160 Hilarious Alien Jokes to Boost Laughter and Imagination
Aliens! They literally remind us all of the countless stories and alien jokes that we have heard throughout our childhood.
Everything about aliens is just as enticing today as it had been a couple of decades ago. We cannot remember anything else in my childhood as vividly as we remember watching alien cartoons, stories, movies even jokes about aliens were very common at that time.
Today watching our kids go crazy about the aliens and spaceships is just as mesmerizing as it was back then.
Some things never lose their charm so is the case with this crazy alien concept which is why we have yet again for you some amazing alien jokes that will not your kids but you also. So, get ready to dive in the alien jokes spaceship.
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Table of Contents
Best Alien Jokes
It is normal to get bored of the monotonous life routine. Just have a break, seat yourself and relax with reading our bunch of best alien jokes that will refresh your mind.
What did the alien say to the cat?
Take me to your litter.
What currency do aliens use?
Starbucks.
What do aliens like to read the most?
Comet books.
Which music artist do aliens love the most?
Bruno Mars.
Why was the alien reading a book on anti-gravity?
He just could not put it down.
Humans: Fuck off, Aliens!
Aliens: UFO!
How do you know aliens are not vegan?
Because they haven’t contacted us to say it.
Why were the aliens watching the cows?
They were on a steak-out.
What do you call Mark Zuckerberg fighting a crocodile?
Alien VS Predator!
What do aliens spread on their toast?
Space jam.
How do aliens harvest their crops?
With tractor beams.
How do you make an alien’s baby sleep?
You rocket.
Why do aliens not like visiting earth very often?
Because it is rated only one star.
Why do aliens not visit the restaurant in space?
Because it has got no atmosphere.
Where do aliens like chilling the most?
The space bar.
Funny Alien Jokes
Nothing could be better and joyous than slumber party at home. And to make your party more entertaining and full of laughter, we present you with some of the most funny alien jokes from the market.
Why could the alien not pay attention to what his friend was saying?
Because he was spaced out.
Why was the alien not very popular among his friends?
Because he was not down to earth.
Why is it difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with an alien?
Because he always needs his space.
Why is it difficult to converse with aliens?
They do not understand the gravity of certain situations.
What is an alien’s favorite beverage?
Gravi-tea.
Where did the alien teacher take the students on their educational trips?
To the planetarium.
Truck driver Mike and the alien
I’m from Germany, so I hope it doesn’t get lost in translation.
Mike the truck driver is on the highway at night when the radio station he’s listening to sends a special report about UFO’s and aliens been spotted only a bit in front of him. “… they’re about 4 feet tall with arms reaching the ground.
Please be very polite if you meet them to give a proper representation of the human species.” A few minutes later Mike sees colorful flashing lights next to the street.
He stops, gets out of his truck and searches the area. Suddenly an alien is standing next to a bush, about 4 feet tall with arms reaching the ground.
He says ” Excuse me, I’m Mike the truck driver, 45 years old and I’m a human from earth. The creature responds ” Hi Mike, I’m officer Adams and I’m taking a shit, so leave me the f**k alone!!”
How does an alien orgasm?
It cums in peace.
There’s a group of alien females abducting men with huge penises.
I don’t think you’re in any trouble though, I just wanted to tell you how cool this space ship is.
How do aliens keep their jeans up?
With asteroid belts.
How do aliens organize a party?
They planet.
Why do aliens not eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you see a green alien?
To say “Wait until it is ripe”.
What do you call a death match between E.T. and a nerd with no social life?
Alien versus Redditor.
An alien spacecraft lands in a rice paddy in rural Japan…
An alien spacecraft lands in a rice paddy in rural Japan and out comes a silver-suited alien, who floats overs to an old rice farmer standing in amazement.
“HUMAN CREATURE,” the alien bellows, “WE LAST VISITED YOUR PLANET A HUNDRED THOUSAND OF YOUR EARTH YEARS AGO. TELL US HOW YOU HAVE EVOLVED SINCE THEN.”
The old man recovers himself, thinks for a moment, says, “Well, way back a long time ago, we were a crude bunch, no doubt. We’d take any old stick and walk down to the seashore, looking for something to eat. When we saw something, STAB out came the stick, right through the fish or crab or urchin or whatever, and we’d eat it right off the stick.”
“THAT IS TRULY A PRIMITIVE STATE AND IN ACCORDANCE WITH OUR RECORDS. BUT HOW HAVE YOU EVOLVED?”
