162 Hilarious Construction Jokes to Crack You Up

Construction work is an essential part of human civilization, responsible for shaping our world.

While the construction industry can be a demanding profession, construction jokes are often used to ease tensions on the job site.

As the famous philosopher and author Voltaire once said, “The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.”

So, let’s explore the lighter side of construction and discover some of the construction jokes that have kept workers entertained for generations.

Best Construction Jokes

Get ready to laugh with our selection of the best construction jokes that are definitely going to add fun to your day!

What nails do carpenters hate hammering?
Fingernails.

What does a house wear?
Address.

My friend thought he made a good construction joke. Unfortunately, there was absolutely no build up.

How do you confuse a construction worker?
Put a spade and a shovel in the corner, then tell him to take his pick.

Why was the builder so short?
Because he had been contracting for a long time.

Do you want to hear a roof joke?
It’s on the house.

Out of all the modern construction tools, I think the shovel is the most groundbreaking.

What do you call a fear of overly engineered buildings?
A complex complex complex.

Why was the concreter discharged after being accused of murder?
There was no concrete evidence.

What do airplane builders think about their job?
It is riveting.

Why did the plank of wood go into the bar?
He wanted to get hammered.

I have an excellent joke about construction but I still need to work on it.

Why did the plumber have to quit his job fixing baths, sinks and showers?
The work was just too draining.

People are often shocked when they find out what a bad electrician I am.

What is the lightest kind of building that you can construct?
A lighthouse.

Why did the busybody roofer perform such a poor job on the building?
He was consistently eavesdropping.

What is a builder’s favorite book?
“Tighten a Drill Bit” by Chuck Key.

Why did the construction worker love attaching steel together?
He found it riveting.

What did the window glazier say when he cut himself on the window glass?
This is extremely painful

Funny Construction Jokes

From builders to architects, anyone in construction can appreciate a good joke. Check out these funny construction jokes! So let’s get into it!

What did the old log of wood say to the new wood which was currently being sawed? He said, “You are just a chip off the old block”.

What did the worker say when the customer enquired as to whether the wooden ship will be reverted to its original shape?
“Don’t worry at all. Everything will be in ship-shape”.

Why are construction workers usually experts in arguing with others?
Because they are all excellent de-batters!

How can a weak-minded construction worker quit his job?
He has to give his too weeks’ notice!

What does a construction manager tell his workers?
He usually tells them to nail the delivery!

What did the construction worker do to remove all the troubles in his work?
He simply hammered the kicks away!

What happens when you press the button for the automatic hammer?
It sings out, ‘You can’t touch this’!

Why did the mayor fire more than half of the construction workers?
He had realized that a shovel could usually stand up on its very own!

What happens when you drive beneath an under-construction overpass?
You are supposedly under construction!

Why couldn’t I say anything when a worker asked me to comment on his tools?
It was due to the fact that I didn’t have any drill bits!

What do you think if you see the sign ‘Road Rehab’?
You will think that the road is addicted to numerous construction work!

What words would you hear if you remove a worker’s cap and wear it on your head? You would probably hear the Oi-SHA!

Why did the underwater construction company close down?
Perhaps because they went under!

Why was I unable to get construction supplies at the store?
Because they said that it was under construction!

What construction work would dogs do?
They would usually work on woofs!

What was the most groundbreaking invention?
It had to be the jackhammer.

What kind of criticism do architectural critics give?
They give constructive criticism.

Why couldn’t the worker open a restaurant named ‘The Crowbar’?
It isn’t easy to open a crowbar.

What did I do when my wife said that she loved heavy metal music?
I simply took her to visit a construction site!

What would you say if a construction company hires a lot of dwarves as their employees?
You would surely say that they are very short-staffed!

Hilarious Construction Jokes

Whether you’re a construction worker or simply appreciate a good joke, these construction jokes are sure to provide some comic relief.

Why did the contractor go on a diet?
He wanted to build up his structure.

What do you call a lazy demolition worker?
A de-construction.

