157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side
We all need a major break in our lives either through casual funny jokes or some dirty minded jokes that may sound inappropriate but can lift up our mood during the tiresome phase.
As we all have met two types of people in our lives; those who enjoy dirty minded jokes and those who claim they don’t really but are lying.
Adult dirty riddle jokes are some of the most beautifully produced, genuinely laugh-out-loud jokes. Such kind of jokes could bring a smile on anyone’s face or could crack them up in a knotty situation.
There is no shame in accepting for your bawdy sense of humor and rolling on the floor laughing at R-rated jokes with your buddies.
So, before you dive in, grab some snacks and drink to enjoy these dirty minded jokes and abandon all your worries for the moment.
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Table of Contents
Best Dirty Minded Jokes
Are you in need of some dirty minded jokes? Well, don’t you get tense because we have got you covered with a bunch of dirty jokes to share with your friends and family.
“Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled. “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
What’s the difference between a job and marriage?
A job still sucks after 10 years.
If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
What are the three shortest words in the English language?
“Is it in?”
Why do women talk so much and why do guys think so much?
Because one has two lips and one has two heads.
Why does a woman prefer an old gynecologist over a new one?
Because the old one has shaky hands.
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because they won’t stop to ask directions.
Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with, ‘I can’t talk now, I’m going into a tunnel.
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”
What’s the best thing about gardening?
Getting down and dirty with your hoes
What’s the difference between me/you and a mosquito?
A mosquito will stop sucking once you slap it.
What’s the difference between you and the refrigerator?
The refrigerator doesn’t moan when I put my meat in it.
I took a Viagra the other day. It got caught in my throat and all I ended up with was a stiff neck.
It starts with the letter “P” and ends in “O.R.N”. I play a major role in the film industry. What am I?
Popcorn.
What four-letter word begins with “f” and ends with “k,” and if you can’t get it you can always just use your hands?
A fork
I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small.
Funny Dirty Minded Jokes
If you are having a tough time while coming up with your own dirty jokes then we would suggest you to, go through the given dirty mind funny jokes for a good giggle.
What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?
“I want you inside me.”
“I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time,” a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, “Your penis is bigger than your brother’s.”
What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block?
A beaver dam!
What do a pizza delivery person and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it but can’t eat it.
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?
“Thanks for coming!”
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
Unless you spread it, you might not enjoy it. What is it?
Butter.
What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker could wash her crack and resell it.
A cow has four. All women have only two. What is it?
Legs.
Most of the time when I go in, I cause some pain. I can fill your holes when asked to. I sometimes ask you to spit and not swallow it. Who am I?
A dentist.
You play with it at night and it vibrates. What is it?
A cell phone.
You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. What am I?
Tent
What’s long and hard when it’s young and soft and small when it’s old?
A candle.
What is the difference between a woman’s G-spot and a quarter?
Men actually have a chance of finding a quarter when they search for it.
Hilarious Dirty Minded Jokes
Though adulthood is all about taking responsibility for your own decisions in life, a little pause through dirty adult jokes can really perk you up. Have a look at the dirty jokes below and don’t forget to share them in your circle.
How do you make a pool table laugh?
Tickle its balls.
An old woman walked into a dentist’s office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, “I think you have the wrong room.” “You put in my husband’s teeth last week,” she replied. “Now you have to remove them.”
Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.
What’s the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you stick the cucumber.
A family’s driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son’s innocence, the mother turns around and says, “Don’t worry, dear. That was just an insect.” “Wow,” the boy replies. “I’m surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!”
If they’re making cakes for divorces, why not ‘Happy Menopause!’ ‘Mmm, it’s a bit dry. Why is there no jam? Have you run out of eggs?
You never know where to look when eating a banana.
The young couple next door to me have recently made a sex-tape. Obviously, they don’t know that yet.
I bought a box of condoms earlier today. The cashier asked if I’d like a bag.
I said “no, I’ll just turn the lights off.”
The annoying thing about Christmas is running out of batteries because the kids want them for their toys. I’m sorry, but if Christmas is coming – so am I.
What do you call a video of two toads having sex?
Frogspawn.
What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between br*asts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A Seatbealt
When at the supermarket, I always pick the cashier who’s most likely to have sex with me. Always end up at self-checkout.
I’m the highlight of many dates. I’m especially responsive when you put your fingers deep inside me. What am I?
A bowling ball
Knock Knock Dirty Minded Jokes
Knock-knock jokes were never out of trend and people still love and appreciate them, every now and then. Check out these dirty minded knock knock jokes that will keep everyone guessing.
Knock Knock,
Who’s there?
Alpha.
Alpha Who?
Alpha Cure Mom.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Jamaican.
Jamaican who?
Jamaican me horny.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ice cream.
Ice cream who?
Ice cream all night if you’re lucky.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
May I come in?
May I come in who?
Not till we have a serious discussion about birth control.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dozer.
Dozer who?
Dozer the biggest breasts I’ve ever seen.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ben. Ben who?