“Oh, nowadays we use two sticks.”
Two aliens are sitting in their spaceship looking at the earth.
One of them has been researching whether an invasion would be viable. He reports back to his commander “the humans have somehow managed to harness the power of the atom to create some of the most powerful weapons I’ve ever seen”.
The commander says “maybe it would be unwise for us to invade this planet then”
The researcher replied “I wouldn’t worry too much, although they have the power, they don’t have the intelligence to use them properly, they’ve got them pointing at themselves.”
A lot of people think Crop Circles are done by alien aircrafts…
I think they’re done by Cereal Killers.
Hilarious Alien Jokes
Looking through the telescope, mostly the kids ask about how to look for aliens or the spaceship in the sky. Only to be disappointed in the end, but we have a way to cheer up the little ones through our hilarious alien jokes.
PEE WEE: What did the alien say to Boys’ Life?
CHUBB: Beats me.
PEE WEE: “Take me to your reader.”
CHRIS: What did the astronaut cook in his skillet?
CHIP: Beats me.
CHRIS: Unidentified frying objects!
JAY: What do you get when you cross an alien and something white and fluffy?
JOE: What?
JAY: A martian-mallow!
NOAH: What do you call an alien that lives in a bog?
CALEB: I have no idea. What?
NOAH: A “marsh-in!”
JOSHUA: How do you get a baby alien to sleep?
DARREN: How?
JOSHUA: You rocket.
A little alien sits on the bus behind a couple
The alien leans forwards slightly and taps the woman on the shoulder. The guy stands up and turns around. “If you don’t stop, I’ll kick you in the balls!”
The alien laughs “We don’t have that”, and taps the woman’s shoulders again.
“Stop that or I rip off your dick!”
Again the alien laughs “We don’t have that either”, and again, he taps on the woman’s shoulders.
“Yeah? And how to you impregnate your women?”
The alien again taps the woman’s shoulder. “Like that”.
BARRETT: How do you put a baby alien to sleep?
HALEY: I don’t know. How?
BARRETT: You rocket.
RYAN: Why were there only 18 letters in the alphabet?
TIM: Tell me.
RYAN: Because E.T. flew off in a UFO, and the CIA chased after him!
JIMMY: What did the alien say to the measuring cup?
JAMES: I have no idea.
JIMMY: “Take me to your liter.”
What do you call an alien with 3 balls?
E.T the Extra testicle.
An alien lands today…Nov. 4, 2020
Alien: Take me to your leader
Me: You’re going to have to wait 10-12 business days for us to sort that out.
What did the anti-immigration xenophobe say when he saw an alien saucer
‘You! F. O.’
An alien landed on my farm and asked me to take them to your leader.
Can we wait a month?
I asked for the sake of humanity.
After hundreds of years of speculation, aliens have finally contacted earth. They prepare a simultaneous broadcast to all humans to give us their message:
*Hello people of Earth! We have been trying to reach you about your planet’s extended warranty*
Clever Alien Jokes
Reading alien comic books has also been one of the favorite pass time of the kids. Just level up the game by giving your kids a bunch of clever alien jokes to giggle around happily.
What do you do when an alien is angry?
You give him some space.
What does an alien wear to a Halloween party?
A space suit.
What do aliens keep their tea cups on?
Flying saucers.
Where do aliens go for higher studies?
To the universe-ity.
What does an alien do when he has to get in touch with Saturn?
He gives Saturn a ring.
How does an alien measure things?
By using a meteor stick.
How do aliens keep in touch with each other?
They use Space Book.
Which chewing gum do aliens love the most?
Orbit.
What do you call an alien who is really really slow?
A snailien.
How does an alien cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Witty Alien Jokes
Popping up some witty alien jokes every now and then while watching a movie is also a great way to increase the fun and joy of watching movies together with friends and family.
What do aliens call an American who couldn’t cross the road?
A flat earther.
An Alien visited the Solar system and ate Jupiter. When asked how it was the Alien replied simply:
“Gastronomical.”
What do aliens use skillets in the kitchen for?
To cook unidentified frying objects.
What do aliens love to add to their hot chocolate?
Martian mellows.
Which is the only animal that aliens know of?
Cows, because only cows can be seen jumping over the moon.
What do you call an alien who has muscles?
A flexa terrestrial.
Where does an alien send her babies to get brighter?
To the sun.
Why does an alien prefer a light year to a normal year?
Because it has got less calories.
How does an alien park his spaceship in space?
He uses a parking meteor.