Why don’t construction workers take coffee breaks?
They already have a lot of perks.

Why did the roofer refuse to go to the party?
He said it was over his head.

How does a construction worker stay cool?
By standing next to the fan.

Why did the carpenter get a new saw blade?
The old one was getting a bit sawdust-y.

What did the construction worker say to his boss when he didn’t get paid?
I need to raise a few concerns.

How do construction workers like their coffee?
Built strong.

Why was the construction worker always calm?
He had a lot of foundation to rely on.

How did the contractor know he was getting old?
He started counting his gray hairs in his cement mixer.

Why did the painter always work alone?
He didn’t want to brush shoulders with anyone.

What do construction workers wear on a hot day?
Tool shorts.

Why did the contractor decide to become a comedian?
He wanted to nail the punch lines.

What did the construction worker say to the lawyer?
Stop building a case against me.

How did the construction worker break his leg?
He was just working on a scaffold.

Why did the construction worker go fishing?
He wanted to catch a few beams.

Why did the plumber get lost?
He went down the drain.

How do you make a construction worker angry?
Pour cement into their boots.

Why did the electrician refuse to go to the bar?
He said it was too wired.

How do you get a construction worker to take a break?
Just tell them to concrete their thoughts.

What do you call a construction worker who can’t find his tools?
A hammerless handyman.

How do you know when a construction worker is telling the truth?
You can see it in their blueprints.

What did the construction worker say to the customer who complained about the mess? Don’t worry, we’ll just sweep it under the rug.

Knock Knock Construction Jokes

Who doesn’t love a good knock-knock joke? Check out our collection of knock-knock construction jokes that are sure to have you groaning in equal measure!

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Constructor.
Doctor who?
Oh my gosh, I’m such a big fan!

Knock, knock!
Who is there?
Boo.
Boo Who?
Don’t cry! The list has the funniest construction jokes.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Builder.
Builder who?
I want to build your House

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there? Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are, asking all these questions?

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Candice.
Candice who?
Candice door open, or am I stuck out here?

Construction Jokes One Liners

Short, sweet, and to-the-point construction one-liners are perfect for a quick laugh on the job site. Have a look at our collection of the best construction jokes.

A group of blondes walk into a building. You would think at least one would have seen it.

I was going to start off with a great joke about carpentry, but I wasn’t sure if it would work.

They hired a comedian at the local construction site. Everyone loves him. You could say he was really nailing it.

How many safety inspectors does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change it and three to hold the ladder.

My best friend rewired an elevator in our building so it would always display the wrong floor… I told him it was wrong on so many levels.

Yesterday, the cement-mixer was used for the first time. The results were pretty concrete.

The wasted concrete slabs are buried under the ground. We call the place a cemetery.

I finally managed to do some carpentry today and I’m so proud of myshelf.

A construction worker decided to go to a bar for a few drinks. He got hammered.

I heard some twin brothers were going as buildings to the school costume contest so I went as a plane, it didn’t fly to well with people.

I dreamt I was a muffler last night. Today I woke up exhausted

A group of escaped prisoners fell into some concrete as part of their getaway. Police are looking for hardened criminals.

Some friends of mine won’t believe me that I can make cement, they’ve asked for concrete evidence.

The thief was caught due to the help of the carpenter. They say the carpenter saw everything.

I’ve got another friend who drives a steamroller. He’s such a flatterer.

Marble is a valuable building material and should not be taken for granite.

I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it. It’s true, I saw it with my own eyes.

Saw an argument between a carpenter and a hairdresser. They were going at it hammer and tongs.

My cow saves every scrap of usable material. He’s recycle bull.

Clean Construction Jokes

While construction work can be messy, these clean construction jokes are appropriate for all ages and you will be entertained without crossing any lines.

What can you call a snake that loves building houses?
You call it a boa constructor!

Why did the constructor shy away from making construction jokes?
Because the joke still needed some work!

While constructing a house, which building has the least weight?
It most definitely is a lighthouse!

