156 Hilarious Blonde Jokes to Make You Laugh Out Loud
Get ready for a riotous ride of laughter as we get into the world of hilarious blonde jokes.
From renowned humorists to scientific studies on comedy, laughter has always been a universal language that brings joy and amusement to our lives.
As Oscar Wilde once said, ‘Life is too important to be taken seriously.’ In this exploration, we present to you the best, funniest blonde jokes that will make it super fun!
So, without further ado, let the laughter begin!
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Table of Contents
Best Blonde Jokes
Prepare yourself for laughter with our elite selection of the best blonde jokes. These jokes will bring you maximum amusement!
What do you say to a blonde that won’t give in?
Have another beer.
Why don’t blondes eat bananas?
They can’t find the zipper.
Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
To put their feet through.
How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
How do blondes pierce their ears?
They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Why don’t blondes eat Jello?
They can’t figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
What do blondes do for foreplay?
Remove their underwear.
What’s the mating call of the blonde?
“I’m *sooo* drunk!”
What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
(Screaming) “I said: I’m drunk!”
How can you get a blonde to laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman?
You have to hollow out the head.
What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A thought.
What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?
They both swallowed a lot of semen.
Why does a blonde wear green lipstick?
Because red means Stop.
Did you hear about the blonde with a PhD in Psychology?
She’ll blow your mind, too.
Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
It’s not real bright, but it’s cheap, and spreads easy.
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
Because that’s where you’re supposed to wash vegetables.
What’s the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
They know how many went down on the Titanic.
Why are blondes like corn flakes?
Because they’re simple, easy and they taste good.
Why did the blonde tattoo her zip-code on her thigh?
She wanted a lot of male in her box.
What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop
How do you get a blonde on the roof?
Tell her drinks are on the house.
Why do blondes wear underwear?
To keep their ankles warm.
What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
A blow job with handlebars
What’s the difference between a blonde and a guy?
The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?
She couldn’t figure out who the other mother was.
What’s the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
It’s difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
Why don’t blondes get coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
Funny Blonde Jokes
Get ready to chuckle your way through our collection of funny blonde jokes. Our jokes will definitely put a smile on your face.
What do blondes do with their assholes in the morning?
Pack their lunch and send them to work.
Why do blondes like tilt steering?
More head room.
Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
More leg room.
Why don’t blondes eat pickles?
Because they can’t get their head in the jar.
What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter.
What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
Bucket seats.
How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
How did the blonde die ice fishing?
She was run over by the Zamboni machine.
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, “Daaady!”
How do you get rid of blondes?
Form a circle, give each blonde a gun and tell them they are a firing squad.
Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking
down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10: bill. Who picks it up?
None of them, two don’t exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
How do blonde brain cells die?
Alone.
There are 17 blonds standing outside a disco but why couldn’t they get in?
The sign said, “Must be 18 to enter”.
Why are there no brunette jokes?
Because blondes would have to think them up.
A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
“Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”
What did the blondG do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
She moved.
Did you hear about Pepsi’s new soda just for blondes?
It has “open other end” printed on the bottom.
Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears?
They’re refueling.
Hilarious Blonde Jokes
Hold onto your seats because we’re about to unwind a storm of joy with our collection of truly hilarious blonde jokes.
Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio?
She didn’t want one for nights.
What about the blonde who gave birth to twins?
Her husband is out looking for the other man.
Did you hear about the dead blonde in the closet?
She was last years hide and seek winner.
Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.
How do you brainwash a blonde?
Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
How do you drown a blonde?
Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
What do you call a blonde with a brand new PC?
A dumb terminal.
Why are blonde jokes so easy to understand?
So brunettes can understand them.
How did the blond burn her ear?
The phone rang while she was ironing.
How does a blonde make instant pudding?
She places the box in the microwave and looks for the “instant pudding setting” button.
Did you hear about the blonde that went to the library and checked out a book called “How to Hug”?
When she got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia.
What do you call 24 blondes in a cardboard box?
A case of empties.
Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
Because on the box it said from 2-4 years.
Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
The vegetable garden.
Dumb Blonde Jokes
Explore the realm of classic dumb blonde jokes that playfully poke fun at stereotypes. You will surely appreciate the humor in their playful absurdity!
Why do Spice Girls have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes go in first.
Why do Spice Girls have TGIF on their shirts?
Tits go in front.
What is the best thing about getting a blow job from a Spice Girl?
10 minutes of silence.
What do you do if a spice girl hurls a grenade at you?
Take out the pin and throw it back
What’s the difference between an intelligent Spice Girl and a UFO?
Dunno – never seen either!
What is the difference between a Spice Girl and a 747?