What does an alien say when he likes something a lot?
It is out of the world.
How much does an alien have to pay for the moon?
One dollar which is actually four quarters.
*NSFW* What did the aliens that have sex with vegetables say to the humans when they came to earth?
We come in peas.
What do aliens look at measuring cups and say?
Take me to your liter.
A friend of mine is cheating on his wife with an alien from an advanced civilization
That’s fucking intelligent.
I’ve been going on a lot of dates with an alien, but I swear we’re just friends.
It’s a plutonic relationship.
Some aliens in a flying saucer offered to fly me to the moon
But they wouldn’t let us land because the moon was full.
How do redneck aliens abduct people?
Tractor beam.
Those aliens that abduct cows must be gamblers.
They’re always raising the steaks.
An alien drops by the White House and exclaims: “take me to your leader”. The alien is introduced to Donald Trump, who ushers it into the oval office to chat. 30 seconds later, the alien exits the room and walks back towards his ship…..
“Where are you going?! Our worlds have so much to discuss and learn from one another!” calls a Senator.
“You are right!” responds the alien.
“See you on Thursday!”
Clean Alien Jokes
If you are a stay-at-home parent and you have run out of activities for your kids. Then you are at the right place. Here you have a dozen of clean alien jokes that will keep your kids laughing around.
What did the alien say to the garden?
“Take me to your weeder!”
Why don’t aliens eat clowns?
Because they taste funny!
Why haven’t aliens come to our solar system yet?
They read the reviews: one star.
What should you do if you see a green alien?
Wait until it’s ripe!
What do aliens on the metric system say?
“Take me to your liter.”
What did the alien say when he was out of room?
“I’m all spaced out!”
Yesterday I was talking to an alien from space. Turns out they eat radioactive materials.
I asked it what its favorite meal was. It told me fission chips.
How did the alien break its phone?
He Saturn it.
What do you give an alien?
Some space.
What did Galaga aliens and WW2 Navy officers have in common?
Both came in WAVES.
What did the IKEA dresser say to the aliens after landing on their planet?
I come in pieces.
Why have there been no alien sightings in our galaxy yet?
They’re lactose intolerant.
I told my wife I’d never leave her unless aliens came to take me.
It has taken 30 years but I finally have enough for Industrial Light and Magic to do an alien abduction scene.
A basketball team is created in Area 51 and for the inaugural match they decide to play against the Vatican.
How do they call the event?
Aliens vs Predators
What’s the difference between scientology and ancient aliens?
One is an alien-based pyramid scheme and the other is a pyramid-based alien scheme.
Smart Alien Jokes
A teacher has to always think of new and innovative ideas for the students to get them engaged in class. We have here an awesome collection of smart alien jokes that if you crack in the class you will become the most favorite teacher of your students.
Why are aliens jealous of the sun?
Because the sun has a million degrees.
What does an alien call his ex?
A SpaceX.
Why did Mickey Mouse need the alien’s help?
He was trying to find Pluto.
What did the alien say to his girlfriend?
We have a plutonic relationship.
What would you end up with when you cross an adorable alien and something sweet, white and very fluffy?
A martian-mallow.
What is an alien’s favorite drink at the bar?
A sate-lite beer.
What did the baby alien say to his mom?
He said, “Mom, my life revolves around you!”.
Why do aliens not get along with each other sometimes?
Because they can be mercurial.
Why are there just eighteen letters in the English alphabet?
Because E.T. flew away riding a U.F.O with the C.I.A in pursuit.
What did the exasperated alien say to his wife?
You are not understanding the gravity of this situation!
What do alien dogs say when they land on another planet?
Show me who your litter is.
Where do aliens normally go to board a train?
Space Station.
Why are aliens especially interested in abducting cows?
Because they can jump over the moon.
What did the alien say when they landed in the world of bookworms?
Show me your reader.
Alien Jokes for Adults
We know that no one literally no one is over and above the crazy mania. So, throw a party with alien theme comprising of alien jokes for adults to have them giggling around continuously.
There was company that sold sex toys to aliens.
It was SpaceXXX.
A human couple meets an alien couple
So naturally, they decide it would be fun to swap partners. The alien woman goes off with the human man and the alien man goes off with the human woman. The alien man and human woman get undressed and he asks her, “Is it long enough?” She replies, “It could be a bit longer I suppose.” So the alien man slaps himself on the forehead a few times and it grows longer! Then he asks her, “Is it wide enough?” and again she says. “I guess it could be just a bit wider.” So he starts tugging at his own ears and it gets a bit wider.
