166 Hilarious Chess Jokes to Tell When Playing with Friends
Let’s get into the world of chess, a game that combines strategy, intelligence, and wit.
Chess has fascinated minds for ages, forcing players to decipher its complicated puzzles and engage in strategic battles of intelligence and cunning.
Then again, who said chess couldn’t also be a source of humor and entertainment?
We’re giving you a compilation of amusing chess jokes today to help you have fun while playing in a friendly competition.
So get your fellow chess players together, set up your gaming boards, and prepare to chuckle your way across these jokes about chess.
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Table of Contents
Best Chess Jokes
Are you looking for some best chess jokes you have ever heard? So then, get ready to laugh out loud with the best chess jokes!
What do you call a chess player who just lost their queen?
An ex-queen-d player.
Why did the knight go on vacation?
To get away from all the check-mates.
Why was the chess board bad at playing hide-and-seek?
Because it always got checkmated.
Why did the chess player take a bus to the game?
Because he heard the knight bus was out of service.
What do you call a chess player who’s lost his bishop?
A bishop-ache.
What did the chess player say when he lost his queen?
“I guess its checkmate for me.”
What did the chess player say to his opponent when he won the game? “Thanks for playing, mate.”
Why did the chess player go to jail?
He was caught making illegal moves.
What did the chess player say when he was asked to describe his game in one word?
“Check-mate.”
Why did the chess player bring a flashlight to the game?
He wanted to shed some light on the situation.
What did the chess player say when he was asked if he had any pawns left? “Nope, they’re all gone with the wind.”
Why did the king refuse to play chess with the queen?
He was afraid of being check-mated.
What do you call a chess player who’s always losing?
Pawned.
What do you call a chess player who’s always winning?
A king.
Why did the knight go to the doctor?
He had a knight-mare.
Why did the rook go to the doctor?
He was feeling a little board.
What do you call a chess game between a cat and a mouse?
A game of cat and mouse.
What do you call a chess game between a cowboy and an Indian?
A Wild West chess game.
Why did the chess player take his rook to the bank?
He wanted to checkmate.
What do you call a chess player who’s good at math?
A knight-errant.
Why did the chess player wear a cap to the game?
He wanted to protect his king.
Funny Chess Jokes
We present to you a selection of humorous chess jokes that will lighten the mood and put smiles on the faces of both newcomers and seasoned players alike.
Why did the chess player go to the bank?
To check his mate!
Why did the king hire a chess coach?
He wanted to improve his reign.
What did the chess player say to the waiter?
“Check, please.”
Why was the chess board so expensive?
It was made of knight-mare wood.
What do you call a chess player who’s lost his queen?
A pawn broker.
Why did the chess player bring a ladder to the game?
He wanted to castle his king.
How does a chess player propose?
“Will you be my chess mate?”
Why don’t chess players go to the zoo?
They don’t want to see any cheetahs.
Why did the chess player take his wife on a romantic vacation to the pawn shop?
He wanted to show her how much he valued her.
What do you call a chess player who’s always asking for a rematch?
A sore loser.
Why did the chess player go to the dentist?
He had a toothache-ker.
What do you call a chess player who’s always daydreaming?
A chess-nut.
Why did the chess player bring a broom to the game?
He wanted to sweep the board.
What do you call a chess player who’s always playing with his food?
A knight-mare.
Why did the chess player bring a telescope to the game?
He wanted to see the endgame.
What do you call a chess player who’s always playing dirty?
A dirty pawn.
Why did the chess player bring a parachute to the game?
He wanted to make a bold move.
What do you call a chess player who’s always talking about his game?
A chess-bore.
Why did the chess player bring a calculator to the game?
He wanted to compute his moves.
Hilarious Chess Jokes
Chess, known for its deep thinking and intense concentration, can also be a source of laughter and amusement.
Why did the chicken cross the chessboard?
To get to the other side of the board.
Why did the chess player get a ticket?
For going over the knight limit.
Why did the chess player lose his job?
He took too many knights off.
What did the pawn say to the queen?
“I’ve been pawned off too many times.”
What do you call a chess player who’s always in a bad mood?
A sour-pawn.
What do you get when you mix a chess player and a magician?
A grandmaster of illusions.
Where do chess grandmasters keep their pet snakes?
In a chesst.
What’s a chess player’s favorite starter?
Pawn cocktail.
Why did the chess player bring a baseball bat to his game?
Just in case he needed a Squeeze play.
Why does Magnus Carlsen use Tinder?
To check for potential mates.
I had dinner with Garry Kasparov at a restaurant with a checked tablecloth. I asked him to pass the salt but it took 3 ½ hours.
Why did the pirates raid the chess tournament?
They were looking for a treasure chess.
Why did the chess player look disinterested?
He was playing a bored game.
Which chess piece is the most powerful?
The Knight, It goes over the top.
What do you call two chess enthusiasts bragging in a lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
What did one pirate say to the other when he beat him in chess?
Check matey.