Not everyone has been inside a 747.
Why do the Spice Girls smile when there’s lightning?
They think they are getting their photo taken.
What did the Spice Girls mum say to her daughter’s date?
If you’re not in bed by 11, go home.
What do you call a spice girl behind a steering wheel?
An air-bag.
How do you know when a Spice Girl has been making chocolate chip cookies?
You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
What does a Spice Girl and a beer bottle have in common?
They’re both empty from the neck up.
A blonde and the Spice Girls jumped off the Empire State building. Who landed first?
The blonde – the Spice Girls had to stop and ask directions!
How many Spice Girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they only screw in cars.
What do a turtle and a spice girl have in common?
Put them on their back and they’re both screwed.
Blonde Jokes One Liners
Are you looking for quick blonde humor? Our treasury of blonde jokes one-liners is packed with clever and concise jokes that will have you laughing immediately.
Why do blondes drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it.
What’s the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
Introduces herself. Walks home.
What’s the first thing a blonde does after sex?
Opens the car door.
How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
Kick open the car door.
What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
You don’t know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
What did the blonde think of the new computer?
She didn’t like it because she couldn’t get channel 9.
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
(With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
Her ankles.
Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
Because red means “Stop, wrong hole.”
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A mental block.
How do you change a blonde’s mind?
Blow in her ear.Buy her another beer.
Clean Blonde Jokes
Join us for some good, clean blonde jokes! These jokes are for all audiences, ensuring a laugh without crossing any boundaries.
Did you hear about the blonde couple that was found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see “Closed for the Winter”.
Why won’t they hire a blonde pharmacist?
They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks “Where did you get that?”
The pig says, “I won her in a raffle!”
What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
A blonde going through a flashing red light.
To a blonde, what is long and hard?
Grade four.
What is the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
She threw it off a cliff.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
To get chocolate milk.
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
“Oh look! Donut seeds!”
Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Why can’t blondes put in light bulbs?
They keep breaking them with the hammers.
How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
Flattered.
How do you confuse a blonde?
You don’t. They’re born that way.
Why couldn’t the blonde write the number eleven?
She didn’t know what number came first.
What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
Divorced.
Dirty Blonde Jokes
For those who enjoy a touch of spicy humor, we present our collection of dirty blonde jokes. Buckle up for some naughtier laughs!
What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.
How to you get a blonde to run laps?
Put her in a large round room and tell her to stand in the corner.
How do you get a Blonde to be quiet?
Just say to her “A penny for your thoughts.”
What do you call a blonde with 1 brain cell?
Gifted.
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.
What do blonde’s and dog poo have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
What did the Blondes left leg say to the Blondes right leg?
We could make a lot of money between us.
What do you call a blonde who never showers?
A dirty blonde
What’s six inches long, has a bald head, and drives Blondes crazy?
A hundred dollar bill.
A man is so happy he will be sleeping with a blonde girl.
He asks the blonde girl: How can I make you happy?
The blonde girl answers: Don’t disturb me.
What’s the difference between a pregnant blonde and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
Why don’t blondes talk during sex?
Their moms taught them never to speak to strangers.
What do the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?
They both swallow a lot of seamen.
Why do blondes love boob jobs?
It’s really the only job they’re qualified for.
What is the difference between a male blonde and a female blonde?
The female blondes sperm count is higher.
Why was the blonde’s belly button sore?
Her boyfriend was blonde too.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, “I slept with a Brazilian….”
The blonde replies, “Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?”
How do you know a blonde likes you?
She screws you two nights in a row.
Why are blondes so easy to get into bed?
Who cares?
What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
Last year’s hide-and-go-seek winner.
What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
All you can eat, under a buck.
Did you hear about the conceited blonde?
She screams her own name when she comes.
Why can’t blondes count to 70?
Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.
How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
Her crayons are still sticky.
What happens when you give 61 dollars to a blonde?
She wants 8 (ate) more.
What does a blonde and a turtle have in common?
If either one of them end up on their back they are both f*cked.
What’s the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
Short Blonde Jokes
In a hurry for a quick laugh? Our short blonde jokes pack a punch in just a few words. These bite-sized laughs are perfect for a giggle.
What does Star Trek’s Dr. Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
Space. The final frontier…
How do you make a blonde’s eyes twinkle?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Why couldn’t the blonde make ice cubes?
She forgot the ingredients.
Why was the blonde staring at a carton of juice?
Because it said concentrate.
How do you keep a blonde at home?
Build a circular driveway.
What does a blonde owl say?
What, what?
What do you get when offering a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
Change.
Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
From crawling across the street when the sign said “don’t walk”.