An hour or so later the human couple get together to discuss. The man asks the woman, “So how was your experience with the alien man? Be honest!” She says “Honestly? No offense to you, but that was the single greatest sexual experience of my life. What about you and the alien woman?” The man replies, “Don’t get me wrong, it was good and all but she kept slapping me in the head and pulling at my ears really hard.”
An alien couple land their saucer in a farmer’s field
They approach the house and explain to the farmer and his wife that they are intergalactic swingers. He asks them is they are ok to spend the night and then go back to their planet in the morning. The farmer and his wife talk it over and agree.
The male alien takes the farmer’s wife into the bard and drops his pants. He has a green penis that’s about an inch long erect and narrow like a pencil. The farmer’s wife giggles a little until the alien twists his left ear. His penis extends to 13 inches. The alien then twists his right ear and his penis thickens to the width of a Red Bull can.
The next morning the aliens leave after breakfast and the husband asks his wife how it went. “Wonderful, I’m glad we agreed”, she replied. “How about you?”
The farmer says tells her it seemed really strange and very different from human sex. “How so?”, asked the wife?
“Well, all she did was play with my ears the whole time…”
Let’s have illegal aliens hunt down sex offenders for a chance at citizenship.
We’ll call it “Aliens vs. Predators”
Why haven’t aliens visited our planet yet?
They looked at the reviews… only 1 star!
We should have a TV show where illegal immigrants hunt down sex offenders for a chance at citizenship
We can call it “Alien vs Predator”
Wow I can’t believe the amount of people who would want to make it a reality. *Netflix if you’re seeing this post you know what to do.*
**If you want, you may follow this post – I may update it in the future if something exciting happens.
A man and an alien are talking
At some point the conversation turns to religion.
The man asks: “have you heard of Jesus?”
The alien responds: “oh yeah, he comes by twice a year.”
The man, shocked says
“Twice a year? We have been waiting over 2,000 years for him to return!”
“Well maybe he didn’t like your gifts,” the alien says.
“Gifts,” the man asks perplexed?
“Yeah, every time he comes we give him plenty of gifts and food,” the alien says.
“What did you do for him the last time he visited you guys?”
Why do we call the aliens creating the pyramids a conspiracy theory?
It’s obviously a pyramid scheme.
In space, two aliens are talking to each other.
The first alien says, “The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons.”
The second alien asks, “Are they an emerging intelligence?”
The first alien says, “I don’t think so, they have aimed at themselves”
Aliens arrive on earth
And all political and religious leaders line up to meet with them.
Finally it’s the Pope’s turn, and he asks them about Jesus.
P: “So have you heard about Jesus?”
A: “Yeah! Nice guy, comes to visit every year!”
The Pope is puzzled by this, and he replies “that’s weird, he came here 2000 years ago and he did say he was coming back but we are still waiting…”
The aliens reply “hum… is your chocolate any good?”
Now the Pope is lost for words… “but… what does chocolate have to do with anything?”
And the aliens reply “when he came to our planet we threw him a party and we gave him some chocolates that he appreciates every time he comes back. What did you do when he came here?”
What did the alien paramedic say when he first arrived on Earth?
“Take me to your bleeder.”
I got abducted by aliens…
I was told to do my all chores, eat my veggies, take a shower and brush my teeth.
It was then I realized I was in the mother ship.
What do you call an alien with no eyes?
Alen.
Aliens are probably monitoring our media.
98% of the internet is porn. Maybe they’re not giving us anal probes. They’re just trying to speak our language.
What do you call an alien you can’t get rid of?
A Klingon.
Aliens Encounter A Gas Station
Two aliens from outer space come down to Earth and land next to a gas station. They debate who to talk to and approach a gas pump. The one alien commands, “Take me to your leader.” Nothing happens. The alien gets angry, points his ray gun and says, “Take me to to your leader or I’ll zap you to dust!” As nothing happens once again, the alien blasts the gas pump and they go flying backwards in an explosion. The second alien says the to the first, “See! I told you not to fuck with someone who can wrap their dick around themselves twice!”
Two aliens land on Earth on a Dark Night
From beneath them they hear a deep and gravelly voice;
“I’m Batman.”
So there are reports of UFO sightings and alien abductions in North America right now
They’re only abducting people with large penises. YOU guys don’t have anything to worry about but I just wanted to say the spaceship is super cool on the inside.