Knock Knock Chess Jokes
Knock, knock! Who’s there? It’s time for some knock-knock chess jokes! Even on the chessboard, there’s room for a bit of light-hearted banter and silly wordplay.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Bishop.
Bishop who?
Bishop who just put you in check.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Queen.
Queen who?
Queen your room, it’s a mess.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Pudding.
Pudding who?
Pudding your king in a castled position is a great way to protect it.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ice cream.
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you checkmate me!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Figs.
Figs who?
Figs the location of your queen on the chessboard. It goes on its color.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
Butter castle your king before I checkmate you!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to play a game of chess with me?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Isabelle.
Isabelle who?
Isabelle necessary on a chess clock?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dewey.
Dewey who?
Dewey have to keep telling chess knock-knock jokes?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Candace.
Candace who?
Candace be the last chess knock-knock joke, please?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dwight.
Dwight who?
Dwight chess pieces make the first move in a game.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Yifan.
Yifan who?
No. Hou Yifan!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Juno.
Juno who?
Juno that I am a good chess player, right?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ivanchuck.
Ivanchuck who?
Ivanchuck to play chess with me.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Anita.
Anita who?
Anita put your king in check before you castle.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dozen.
Dozen who?
Dozen anybody here want to play chess?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Water.
Water who?
Water you going to do to get out of check?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Queen.
Queen who?
Queen your room. It’s a mess!
Chess Jokes One Liners
From witty observations to playful puns, these one-liners will not only entertain your fellow chess enthusiasts but also showcase your sharp sense of humor.
Patient: Doctor whenever I cough it sounds like this ‘pawn, bishop, queen. Doctor: Sounds like you have a chess infection.
When the King started telling a bedtime story to all the chess pieces, he said, “Once a pawn a time…”
You can never enjoy a game of Chess against an Australian. Every time he checks, you’ll think he’s won the game.
I love listening to knight music when I play chess.
My exotic bird challenged me to a game of chess I told him, “Toucan play at that game.
The major part of the brain that is used to play chess is the pons.
When Sponge Bob Square pants plays chess, he only uses live prawns.
A game that is a combination of chess, ‘Battleships,’ and ‘Connect Four’ is called rook, line, and sinker.
When Australian chess players finish their meals in the restaurant, they say, “Cheque, mate.”
My last chess game went a bit medieval. We both went for the castle.
When my friend asked if all the pieces were there in the chess set I had sold him, I told him to check, mate.
I don’t know where I put my queen after the last chess game. Maybe she’s lost I need to check.
Life is like a game of chess. I can’t play chess.
When Alexander was asked what his favorite board game was, he said, “Alek Hine think of is chess.”
Short Chess Jokes
In the world of chess, where long hours of concentration are the norm, sometimes it’s the short and snappy jokes that bring the most joy.
What looks like half a pawn?
The other half.
Where can you learn to play chess?
Knight school.
What do chess players like to eat?
Chess-nuts.
Which knight always gave up at chess?
Sir Render.
When is the best time to play chess?
Knight time.
How did the king lose his home?
One of the horses took his castle.
Why wouldn’t the cowboy play chess?
He was afraid he might lose his horse.
Why was the chess piece so lonely?
It was an isolated pawn.
Why did the knight wear glasses?
He had night blindness.
Why did the king go to the dentist?
To get his teeth crowned.
Why is chess banned in Islam?
Cause the queen moves freely.
Why was the chess board so wet?
The queen has reigned for years.
Why did the board game fall off the breakfast bar?
Counter-attack.
What’s a chess player’s favorite rock band?
Queen.
Clean Chess Jokes
Chess is a game enjoyed by people of all ages, and what better way to share the fun than with clean and wholesome jokes?
What do you call a chess player who’s always in a rush?
A fast pawn.
Why did the chess player bring a pillow to the game?
He wanted to cushion his bishop.
What do you call a chess player who’s always getting into trouble?
A pawn-tagonist.
Why did the chess player bring a shovel to the game?
He wanted to bury his opponent.
What do you call a chess player who’s always making mistakes?
A blunderbuss.
Why did the chess player bring a magnifying glass to the game?
He wanted to see the board better.
Why did the chess master throw up on the boat?
He got c6.
What is the favorite chess move of ants with bladder problems?
En pissant.
What did the judge do to the guilty chess player?
He threw the rook at him.
Why did the chess player give up playing the game?
They were really board.
Why can’t you move the castle diagonally in chess?
It’s a rocky error.
What did Michael Jackson say to his chess opponent?
“It don’t matter if you’re black or white.”
Why do chess players always have a lamp nearby?
Because they prefer to play at knight.
What do chess players from the Czech Republic call their friends? Czech-mates.
What did the chess grandmaster do when the big tournament was stressing him out?
He took the knight off.
Why did the chess player get tense in a restaurant?
Because the waiter said, “Check.”
What did the English chav say when he won a game of chess?
Check m8.
