160 Hilarious Dark Humor Jokes to Help People Relax

Laughter has long been hailed as a powerful tool for relieving stress and promoting relaxation.

As renowned philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.”

In line with this wisdom, dark humor jokes offer a unique and often unexpected perspective on life’s challenges, allowing us to find humor in the seemingly bleak.

Prepare yourself for a compilation of dark humor jokes that will not only make you laugh but also provide you with a much-needed break from the stresses of daily life.

Best Dark Humor Jokes

You’re about to set out on an adventure where comedy meets the macabre and the best dark jokes are waiting for your wicked sense of humor.

Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 500 metres of a school?
Because he’s dead.

A man and a woman are walking through the woods at night when the woman says I’m scared.
How do you think I feel? The man replies. I have to walk back alone.

Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital?
Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

I had a crush on my teacher, which was confusing, because I was homeschooled.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you.
But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

Dark humor is like food
Not everyone gets it.

A child molester and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

Son: Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?
Dad: Call me George.

Life is like a peepee
It’s often hard for no reason.

Where did Sharon go during the bombing?
Everywhere.

What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.

What’s the best part about turning 60?
No more calls from life insurance salesmen.

My grandpa has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

What’s the difference between a baby and a potato. About 140 calories.

What’s the special in a restaurant for cannibals?
Heads, shoulders, knees and toes.

In New York, someone gets mugged every ten seconds.
Poor guy.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Grandma: Most people your age are married by now, why aren’t you?
Me: Most people your age are dead by now, why aren’t you?

Funny Dark Humor Jokes

Dark humor, which pushes limits and challenges social standards, straddles the line between shock and laughter in the world of comedy. So, get prepared for hilarious dark-humor jokes!

For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.

When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.

Gen Z should change their name to…
Quaranteens.

What does a Gen Z dog say when something bad happens?
Woof.

What did the Gen Z baker yell when he tossed the dough?
YEEST.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don’t matter what you call it. It ain’t coming.

What animal has five legs?
A pitbull returning from a playground.

Boy: Mom, can I have a dog for Christmas, please?
Mom: No, you’re getting turkey, like every year!

My wife and I have decided we don’t want children.
The only problem is we already have three.

Wife: I want another baby
Husband: That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one

What do you get when you cross a rabbit and a pit bull?
Just the pit bull.

Madam, your son just called me ugly!
I’m so sorry, I must have told him like a thousand times it’s wrong to judge people on their looks…

What do you call people who use the rhythm method of contraception?
Parents.

Why did two Asian parents have an Asian baby?
Because two wongs don’t make a white.

I childproofed my house
Somehow they still got in!

Why don’t cannibals eat comedians?
Because they taste funny!

Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.

Hilarious Dark Humor Jokes

Do you know that people can find therapy in dark humor? Simply go through these funny dark-humor jokes and then let us know how you feel.

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

How do you know you’re ugly?
If you always get handed the camera for group photos.

Why can’t you get a book on how to commit suicide at a library?
Because you wouldn’t bring it back.

Shout out to my grandma since that’s the only way she can hear you.

What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?
A tearjerker.

What makes sad people jump?
Bridges.

You’re not completely useless.
You can always be used as a bad example.

Man: Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: What? But I’m not dead yet!
Doctor: And we’re not there yet.

Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

Patient: Oh Doctor, I’m starting to forget things.
Doctor: Since when have you had this condition?
Patient: What condition?

Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten
Man with cancer: Months? Weeks? Days?
… Nine. Eight …

It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on technology. So I unplugged his life support. (ref)

What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running, but can’t remember where.

It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words antidote and anecdote, one of my good friends would still be alive.

I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

I’ll never forget my granddad’s last words to me just before he died: Are you still holding the ladder?

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a clown into the tiny car.

I work with animals, the guy says to his date. That’s so sweet, she replies. I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work? I’m a butcher, he says.

Knock Knock Dark Humor Jokes

Sometimes, a simple knock at the door can lead to hilarity, even in the darkest corners of humor. These dark humor knock-knock jokes are waiting for you.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Woz.
Woz who?
Up your wazoo!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Jamaican.
Jamaican who?
Jamaican me horny.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Europe.
Europe who?
I am not a poo! how dare you.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
School.
School who?
School your ass.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Asshole!
Asshole who!
Open the door and find out, asshole!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Fuck you said.
Fuck you said who? Me!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Some! Some who?
Some asshole talking to a knock-knock joke.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Bull.
Bull who?
Bullshitter!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Tara.
Tara who?
Tara McClosoff.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Centipede.
Centipede who?
Centipede (Santa peed) on the Christmas tree.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
I eat mop.
I eat mop who?
You eat your poo?! Gross!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Not someone.
Not someone who?
Not someone who will get you laid.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Madam. Madam who?
Help madam finger is stuck in the door.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
(Sexy voice)
Who would you like it to be?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Justin.
Justin who?
You’re just in time to hear me fart!

Short Dark Humor Jokes

Prep yourself for an onslaught of dark humor that will come at you quickly and have you howling with laughter.

My therapist said time heals all wounds. So I stabbed her.

Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding she’d say: you’re next. So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

I went to visit my childhood home, but the people who lived there wouldn’t let me in. My parents are the worst.

Jokes about ISIS are all about the execution.

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.

Sex is like air. It only matters if you aren’t getting any.

If you think I would joke about Alzheimer’s, forget it.