Ben down and lick my boots!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Anita.
Anita who?
Anita you inside me.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dewey! Dewey who?
Dewey have a condom handy?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Baghdad.
Baghdad who?
I’d love to see you Baghdad butt up.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ivan. Ivan who?
Ivan to do something naughty with you!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Waiter.
Waiter who?
Just waiter I get my hands on you.
Knock, knock.
Come in.
God damn it.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Amanda.
Amanda who?
Amanda lay you, and then your lonely nights are over!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there? (Sexy voice)
Who would you like it to be?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Al! Al who?
Al give you a kiss if you open this door!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ima Reilly
Ima Reilly who?
Ima Reilly excited to see you naked later.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nicholas! Nicholas who?
Knickerless girls shouldn’t climb trees.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Fuck you said.
Fuck you said who?
“Me!”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Amos. Amos who?
A mosquito bit me!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Andy.
Andy who?
And he bit me again!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Howie.
Howie who?
Howie gonna hide this affair from your husband?
Dirty Minded Jokes and Riddles
If you are in search of dirty riddle jokes to ask your friends, then keep the ball rolling because this hub has got a bunch of dirty jokes to entertain your pals. Have a look!
What comes after 69?
Mouthwash.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Donald Trump has a small one. And Seal doesn’t have one at all. What am I?
A last name
I am dirty, I love being filled with wood, but someone only goes down on me once a year. What am I?
A fireplace.
You must blow me to play with me. What am I?
A balloon.
I have a long shaft. I always penetrate with the tip first and I always come with a quiver. What am I?
Arrow
What’s the maximum speed limit during sex?
68. Because when you hit 69, you’ll need to turn around!
What can you find in a man’s pants that you’ll never find in a woman’s?
Pockets.
What stays moist when you tie up its legs?
A turkey.
I’m usually six inches long, roughly two inches wide, and everyone loves having me in their pants?
A $100 bill.
Sometimes a finger goes inside me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?
Your wedding band.
Dirty mind test: What starts with d and ends with ick?
Drumstick.
What gets wetter when things get steamy?
Steamboats.
I’m hard and hairy on the outside but soft and wet on the inside. What’s inside me tastes great in your mouth. What am I?
A coconut.
You use your hand to whack me off, the bigger I am, the louder I make people scream. What am I?
A spider.
I can be short or long, I bring people great joy and you can have multiple at the same time. What am I?
Tweets.
What do newly married couples get on their wedding day that’s long and sometimes hard?
A new last name.
What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.
I want to be inside you every day, and you can set me to vibrate for extra fun. What am I?
An electric toothbrush.
Name a word that starts with “f” and ends with “u-c-k”?
Firetruck!
You put your hands on me the first thing in the morning. You always play with me in bed before you get to sleep. I mostly live in your pants and I am always in your mind, you cannot live without me. What am I?
A smartphone.
Dirty Minded Jokes with Answers
Catch a glimpse of these filthiest dirty minded jokes with answers and make sure to share these dirty riddles for a naughty mind with your friends at the upcoming slumber party and enjoy the night.
Why does a mermaid wear seashells?
Because she outgrew her B-shells!
How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
What do you do when your cat’s dead?
Play with the neighbor’s pussy instead.
What has 148 teeth and holding back a monster?
My zipper.
What is Moby Dick’s dad’s name?
Papa Boner.
What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball!
What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato?
A dictator!
What did the leper say to the sex worker?
Keep the tip.
What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A submarine!
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
Why did the squirrel swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
What do you call a nurse with dirty knees?
The Head nurse
What is the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear and one’s a great year.
I am made of either latex or rubber. You wear me for protection every time you feel not so comfortable with what you are dipping yourself into. You use your fingers to get me on and pull me off. What am I?
Gloves.
I assist with e**ctions. Sometimes, giant balls hang from me. I’m known as a big swinger. What am I?
A crane
Dirty Minded Jokes for Adults
No one is telling you that you should stop making juvenile jokes; we think they’re hilarious, too. But dirty adult jokes, on the other hand, may be are more acceptable and entertaining pick as you become older. Enjoy these dirty minded riddles for adults.
I’ll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives forty miles away.
What do you get when you jingle Santa’s balls?
A white Christmas!
What’s the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What three-letter word starts with an “s,” ends with “x,” and has a vowel in the middle?
Six
What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?
Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.
A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. So he gives it to her.
If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?
I come in different sizes, shapes and colors. I occasionally drip. It can sometimes feel good when I am blown and sometimes, it can be painful. What am I?
Nose.
I’ve currently got a stalker. But you probably can’t tell in these trousers.
I’m spread out before being eaten. Your tongue gets me off. Sometimes people l*ck my nuts. What am I?
Peanut butter
I’m going out with an English teacher, which is a bit awkward because she keeps correcting my grammar during sex. She’s particularly annoyed at my improper use of the colon.
All day long it’s in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?