Why was the worker sad when a newly constructed window broke?
Because it was very pane-full for the worker.

How do Eskimos usually build their house?
He usually i-glues it!

Why are windows known to not laugh at any jokes?
Because they don’t really like cracking up!

Why did the painter come to work wearing two jackets on a sunny day?
Because the head constructor advised him to always put two coats!

Why are drills always upset for not having any friends at all?
Because drills are very boring!

Why is a construction worker usually known to put his fingers in blue colored paint? Because he wants to check the blueprint!

How do construction workers usually party?
They are always known for raising the roof!

What does a reptile carpenter in the Jurassic age use for cutting wood?
He probably used a dino-saw!

What similarity do you find between a volleyball player and a carpenter?
Both are equally known for liking hammer spikes!

Why does a hammer remain upset all the time?
Because he gets hammered every day!

What did the happy construction worker like attaching steel pipes with one another? Because he found that the work was very riveting!

What do two unknown constructors build when they share food together?
A friendship!

Why did the plumber leave fixing drains?
Because the work was too draining for him!

How do people react when they see a lousy electrician?
They usually are very shocked!

Why did the construction worker build a library when asked to build the world’s largest storied building?
Because he thought a library would have many stories!

Which book is the Bible for all constructors?
The book named ‘Knowing How to Tighten the Drill’ by Chuck Keys!

Dirty Construction Jokes

Not for the faint of heart! These dirty construction jokes are not suitable for all audiences but are guaranteed to make those with a twisted sense of humor laugh out loud.

To all the teachers who said I would be nothing but a construction worker and an alcoholic
Fuck you that just was a lucky guess.

I like to go around to construction sites and give out handjobs.
A Jack off all trades.

Hillary’s emails would make the perfect construction material for building the great Trump Wall…
Since no one can get the fuck over them.

Sex is like construction
You can choose the DIY option but you’re never truly satisfied but it’s better in the long run if done by someone with experience

What do you call prostitutes on construction sites?
Tricks of the trade

I saw a sign on the highway that read “End Road Construction.”
And I was like, shit, the anti-road construction people are getting vocal.

While waiting for road construction to clear…
I decided to make a set of boobs with the tar and gravel. I thought I was going to be in trouble for vandalism. I got 2 years for sexual asphalt.
I believe I created this joke… but who knows nowadays! 🙂

Construction Jokes for Adults

Searching for a bit of R-rated humor to spice up your workday? These construction jokes for adults are sure to satisfy your naughty sense of humor.

What do you call someone driving the road roller?
He is an absolute flatterer!

What did the chief constructor say to his juniors on their first day at work?
“Marble is a fine stone but never ever take it for granite!”

How was I able to cleanly cut a log of wood in two equal halves just by looking at it?
I simply saw it!

How does a worker plan his gym routine?
He hammers the logs, which help him pound a couple of shreds!

Which seasons are the most distinct in the Midwest?
Two seasons are most distinct- winter and construction!

What happens when a hairdresser and a carpenter starts arguing?
It eventually leads to both going at each other with hammer and tongs!

Why was the worker unsure of leaving his job when he got a much better opportunity in Egypt?
It was probably because he thought that it could have been a pyramid scheme!

What do you call someone who transports construction site materials from one place to another?
You call him a screw-driver!

What did the worker say about his favorite tool?
He said a shovel was a groundbreaking invention.

Which animals can be good construction workers?
Dogs. They are good at roofing!

Why was the accused worker discharged by the court?
Because they couldn’t find any concrete evidence against him!

Which bird is most ideally suited to work for a construction company?
It most obviously is a crane!

What is the main difference between a construction site and a bar of magnet?
A construction site has many poles, while a magnet has only two!

What did the worker say when the client said his work was dangerously poisonous?
“I did asbestos I could”.

How does a mechanical engineer react if a hammer is thrown towards him?
He ducts!

Why do you need to give directions to a brick wall?
It is perhaps because it is in need of re-pointing!