The young alien didn’t understand why we call them “dad jokes” …
Until one day it became apparent
How do you get a baby alien to sleep?
You rocket!
What did the ufo denier say when shown undeniable video proof of alien spaceships and was even told that one of those spaceships houses the leader of the universe?
“Which craft?”
Alien Jokes for Kids
Nobody can be into the aliens more than the kids. And we are very well aware that these how loyal these young one are. So, let’s give them some awesome alien jokes for kids to have them a good laugh.
What snack do aliens like?
Mars Bars
What is the weirdest thing to wear and what is weirdest thing to say. Weirdest thing to ware: Socks with sandals, also with flip flops! Weirdest thing to say: “Would you rather be a bath or a toilet?” “The blue angel sea slug looks like an alien.” (weird). Bonus: Things to ware with other things: Crop top with t-shirt (really hip), Crop top with tights or shorts, dresses with tights! (Cool) Oh well byeeeeeee!
What do you call a lesbian alien a lesbeening.
We need to stop with all the discrimination here! I don’t discriminate! I love all races, even the bad ones, I’m a fan of all genders, even the fake ones, and am a fan of all nationalities, even the alien kinds.
Why did the Orphan punch the other orphan?
Because the orphan broke his leg then had to get a retirement fund so then he farted and got 1m dollars in cash so then he started eating his toe jam and thought it tasted really good so he started selling it to taco bell then ate a cow all the sudden he was attacked by hangry aliens then game them some toe jam they loved it so they farted there way back up to space where they were eating Harold’s fresh toe jam it was so good then one of the aliens ate there dog so had to go the dollar tree to get it out then started gagging on one of the aliens’ 2 meter defeater and then the Orphan made out with the other Orphan and had a wedding at playground sharting happily ever after.
What do you call it when a Mexican and a Pedophile fight each other?
Alien vs Predator.
Your mamma’s so fat the aliens call her their mother ship.
Me: are you an alien friend: no me: ya because your too ugly to be one.
I found alien in my backyard I put him to work. He went to farm never seen him again moments later he is on daily planet acting as reporter a green rock smashed my house. I called him back he passed out.
I remarked you lazy.
NASA stands for naughty aliens spewing apricots.
Things said by racist aliens:
“Some of my best friends are Green.”
“I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship.”
“You’re very pretty for a Purple girl.”
“We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!”
“Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people.”
“You 2-headed people are so stupid!”
“No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes.”
“Get the hell out of my store you grigger!”
“The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let’s burn some spaceships on the Greenies’ lawns!”
Your is so ugly that aliens don’t come here.
An alien goes to area 51 but what I wonder why he doesn’t go to your house.
Once the aliens was gonna have a party, they had to plan-et.
Alien Jokes and Puns
Alien jokes and puns are never out of fashion. If you are bored then it is the best dose of refreshment that will kill your boredom and have your spirit rejuvenated at once.
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be “Alien vs Predator”?
What’s a aliens favorite computer key?
The space bar!
What is an alien’s favourite chocolate?
A mars bar.
What do you call when a Mexican and a pedofile fight?
Alien vs Preditor.
Where do alien Cows come from?
-the Milky Way.
What do you call a fight between an illegal immigrant and a pedophile?
Alien vs Predator.
What do you call darth vader when he dies a black alien.
If they made a movie about your sex life, what would the title be?
Mine would be Alien Vs. Predator
My son got in trouble for writing the following underneath the question “do aliens exist” “of course they do! They live in Mexico!”
If aliens were real
Then orphans would finally have a home.
What is it called when Bill Cosby and a illegal immigrant fight?
Aliens vs. Predator.
What is it called when 21savage and 6ix9ine fight?
What happens when an alien connects with your device?
The alien says on your device .– . / – .-. .- …- . .-… / …-. .-. — – / – .- -. -.– /.
Why humans hate aliens because fortnite took them out of the game and I want aliens back in fortnte.
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called “undocumented.” So, I had “undocumented” sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I’d call it even.
Final Thoughts on Alien Jokes
No matter how young or old you are, the charm of alien jokes has held over the long period of time never gets out dated.
It is simply impossible not to let out a crackle whenever you listen to any kind of jokes about aliens even at the most absurd ones too.
It is even important to entertain yourself with such silly luxuries of life to be able to sit back, sip a cup of coffee and go through some alien jokes that will make you remember the best days of your life for sure.
Our never ending list of joy that we offer to you in the form of alien jokes is one of a kind and it will definitely leave you, your family and your friends craving for more.
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