Dirty Chess Jokes
If you’re looking to spice up your chess banter with some cheeky humor, you’re in the right place.Let’s enjoy them together!
Catholic school is like a game of chess.
You don’t want to end up with the bishop in your ass.
Why are chess players good in bed?
They can find up to 8 G spots for their queen.
What is it called when two chess grandmasters have sex in Prague?
Czech mate.
Sex is like Chess
Every move you can think of already got a name
I beat a chess grandmaster in only three moves
Turns out he’s pretty shit at karate.
Arguing against an idiot is like playing chess against a pigeon
You strategically think of all the moves and you have the intelligence to win, but they will just shit on all the pieces and then strut around as if they’d won
Chess Champion
The reporter asked the reigning chess grandmaster “What do you do before your games ?”
“Well”, said the champ, “I never have sex on the night before a big match”
“Does that help you concentrate? “
“I’m not sure” he sighed “I don’t have sex any other night either”.
Why do Australians, when they go out to dinner, always talk about chess?
Seriously! They always ask for the checkmate, and it’s starting to piss me off.
If you’re concerned about your new partner’s sexual history, and you don’t want to catch genital warts, imagine you’re playing chess, not craps.
So don’t roll the dice. Check first, and then mate.
What do a chess player and a porn star have in common?
Thinking long and hard
What do you call chess pieces that have sex together?
Pawn stars.
A man and a dog are playing chess
A woman walks in and says “holy crap, your dog can play chess?! That’s amazing! What a brilliant dog! “
The man says “you think my dog is brilliant? Pffft. Hardly. He’s pretty dumb, I’ve won 19 games out of the 20 we’ve played.”
Bishop Chess Jokes
From their diagonal moves to their clerical symbolism, these bishop chess jokes are bound to delight both chess enthusiasts and fans of ecclesiastical humor.
What do you call a bishop who is always happy?
A jolly bishop.
Why did the bishop quit his job?
He didn’t want to be a pawn in someone else’s game.
What do you call a bishop who loves to cook?
A kitchen bishop.
Why did the bishop feel guilty?
He took the bishop’s pawn for granted.
What do you call a bishop who is always on time?
A punctual bishop.
Why did the bishop visit the dentist?
He had a bishop’s cavity.
What do you call a bishop who is always nervous?
A jittery bishop.
Why did the bishop go to the gym?
He wanted to be in bishop shape.
What do you call a bishop who is always telling jokes?
A witty bishop.
Why did the bishop break up with his girlfriend?
She was a chess addict and he didn’t want to be a bishop of burden.
Why did the bishop refuse to play chess?
He didn’t want to be a sacrificial lamb.
I’m not a chess expert, but I know my way around a bishop.
Why is the white bishop piece in chess the fastest?
Because it’s on F1.
What’s a chess player’s favorite type of sandwich?
A bishop’s bread.
Why did the bishop break up with the queen?
She was too controlling.
Chess Jokes and Puns
Welcome to a world where chess meets wordplay! In this collection, we combine the intellectual challenge of chess with the cleverness of puns to bring you a delightful fusion of wit and strategy.
I had lunch with a chess master in a diner that still used checked tablecloths. It took her three hours to pass me the catsup.
I went out to dinner with a check champion the other night. It took her 20 minutes to pass the salt and pepper.
There is a new game that combines cheese, battleship, and connect four. The game is called rook, line, and sinker.
Someone asked me how I was going to pay for my fancy new chess board. I replied, “With a check, mate”
A Slovak chess player was looking for someone to play with. He found the perfect partner when he paired up with a Czech mate.
I played my friend in a game of chess. She did not think that she could win but she wanted to check anyway.
What does a pirate say when he wins a game of chess?
Check matey.
Why do players from Australia hate moldy bread?
They do not like the stale mate.
What part of the brain is used to play chess?
The pons.
What song did Bob Seger write about the game of chess?
How the knight moves.
I think I lost my king after the last chess game. I will need to check.
When traveling with the horse in chess you always need to take the L train.
Chess players are surprisingly good at boxing. They pack a strong right rook.
This was actually a movie that was made about playing cheese. It’s called the Dark Knight Rises.
Why is a chess player good at dancing?
He has some good moves.
It seems like British chess players always win the game. Why is this?
The Queen never dies.
What is a group of chess nerds called when they’re bragging about their chess skills in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts roasting on an open fryer.
When I first started playing the game of chess I tried to move my Queen first. That was a rookie mistake.
A man in Africa was recently arrested for shooting at a huge chess set. Those big game hunters are nothing but trouble.
Final Thoughts
We hope these best chess jokes brought a smile to your face and added some laughter to your chess-playing experience.
Humor is a wonderful way to lighten the atmosphere and create memorable moments during games with friends or fellow enthusiasts.
Did these jokes crack you up? Have you come across any other side-splitting jokes about chess? We would love to hear from you!
Remember, laughter is the best companion on the chessboard, so let’s keep the fun going and continue spreading joy through the game we all love.