What did the chief engineer instruct during the construction of Big Ben?
He asked workers to work right under the clock.

What do you say to an amateur worker having difficulty with the saw?
“If you can pull it, then don’t bother pushing it”.

What is the advice that carpenters are given from their first day?
They are taught ‘Nails can fail, but the hammer shouldn’t ever stammer’.

Road Construction Jokes

Road construction can be frustrating, but these road construction jokes will help you find joy in a situation and make your commute a little more enjoyable.

What did the stand-up comic say about his road construction joke?
He could only lay it for everyone in some time.

I didn’t want to believe my friend was stealing from the road construction site.
But I went to his house to confront him and all the signs were there.

I’m working on a joke about road construction. Give me a few months to lay it all out.

I was going to tell you a Road construction Joke…
But I’m still working on it.
Reposted because my first attempt to tell this joke got the punch line removed.

I never expected my dad to steal from his road construction job…
but when I got home all of the signs were there.

The sporting goods store downtown was having a big sale on canoe paddles, but traffic and road construction made it real pain to get there…yeah, it was quite the ordeal to get the oar deal.

I couldn’t believe my son when he said he got fired from a road construction company for theft.
But, when I got home all the signs were there.

Did you hear about the construction worker who took up a job in a bar next to doing road work?
He’s a tar-tender now

I heard the farmer down the road was stealing from the construction area. I didn’t believe it…
But then I realized that all the signs were there.

I’m tired of the political signs people put up around every construction zone
Construction is necessary to keep our roads maintained. Please take your “End Construction” campaign signs down.

My sister and I were driving through some construction. When we got to the end, I saw the sign and said “End road work… solidarity” and raised my fist.

The bartender asks, “What can I get you?”
The construction worker replies, “One beer for me and one for the road.”

How does one construct a road at the artic pole?
One must use snow cones!

Construction Jokes and Puns

From wordplay to puns, these construction jokes and puns are sure to treat anyone with an appreciation for clever humor.

One of our construction workers just quit because he wasn’t strong enough to do the work. He gave us his two-weak notice.

I took a quiz about construction work. I screwed it up. I took it again and I nailed it.

I knew a guy who operated a steamroller for a living. He was known to be quite good with flattery.

What do construction workers say before they begin a job?
Let’s make sure we don’t screw this up.

I didn’t expect much from the movie about construction workers, but it was actually quite riveting.

What do construction workers say when they successfully complete a task?
Nailed it!

I didn’t want to believe my cousin was a construction site thief, but one afternoon, when I decided to visit his house, all the signs were there.

Have you heard the famous miracle about the blind construction worker?
One day he just picked up a hammer and saw.

Why do construction workers make bad bartenders?
When you order a stiff drink, they bring you a glass full of cement.

What is a construction worker’s favorite dance move?
Raise the roof.

Why did the construction worker not get fired for stealing a jackhammer?
There wasn’t enough concrete evidence.

The shovel remains one of the most groundbreaking construction tools ever.

Why do dogs make great construction workers?
They’re natural roofers.

A hopeless romantic drives a steamroller. He’s also quite a flatterer.

My manager asked me for a blueprint so I stuck my hand in blue ink and pressed my palm on his desk.

I respectfully applaud the workers who dedicate themselves to the construction of Big Ben. They really work around the clock.

What is a construction worker’s favorite view?
The OSHA

No one believes that I was able to cut through wood by staring at when I was a kid. But trust me, I saw it with my own eyes!

Dogs should have construction jobs. They are very good at roofing.

Final Thoughts

In conclusion, construction work is undoubtedly a challenging profession, but it’s always good to find humor in any situation.

We hope our collection of construction jokes and puns has brought some laughter to your day.

Remember, laughter is the best medicine, and sometimes a good joke can be just what the doctor ordered to help you get through a tough day on the job site.

Do you have any favorite builder jokes or construction-related puns to share? We would love to hear them!

So, let’s keep making the workday a little bit brighter for everyone. Thanks for reading!