How does a stereotypical blonde spell Farm?
E-I-E-I-O.
What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
There have been sightings of UFOs.
How do you really confuse a blonde?
Put her in a circle room and tell her to sit in the corner.
What’s brown, red, black and blue?
A brunette who’s been telling one too many blonde jokes.
Why couldn’t the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?
She couldn’t find the recipe.
Why was the blonde so happy after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six
months?
Because on the box it said From 2 to 4 years.
What did the blonde say when her doctor told her that she was pregnant?
“Is it mine?
Long Blonde Jokes
Take a break and enjoy longer blonde jokes that unfold with comedic storytelling. Sit back, relax, and enjoy humorous narratives.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical Fairyland when they run into a fairy.
The fairy says that they can be granted a transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish.
The brunette immediately jumps off the bridge and yells “Eagle!” She turns into a beautiful bird of prey and flies away.
The redhead jumps off the bridge and yells out “Salmon!” She turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to spawn.
The blonde is at this point so excited that she jumps off the bridge without thinking of her wish.
She panics.
“Crap!”
There’s this blonde.
She gets on a plane and sits in the first available seat.
The flight attendant is coming around checking tickets.
She looks at the blonde woman’s ticket and tells the blonde; “ma’am you can’t sit here, your ticket says coach and this is first class.
please move to the back of the plane”
The blonde replies “I’m a blonde, I’m smart and have a good job.
I’m not moving until the plane arrives in Jamaica”
So the flight attendant, now hot under the collar at the blonde’s response, goes to another flight attendant and tells him what happened.
so he goes up to her and asks her to move to the back of the plane.
She then responds “I’m a blonde, I’m smart and have a good job.
I’m not moving until the plane arrives in Jamaica”.
So the two flight attendants are steaming mad and they go to the co-pilot and tells him what is going on.
He comes back to where the blonde is sitting and leans over and whispers something in her ear.
The two flight attendants were astonished when the blonde abruptly got up from her seat and moved to the back of the plane.
They looked at each other and then the co-pilot and asked him what he told her.
The co-pilot, feeling good about himself told them “oh, this happened a while back with someone else.
I just simply told the woman that the front half of the plane wasn’t going to Jamaica”.
Three construction workers are on the seventy-fifth floor of a non-finished building.
The italian opens his lunch box to find a pizza and says “Man, if I get pizza one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!”
The chinese opens his lunch box to find rice and says “Man, if I get rice one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!”
The blonde opens his lunch box to find a cheeseburger and says” Man, if I get a cheeseburger one more time im going to jump off this building and fall to my death!”
So the next day they all got the same thing and they jumped off the building to their death.
That weekend at the funeral, the italian and the chinese wives are crying and saying “I would have fixed him something else for lunch but he never told me.”
And as the two wives stare at the blondes wife, they both ask why she isn’t sad about her husband’s death, the blonde replys “Don’t look at me, he packs his own lunch.”
A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp.
After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for.
So the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars.
“Every blonde in the world will get two million.”
The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man.
Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men.
The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes.
“Now for your third wish.” said the genie.
“See that stick over there?”, asked the brunette,
“I want you to beat me half to death with it.”
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, “What are you carrying?”
“Melons,” the blonde replies.
“Cool,” the guy says.
“If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?”
The blonde giggles and says, “If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them”
Once there was a magical mirror.
When you told the truth it gave you things, but if you lie to it, it makes you vanish forever.
One day three college girls went to the mirror.
The red head said “I think I’m the smartest one.”
Then she got a diploma, scholarship, and got accepted into all the colleges in the world.
The brunette then said “I think I’m the prettiest one.”
Then she got a Corvette, mansion, a good looking boyfriend , and a lot of money.
Then the blonde said ” I think…*poof*”
Then she suddenly disappeared forever
Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation.
They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words.
She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.”
They throw the switch and nothing happens.
They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words.
“I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.”
They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.
Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”
Blonde Jokes about Money
Explore a heap of blonde jokes about money. Have fun and laughter while highlighting the comical side of financial matters.
What do you call a Blonde that just won the lottery?
Easy money.
How can you tell if a Blonde writes mysteries?
She has a checkbook.
Why do blondes make awful bank robbers?
Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
What’s the difference between a Blonde and a telephone?
It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
Final Thoughts
We hope this laughter-filled adventure of blonde jokes has made you smile and enlightened your day.
Laughter is truly the best medicine, and sharing jokes with friends and loved ones can create moments of joy and connection.
Remember, a good laugh is always just a joke away. So, go ahead and share your favorite blonde joke with us!
We would love to hear from you! Share your favorite blonde joke in the and let the laughter continue.