An elevator
Dirty Minded Jokes and Puns
Planning to throw some dirty mind questions at your buddies during the party? Well, then keep an eye on these questions because such dirty jokes can surely put them up in an awkward position. Get a look.
A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, “Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?”
The boyfriend says, “Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again.”
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
Why can’t you hear rabbits making love?
Because they have cotton balls.
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, “Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!” The woman says, “Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!”
Do you need a carpenter?
Because I could nail you then hammer you.
What are the 2 most important holes in a woman’s body?
Her nostrils.
Are you a coconut?
I want to smash you until all the white stuff comes out.
Why are women like Popeye’s?
Because once you’re done with the breast and thighs all you have is an empty box to put your bone-in.
What do a boyfriend and a spider have in common?
Women always exaggerate how big it is.
What’s the difference between your penis and a bonus check?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
Why don’t witches wear underwear?
Because they need a better grip.
I didn’t have sex at all, not a scrap til I was 67. And that was cos I’d no small change for the window cleaner.
All men have it. Some have theirs longer than others sometimes depending on where they come from. The Pope and most Catholic bishops rarely use theirs. Men usually give it to their wives once they are married. What am I?
Their last name.
Want to know a proven way a man and woman can be friends without s3x?
Marriage.
Funniest Dirty Minded Jokes
What’s better than a good laugh? Of course, a fantastic joke full of snark and sarcasm. We’ve got all kinds of funniest dirty minded jokes covering from the nasty dark humor to toilet humor as well.
“I’d rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,” the woman told her dentist. He replied, “Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.”
What do a good woman and a good bar have in common?
Liquor in the front and poker in the back.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
Because his right hand caught on fire.
What’s the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?
A washing machine doesn’t follow me home after I dump a load in it.
What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common?
They both take it in the back and go “whoot whoot.”
What did the police catch the naked man breaking into Zales?
They grabbed him by the jewels.
How do you spot a blind guy at a nude beach?
It’s not hard.
The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup. I said, “Well, I’m pretty good, but I don’t think I’m ready to compete just yet.”
What do you do when a woman’s choking?
Back up a few inches.
What does a robot do after a one-night stand.
Nuts and bolts.
I’ve never laughed a woman in to bed, but I’ve laughed one out of bed many times.
I am mostly six inches long. I go in and out of your mouth in a rhythmic pattern. I am more comfortable when wet and very unpleasant when dry. I can be more fun when I vibrate. In the end, I make you happy and confident. Who am I?
A toothbrush.
What’s the difference between Covid and your legs?
I don’t want Covid to spread.
A Christian friend of mine said that sex between two men is wrong in their eyes.
I said, ‘You’re right, it’s supposed to be up the bum!
Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Make You Laugh
Considering the current situation around the globe, lighting up anyone’s face with a smile through clean jokes or inappropriate jokes can be a great blessing. Catch a glimpse of these dirty jokes and gear up yourself for a comfortable laugh.
What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.
What goes in hard and comes out close and wet?
Chewing gum.
A guy is sitting at the doctor’s office. The doctor walks in and says, “I have some bad news. I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating.” “I don’t understand, doc,” the patient says. “Why?” “Because,” the doctor says. “I’m trying to examine you.”
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn’t know either.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
What’s a lesbian’s love language?
Speaking in tongue.
A dad tells his son “Stop masturbating! if you do it too long you will go blind.”
The son replied “Dad, I’m over here.
A woman walks out of the produce section with bad news.
She changed the cucumber into a pickle.
What do you do when you’re a man trapped in a woman’s body?
You pull out.
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
When I was 11, my mum gave me a lecture about cunnilingus. I look back as an adult and I think, ‘Oh, she obviously wanted to empower me to find my own pleasure.’ It had the exact opposite effect – there is no way you can enjoy yourself with a man between your legs if you’re thinking, ‘Hmm, Mum’d be proud.
The only thing I can offer to put ladies at ease is that I am of no sexual threat whatsoever. I’m 42 years of age, I literally have to hit it with nettles. Sex with me these days is akin to thumbing marshmallows into the anus of a cat.
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common?
They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms. She said, “Depends what’s in it for me.”
Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, ‘Yes, who did you think it was?
Final Thoughts on Dirty Minded Jokes
Now, that we have entered adulthood, most of us have grown out of those cliché, childhood or teenage ‘clean jokes’ and hence we prefer funny adult jokes over them.
Though many people would pretend they don’t like dirty jokes or they don’t understand them, but deep down we all know that everyone enjoys receiving a slightly naughty message or laughing at a well-told dirty minded joke.
For us being adults, dirty jokes become more acceptable and entertaining alternative in any situation. Therefore, we have shared with you a few dirty minded jokes to have a good laugh while no one is watching.
Dirty minded jokes are never meant to be decent; instead, they are always inappropriate yet funny.
Thus, if you’re brave and bold enough to throw a punchline from the presented dirty minded jokes, then we hope that you will be rewarded with all the chuckles from the herd.