Stop elephant poaching. Everyone knows the best way to eat an elephant is grilled.

I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. Erase my search history, son.

Doctor: You’ll be at peace soon
Man: Am I dying?
Doctor: No, your wife is

If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?

My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not fun to be around.

Top tip: If your wife says: what would you most like to do to my body?, identify it is the wrong answer.

Dark Humor Jokes No Limits

In the world of comedy, there are no boundaries, no limits, and no subjects too taboo to tackle. From the absurd to the macabre, these jokes will challenge your sense of humor.

People with Covid have no taste!

I have a joke about quarantine, but I don’t know if you’ll get it. It’s an inside joke.

How do you ground a gen z?
Make them go outside and socialize.

What do you call someone who won’t stop raving about how the world is going to end?
A climate scientist.

My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade

My grandparents fought during World War II.
They ended up getting a divorce.

My grandfather lost his tongue during WW2
He never talks about it.

Why did everyone want to go to Italy during World War II?
They were Fascistanating.

What did the German Shepherd say at his Nuremberg trial?
I was just following odors.

I don’t have a carbon footprint …
I walk everywhere.

Why are cigarettes good for the environment?
They kill people.

I’ve stopped making jokes about Covid. They flu over your heads.

What do you call it when everyone makes too many dumb Covid jokes?
A pundemic .

Why do they call it the novel coronavirus?
It’s a long story…

Since the pandemic started, my wife just stands there sadly looking through the window.
I should probably go let her in.

Dark Humor Jokes about Orphans

Although it may sound odd, dark humor has a way of making people laugh even when discussing really delicate matters.

I love telling jokes about orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Why do orphans suck at web design?
They don’t know what a home page is.

What does an orphan call a family photo?
A selfie.

What did the one orphan say to the other orphan?
Get in the Batmobile, Robin.

A large number of orphans become highly successful.
When your only options are to go big or go home, the decision is kind of out of your hands.

Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.

Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house is.

Why did the orphan sit alone in the corner?
They wanted some family time.

Kid: Did you know the f in orphan stands for family?
Orphan: You don’t spell orphan with an f.
Kid: Exactly.

What store can an orphan never find?
Home Depot.

What’s an orphan’s favorite beer?
Fosters.

What’s the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?
At least someone chose Pikachu.

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’
I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

What’s the difference between outlaws and orphans?
At least outlaws are wanted.

Orphans bake bread with what kind of flour?
Self-raising.

Dark Humor Jokes about Dads Leaving

The dark humor in the context of comedy has a talent for confronting taboo subjects. Set yourself for a selection of dad jokes with dark humor that will both shock and entertain you.

My dad left five years ago to get milk. I haven’t eaten cereal since.

What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.

Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.

Fathers take an extra pair of socks to golf in case they get a hole-in-one.

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words, Erase my search history, son.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

Father talks to his 5-year-old son: No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer. I’m not too worried.

A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. You can’t cut me down, the tree complains. I’m a talking tree! The man responds, You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.

A child determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, That’s arson.

Imagine when you walked into a bar, and there was a lengthy line of individuals ready to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.

Wife: I want another baby. Husband: That’s a relief. I also really don’t like this one.

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.

Dark Humor Jokes for Adults

Some jokes go beyond what is deemed appropriate in humor and are solely intended for mature audiences. Get prepared to enjoy a selection of dark humor jokes written especially for adults.

I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.
I was about to run and tell my wife, when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden…

I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.

I was raised as an only child, which I think was hard for my brother.

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He later told me it was the most violent book he’d ever read.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?

‘You the bomb.’ ‘No, you the bomb.’
A compliment in the US, an argument in the Middle East.

Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.

My wife left a note on the fridge saying, this is not working.
I don’t know what she’s talking about, the fridge is working fine.

Option 1: Let’s eat grandma.
Option 2: Let’s eat, grandma.
There you have it. Proof that punctuation saves lives.

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?
Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.
She just screamed at me and said: What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?

Son: How do stars die?
Dad: An overdose, usually.

Wife: I’m pregnant.
Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m dad.
Wife: No, you’re not.

Funniest Dark Humor Jokes

These jokes examine the ridiculousness of life in the most entertaining and surprising ways, from shocking turns to darkly humorous insights.

Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer?
It never gets old.

Life is like a box of chocolates.
It doesn’t last long for fat people.

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

Lovely saying. Terrible way to find out you’re adopted.

I read a book about an immortal dog.
It was impossible to put down.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving more than once.

My grief counsellor died.
He was so good, I don’t even care.

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to be positive, but it’s hard without him.

Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.

Priest: Do you have any last requests?
Murderer sitting in the electric chair: Yes. Can you please hold my hand?

Tombstone engraving: I told you I was sick!

I hope death is a woman.
That way it will never come for me. (ref)

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

MORBID MEDICAL MIRTH
Dentist: This will hurt a little.
Patient: OK.
Dentist: I’m having an affair with your wife.

Final Thoughts

We’ve been on a rollercoaster of bizarre punchlines and surreal humor thanks to the best dark humor jokes that are featured here.

Remember that dark humor serves as a cathartic release and offers a different viewpoint on life’s absurdities rather than being offensive or demeaning to others’ hardships.

So, enjoy the power of laughter, indulge in a little bit of gloom, and let these dark humor jokes provide a brief diversion from the gravity of the world. After all, perhaps some warped laughter is exactly what you need.