Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?
You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.
Football Jokes for Kids
Truth to be told, kids never get tired of jokes and they may even keep laughing at the silliest one-liner for a long time. Thus, if you, as a parent is searching for some fun activities with little humans, football jokes for kids can do the job. Take a look!
What did the receiver say to the football?
Catch you later.
What happens to football players who go blind?
They become referees.
Where do football players go when they need a new uniform?
New Jersey.
When should football players wear armor?
When they play knight games.
What do you call a lineman’s kid?
A chip off the old blocker.
Which football game do cats like to watch?
The Goldfish Bowl.
What do centers wear on their feet?
Hiking shoes.
Which two football teams played in the pirate Superbowl?
The Seahawks and the Buccaneers.
Football Jokes for Adults
Football jokes are similar to the weather, they come and go like a season. One day the fans are laughing at Manchester United, whereas the following week, Arsenal is the center of all gags. But one thing is certain: football and humor go hand in hand. Here are some of the best football jokes for adults available.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever downfield.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain.
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
How did Scrooge end up with the football?
The ghost of Christmas passed.
Did you hear about the football field NASA built on the moon?
They used astroturf.
Which are the best animals at football?
A score-pion.
Where do football players go shopping in the offseason?
The tackle shop.
How do football players stay cool?
By standing close to the fans.
What happened to the joke that Tom Brady told his receivers?
It went over their heads.
My wife left me because she says I’m too obsessed with football.
Oh well, we had five good seasons together.
Why did the football player cross the field?
To get to the other sideline.
8 p.m.: I get a text from my girlfriend that says, “Me or football?!”
11 p.m.: I text back, “You, of course.”
Where do Jedi play football?
On the force field.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman-ship.
College football is introducing the Rosary Bowl…
Every play is a Hail Mary.
Two football players are in a bar.
One walks up to the other and says, “Hey, wanna shot?” The other says, “I’ll pass.”
Why is the football stadium so windy?
Because of all the fans.
Someday, I want to make an edgy football joke on Facebook.
It’s my goal post.
The last time I played tackle football without pads, I broke three ribs and a collar bone.
Fortunately, none of them were mine.
What did the football player say to the flight attendant?
“Put me in coach!”
Why do coaches like punters?
Because punters always put their best foot forward.
What football player has very strong legs and builds houses?
A car-punter.
What does JETS stand for?
Just End The Season.
How many Jets fans does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they are happy living in New England’s shadow!
What do you call a New York Jet with a Super Bowl ring?
A thief.
Want to hear a Chicago Bears joke?
Jay Cutler.
What is the difference between a Los Angeles Rams fan and a baby?
A baby will stop whining after a while.
Final Thoughts on Football Jokes
If you have any football fans in your house, whether they go to huge games, watch matches live, or even participate in a local or school club, there are chances that they might have missed the football jokes in all the hustle and bustle. We have everything from adult football jokes to kid-friendly football jokes.
Most of these football jokes are based on international football teams and players, but you can just substitute in the name of the team or player of the person you’re trying to wind up – these oldies have a lot of mileage.
These lighthearted jokes about football can be shared everywhere. Send them to school with your child. Add one in their lunch for some midday levity or if you are a teacher, please feel free to share these with your students.
So, keep your football party alive with our entertaining football jokes, and don’t forget to share this amazing collection in your friends’ circle as well.
